Wholly Undead 167 The Laughter and Snores of a Blind Idiot God

"As a courtesy, is this one of the three questions?" 'Yoggi' asked with a humored tone.

"No. If you want to answer do it, but it's not one of the three."

"Again... No fun! Yes. I've done this for you each time you passed through here." 'Yoggi' openly admitted, placing his hands behind his back.

"Well, it's a good opportunity," Jack said out loud, as he began to think to himself, [I could ask something I already know... Then if he tells me its false, then I know the next answer will be truth or a half-truth.]

'Yoggi' shook his head, "Nope. It would only mean that I would tell you the truth and you get a guaranteed lie for one and a half-truth.

"Wait..." Jack looked up from his thoughts in shock, [Did you just read my mind?] Jack thought to himself.

"Yeah. Kind of the whole kit and kaboodle of being hyper-intelligent. Mind reading of simple mortals is very fun. You learn all kinds of neat things doing it." 'Yoggi' laughed a bit.

"So, in other words, I can't think this out, and you're going to make sure to screw me over if I try to fix the game. It's asked what I want to know and hope I can figure it out."

"Pretty much." 'Yoggi' the Black Skeleton nodded and agreed.

"I see... Alright... Before I ask... Does it have to be yes and no questions?" Jack asked quickly.

"Smart... No... Ask whatever you want."

"Alright... What things do I want to know?"

"Ack~!" 'Yoggi' coughed, as he patted his robe a few times.

"You smart little ass... That's a good one. You've gotten smarter in spite of forgetting. I'm only going to answer using your last life, or it's going to be too long..."

"Alright, then..." 'Yoggi seemed to take in a deep breath for no reason,

"In no particular order,

You want to know who your father really is...

If Leslie truly loves, you...

How to handle Julia...

How to give Emily freedom...

How to get rid of Eris...

How to plan for a Black Wedding...

How to have a child with Leslie...

If the subordinate of Crag called Knowall knows how to plan a wedding...

What's Jade plotting...

How your god powers work...

How to remove the voices from your mind...

If your body is the Lich King's...

If you are the Lich King...

If your body is the First Holy Witch King's...

If you are the Holy Witch King...

How many times have you really died...

Why Jordan Lightdumbo decided to call himself Lightborn...

Why the handmaidens of Jade did the same thing...

Can you really absolve sin...

How sin really works anyway...

Why would someone pray to a god and ask for a couch...

Why Mark wants to destroy Deagoth...

And lastly,

How come you remember your last life, but not the ones prior, and not being able to remember me if you passed by..."

'Yoggi's' eye sockets narrowed again, but now Jack saw this while feeling slightly unnerved...

"That sound like all of them...?"

"Yeah... Some of that I didn't really think about, but they are good questions." Jack commented.

"Alright then... You have two more to ask!" 'Yoggi' folded his arms.

"Okay... Then I should ask something I really want to know." Jack tapped on his chin as if in thought, but 'Yoggi' didn't feel any thoughts within Jack's mind.

"I just told you... Pick one." 'Yoggi' laughed while pacing around Jack. As he paced, his ribs quivered from the exposure in the top of his white robe, as if they were like worms, before becoming hard again, just as he walked to the front of Jack.

"How do I become your friend?" Jack asked.

"Ah...? What...?" 'Yoggi' didn't understand, and for him... This was an exceedingly rare feeling. Not unpleasant, but rare.

"How do I become your friend?" Jack asked again.

'Yoggi's eye sockets became round like circles in his skull, as he pondered. He turned around. He looked up, and then back down. He swayed on the spot a few times before he finally turned around.

"...I would have to accept you as a friend... I guess... Speaking of which, What the hell kind of question is that." 'Yoggi' raised a fuss!

"I don't know, you seem like an interesting guy, that I might want to kill later, so why not be friends?"

"I see... That... Seems illogical..." 'Yoggi' held his head, "Strange, you have really become strange!"

