The Foolhardies 112 Dinner for Schmucks

Regardless, I avoided eye contact with the pixie after realizing how easily she had duped me when we first met and left her in the care of Luca who didn't seem to mind the attention. At least until Pike saw him acting like a doofus.

I smiled at the thought of seeing Luca squirm uncomfortably before forcing my mind to focus back on the bigger issue at hand—food.

There were now roughly fifteen hundred humans and fairies gathered around the tower, an unmanageable number for us as we were already bleeding funds just from the renovations.

Luckily, Albert had thought ahead and brought supplies along.

"This is Riardon, my lieutenant," he said, pointing a hand at the haughty looking elf with the long locks of golden hair flowing down his back standing behind Albert. "He'll coordinate with your quartermaster on handing over the food supplies we brought over from Fort Darah."

Riardon, who at first glance looked like a snooty version of Legolas from the Lord of the Rings, gave me the once over with his forest green eyes, and after deciding to be rude to me might have consequences, gave me a curt nod that was all kinds of snobby.

I chose to be magnanimous and ignored the elf—I'd had enough practice, suddenly remembering Theren who I now thought of fondly—and thanked Albert for his donation.

"You're a lifesaver, dude," I said.

He waved off my thanks with a hand.

"That's courtesy of General Thors. He figured you'd be having logistics issues after Great General Darah failed to mention to your, um, new assignment," Albert answered, grinning sheepishly.

Ah, It seemed I was talking to a kindred spirit. Glad to know I wasn't the only one Darah liked to mess around with. I thought.

The food problem solved, I made my excuses and left the new arrivals at the entry hall and made my way up the tower. I popped into the third floor, which we'd designated the dining area and kitchens, and left word with Alfie Monroe, our unit chef, to prepare a feast with the ingredients coming his way.

"I could have used more notice, sir," Alfie complained while he continued kneading a circular piece of dough I assumed were the beginnings of a pizza. "I don't have enough hands helping me prepare as is."

"I'll ask Varda to send you reinforcements, Alfie… Promise!" I said, right before I zoomed out of there and made my way up the steps to the next floor.

I passed by each floor of the tower wondering if I could teach Zarz how to create an elevator to help with navigating all seven floors. It was a bit of a workout even for someone like me who spent most nights working my body to the bone.

I'd just popped out of the land of the rooftop when I found Aura leading the winged creature she'd ridden from Shärleden to the makeshift stable we'd set up on the corner of the roof for just this type of situation.

Jensen's crew, my flag bearers, was there to assist her and the two burly fairies who'd accompanied her.

Both of them were elves who wore the silver armor and black tabards that were the standard for the Patriarch's personal guard. One had shoulder-length, plaited silver hair while the other had long, plaited golden hair. Ironically enough, they were named Aurum and Argentum which in the old fairy tongue, and ancient Latin, meant Gold and Silver.

I walked over to them, earning myself another wary look from both elves. But neither of them stopped me from reaching Aura, who, after patting her peryton on its feathery front quarters, looked back at me and smiled.

"I see we have guests," she said.

"Yup…" I frowned. "Courtesy of your aunt, no doubt."

"She does love to keep you on your toes," Aura noted.

She patted me on the shoulder, and together we made our way back to the roof's entrance.

I pointed a thumb over my shoulder. "Those two staying?"

There was an audible guffaw behind me. Possibly one or both of the knights were choking on something. A boy could only hope.

Aura shook her head. "Only for the night. They'll be traveling back to Shärleden in the morning… the Patriarch still isn't in his best condition."

The unspoken part of that sentence was clear enough to understand. Auranos being sick meant he could be in danger from outside or even inside forces yet again who might seek to take advantage of the situation. It was best to have his personal guard close around him.

I nodded. "Well, we've got enough excitement here…" I stole a glance at her before we stepped back into the tower and watched her golden hair get brushed back by the wind. "Do you know anything about our guests?"

