The Story of Blood and Roses Chapter 186

She retreated slowly, reaching the door and closing it to give us a sense of privacy . You could hear everything from outside . The walls were thin .
"You are sick?"
"There is nothing wrong with me, I assure you . Contrary to everyone's belief, I am fine!" I let him know . "What is the meaning of all this? Why do you want to talk to me?"
"I had to explain myself!" he explained, incredulously . "I can't just let you think that I made up all my feelings and let you marry some half-wit that has so clue how to handle a woman like you-"
"Handle a woman like me?" I questioned, furious .
"Oh, don't pull that feminist card on me . You are a free spirit . You need to kill and be cunning to be happy . He wants to build a house with you and get you pregnant?" the humor was not lost on me . Jacob was definitely not the type to even think about these things . Hell, he hadn't even pressured me to marry him after two years of being engaged .

"And you would handle me differently?" he shook his head .
"I would not try at all . I enjoy your wild temperament . I am thrilled that I can die at your hands if I do something wrong or offend you," he laughed when he saw the are-you-insane look I was giving him . "We are passionate people, Mia, and sometimes it is difficult for us to discern right from wrong and we do things that we might regret . We have our own reasons for it, and we have our own set of morals . We shouldn't even care about right or wrong . We fight it out because we need it . We need to brainstorm and fight to assert our power: to reassure ourselves . We are compatible . So different and alike that no one can deny that we are the most fucked up people that are meant to be together . "
"Is this supposed to be some sort of a revelation or proposal?" I asked, a bit flattered by his long speech on relationships .
"No . I was just stating a fact . I don't need to propose anything to you . I know you would never agree to anything that I had to offer . "
"What would you propose if I did indeed listen to you?"
"To let me in," he said .

"To let you in," I echoed, disdain lacing my words . "And how do you propose I do that?" I demanded . I could see the small smile playing across his lips . He knew that my curiosity got the best of me . It was one of the many fatal flaws in my character .
"Open the floodgates and tell me everything you feel . Tell me how much you hate me, tell me that you love me, too . Tell me everything . Make me suffer . "
"Why do you want to suffer?" I ask, flabbergasted .
"I love you, Mia . "
"I may want to kill you at times, but I want you by my side, ruling beside me and telling the world to fuck off . I hate that you are suffering . It is my fault . I should have talked to you, but can't I be ignorant, can't I hope that you would understand that I was struggling every day?"

"What are you saying?"
"I thought you knew that I loved you . I thought you were stronger than that and that you would hold on until someone came to rescue you . "
"And you surely thought wrong . I never knew that you loved me . You might have told me a thousand times, but I could never be sure . Now, more than ever, I know that I cannot trust you to betray in again . I will never forgive you, Anthony . "
"Please . "
"Leave before I hunt down my gun again," I threatened . How much more could a woman handle . He could love me, but I could never trust him . His reasons were flawed, and all I could think about was what other motive he could have to use me for . What did he need me to do this time? When would he dispose of me?
"Tell me what to do!" he shouted . "How do I fix this?" he pleaded .
"A life for a life," I whispered . "You left me for dead . You almost took my life away . You cannot fix this, Anthony . There are no pieces, just dust . This will go on until one of us loses our life . A life for a life . . . remember that . Maybe then, I will forgive you . "
Frozen to the spot, he waited for my dismissal . I didn't have the heart to do it . I was too tired .
The door opened slowly . I understood that Daisy did not want to interrupt our conversation . I was sure that she had heard us screaming .
"Murray," I heard her say . "Please leave . "
I saw him gulp and then nod . He turned away from me . He walked away slowly as if waiting for me to call him back . As he was about to leave, I took one last chance .
"Anthony?" I called . He turned, a shimmer of hope in his posture . "Never come back . " I dashed it brutally . He flinched as he turned away and left .
I hoped that I would never see him again .
I didn't think that I would survive another encounter .

Chapter end