"I don't know how to take that from a hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being." Jack gave a light laugh.

"...Are you fucking with me, or are you serious?"

"I'm DEAD fucking serious, haha!" Jack laughed now as 'Yoggi' did earlier.

"..." 'Yoggi' was now at a loss.

"Why so silent 'Yoggi,' friend? We can be called friends now, right?" Jack took a few steps to 'Yoggi.'

"Hey, damn it... This is my game. Ask your next question." 'Yoggi's skull went back to normal, as he raised his voice.

A few sleepy laughs rumbled through the realm, as 'Yoggi' looked around, as the ground shook, and stars turned supernova in the galaxies creating new nebulas... It was almost asking if the skies would turn into hell in an instance breaking the Macro Cosmos around them.

"STOP LAUGHING, YOU JACK ASS!" 'Yoggi' turned his back and roared to the stars above.

Jack getting his footing again, looked up in astonishment, as he thought, [What the hell was that?!?]

"That was the creator laughing in his stupid sleep... I want him to wake up, but the damn thing won't... I just don't want him to wake up at my expense!" 'Yoggi' turned again, as a black tentacle from the bottom of his white robe retracted quickly.

"...The creator? Of like... Everything?!?"

"Yeah... Him... The Blind Idiot God!"

"Azathoth!"

"Pfft... No Azathoth is a Jack ass, but he's not the Creator. Howard got him and the Creator confused, then again... Considering he was slipping into madness at the time, it was good he got the name right if anything."

"Is he really a blind idiot?" Jack asked.

"...You ask a lot of questions... Is that your question to ask?"

"No..." Jack replied, sighing.

"I'll just tell you, No. He isn't actually blind, but he is an idiot! Haha, on another note, he's really dense, that's why I said he's blind. Don't think too much on it, kay?"

"...By the way, what happens when he wakes up...?"

"What happens if Azathoth woke up?" 'Yoggi' didn't answer and returned a question.

Jack thought of something about the end of everything.

"That's what I'm hoping that will happen, but I'm not sure." 'Yoggi' looked up and yelled a few times.

"YOU HEAR THAT! WAKE UP, YOU SLEEPY FUCK!" 'Yoggi' Yelled to the stars above, as it rippled out in waves.

He went silent, as Jack stared in wonderment.

"Just wait a few moments." 'Yoggi' waved his hand to dismiss Jack's thoughts.

A reality wrapping and shattering snore roared through the stars, as stars went black, and black holes gorged on their surroundings with increased fervor.

Jack fell to a knee, as the space around him bent, but just ask quickly as this occurred, it seemed to go back to normal.

'Yoggi' turned his head and shook it... "He's a really deep sleeper... Sleep talks too." he shook his head again, "You wouldn't believe the things he spouts in his sleep."

"Have... you... ah...?"

"Have I met him before? Is that a question?" 'Yoggi' gave Jack a smile on his skull.

"You know what... Yeah! That's a question." Jack stood up and declared.

"Pfft, then it doesn't count! I'm not counting that one... Play the game correctly, damn it. Anyway, when I gained sentience, he was already asleep..."

'Yoggi' looked Jack up and down for a moment, "You know... The last mortal to hear anything from the Creator had their soul disintegrated... I'm surprised you're still here." He tilted his head as if he was looking at some rare creature.

Jack shrugged as if saying, 'I don't know.'

"Well, now ask your actual question." 'Yoggi' fold his arms again, as if what just happened didn't faze him in the slightest.

"Oh, alright. Then, how do prophets prophesy the future?" Jack asked something that had bothered him for a while.

"Ah, they listen to that idiot's sleep talk, or they listen to someone that listens to the idiot's sleep talk. So, it all works out really." 'Yoggi' pointed his finger upward.

"So... That's how it is." Jack rubbed his chin while looking up trying to see if there was anything beyond the stars.

"So... Have you figured out which questions were answered correctly?" 'Yoggi' laughed a few times.

Chapter end