Aura's brow furrowed. "Only that they could be trouble."

That was an understatement—a fact that would later prove true after the festivities had begun.

Varda had the foresight to choose the second floor's great hall as a temporary dining space, and with the help of whoever she could nab to assist, was able to bring in enough tables and chairs to accommodate all officers and a small chunk of soldiers for each unit. The rest would have to take their dinner either in the entryway or the tower grounds.

Aura and I walked into the great hall and found ourselves in a weird version of a high school cafeteria.

There was a long wooden table right below the dais where I assumed us officers would sit. But everywhere else was a spattering of mismatched chairs ranging from comfy divans to stone benches. The tables were also of all shapes and sizes. Some were hardwood while others were stone.

I shook my head and ignored the little voice in my mind that wanted to know how Varda was able to conjure stone benches and tables into this hall. I'd rather not stress about something obviously Fayne-weird.

People filed in after us, and we took our seats at the big table alongside Luca, Ashley, Varda, our two guests, and their lieutenants. Edo, Thom, and Xanthor opted to sit with their soldiers. Qwipps was banned from the table by Varda as she didn't want our guests thinking we were all like him.

Dinner started out well enough. Alfie Monroe had outdone himself and made enough Fayne versions of Italian-style pizza for everyone. And there were also choices of vegetables and fruits to satisfy the vegan fairies. Drinks were a range of salamander whiskey, dwarven rock beer, and elven moon tea for those of us underage.

I probably should have banned alcohol, knowing full well what it did to even the sanest people. Funny story, I remember having to drag a kicking and punching aunt Lena up to her room after she'd drunk herself under the table because she and her girlfriend had been fighting.

Well, salamander whiskey had a similar effect to Aunt Lena's favorite brand of whiskey. It tended to bring the fiery side out of people. Added to rock beer, the drink that made even the most docile fairies act like the most stubborn of dwarves, and you had a recipe for disaster. So, obviously, a fight broke out fifteen minutes into dinner.

In typical fashion, the fight had been started by one of mine—Thom.

The drow had annoyed some of Verania's soldiers, which to be honest, wasn't very difficult for him to do. All you had to do was hear his voice and you might have thought he was taunting you.

In this case, Thom really had called them names ranging from, "mud eaters and cross-eyed pixie trash" to more colorful words I'd rather not type here.

Anyways, that riled them up enough to get up from their chairs and walk over to his table. Obviously, the other drow had come to the defense of their clan leader, and the rumble quickly came after.

To his credit, Thom didn't start the fight on a whim. In fact, he'd caused it because he'd come to the defense of Azuma, whom Albert's soldiers were actively picking a fight with. Apparently, they had a grudge against him for how his former unit trashed Albert's unit in the previous war. But Azuma being the peerless warrior that he was, ignored the taunts and jibes sent his way, causing Thom, who hated bullying as it reminded him of the Scarlet Moon, to step in for Azuma.

How he'd riled Verania's troops more than Albert's soldiers was beyond me. But like I said, the rumble started with these guys. And seeing Thom and his drow in a fight after he'd defended their boss' honor, Azuma's soldiers joined in on the fisticuffs, prompting Albert's own stubborn group to attack too.

Chaos ensued, and it would have lasted much longer if Edo hadn't gotten up from his seat, and in a single swing of his glaive, cleave the table he'd been eating into two. There was a loud crashing boom that reverberated around the stone walls, causing everyone to pause suddenly.

Edo sent a steely-eyed glare at all his eyes could see, and with a voice that was like thunder, boomed, "Sit your asses back on your seat and finish your dinners, muddamit!"

The terror of Edo was enough to still the rowdy idiots, causing everyone to follow his demands.

There was a peal of tinkling laughter on my left side, and right afterward, Verania Folkor was whispering in my ears, "You have interesting soldiers, Dean Dapper. Maybe after you die I'll make them mine."

Chapter end