The Eccentric, the Beauty, and the Detective: Kiriki Junka's Mystery Log Volume 2 Chapter 8

Pre-chapter Eccentricities:

Sakigake!! Otokojuku is a manly manga about reviving the spirit of Japan with loads of fighting. It's from the 80s, and apparently is popular enough to have its own pachinko.

Kaiji is a gambling manga that got an anime.

Ming style font is on left, gothic is on right:

Yahara pulled from Junka's desk a tin pencil case, a moldable eraser, a Sakigake!! Otokojuku special volume, a fresh avocado, a red fighting spirit towel, an AKB48 promotional photo, as well as many other incomprehensible items. Yahara was still calm, and he turned to Miyako-sensei with confidence.

“How is it, Miyako-sensei? Did you find cigarettes and a lighter in Junka's bag?”

Probably awaiting a favourable answer, Yahara closed his eyes to focus on the sound.

“Nope, nothing.”

That was the exact moment some sort of shriek burst out of Yahara, suppressing his linguistic ability.

“N-nothing? Wait, Sensei, are you sure?”

He was the pinnacle of panic; it was the only metaphor to describe him.
He took Miyako-sensei by the shoulders, and implored in confusion, “It can't be! Please search thoroughly, Sensei!”

“I did! There were loads of strange, extremely strange, things in there, but no lighter, and no cigarettes.”

“I'll search, then!”

Yahara snatched the bag from Miyako-sensei and started rummaging around inside.

“It ought to be here, it has to be… after all, I'm sure it's…”

Junka clapped the chalk dust from his hands.

“What did you mean by ‘after all'?”

I turned to look at Junka. The blackboard behind him had “GREAT SPACE WAR” written on it in writing that looked like it came from an unskilled elementary schooler. There was a pretty decent rocket with wings that had the rumbling sound effects written out alongside it as it flew through space. The rockets launched from orbital platforms set to ambush that ship were accompanied by onomatopoeia reminiscent of Kaiji for some reason. There was even a close up of a space marine crying unnecessarily large tears while wailing for ET to save him, despite how unrelated it was. Then, in the centre was listed Junka's own name as commanding officer, and that embarrassing distinction was written in a ming style font.

Not that any of that mattered.

Yahara had drained of colour, his forehead drenched in sweat. Cold gazes came from every corner of the class, pinning the title of dimwit upon his back.

“Sorry about that Suzaku, Kiriki. It's fine now, Yahara.”

Miyako-sensei dragged Yahara off the bag he was searching. Completely in shock, he returned to his own desk.

“So this proves us innocent, doesn't it Miyako-sensei?” pushed Nao.

“Yes, of course.”

She erased the blackboard, slightly irritated, and Junka froze as he saw his creation being destroyed.

It was his fault it was there in the first place, though.

“Oh, by the way, Yaharkun, since you doubted us so much, we should search your desk and bag too. It'd be unfair otherwise.”

“Not like I'm the culprit, though,” spoke a displeased Yahara.

Junka wasn't going to pull back, though, “More than just having accused the wrong people, you might as well just prove your own innocence, or are you scared of something?”

“You're really pushy, you know. Fine, I'll show you. It isn't like there's any cigarettes to find…”

Yahara placed his bag on his desk, opened it, and as he rummaged about inside for stuff to remove, he suddenly froze. His eyes were both wide and his hands began to shake. He quickly shut the zipper and made a poor attempt at an amiable smile.

“T-this' a bit much after all. We're being too suspicious of 1, 3. Let's just stop all this.”

The whole class, myself included, had misgivings about the disaster we just saw Yahara unfold. It couldn't be…

“Oi, Yahara. This time the detective association's going to search your things for you, okay?”

Yahara was quaking like a cornered mouse, and Junka pressed on, amused.

“I'd like to have you share what's in that bag now.”

Yahara seemed to have a thought, and suddenly took up his bag, falling to the floor.

“I'm, I'm sorry! I was wrong. Please let me off the hook!”

Miyako-sensei seemed surprised by the turn of events.

“I don't know what's gotten into you, Yahara, but show us what's in the bag.”

Nao, Junka, and I all sidled up to him.

“Stay back!”

Yahara stood, and backed into the wall. Nao's arms shot out like the tongue of a serpent.

“Sure kill, tickling fist!”

As the name suggested, she began to tickle him. While he was laughing, she took his bag, and tossed it to me.

“Suzaku-kun, the contents!”

“Got it.”

Once I had the bag secure, I unzipped it and gazed inside. I found…

“There's a box of Marlboro Menthol, and a cheap lighter!”

I held the evidence to the sky. The gazes of the class united once more that day.

Junka thrust his hands into his pockets.

“You were the culprit, eh, Yaharkun.”

My blood was boiling, and I glowered at Yahara as I went back.

“What was with all that suspicion you cast on us? Come on, Yahara, let's have an explanation.”

He fell once more to the ground.

“I'm, I'm so sorry! It was on the spur of the moment!”

The rest was an explanation at the behest of Miyako-sensei.

“Essentially, upon reading the article about the detective association in the June edition of the Shibuyamadai High School Paper, I got jealous. That was the start. I was worried that I'd lose my place as the most capable member of the class to Kiriki.”

I shrugged. I'd never expected him to be so sensitive about such a minor detail.

“That's why I wanted to catch Junka with the cigarettes and regain lost territory. Then I put it into practice this morning. When nobody was around, I cut the cigarettes short, burnt them for a few minutes until they were almost done, then stomped them out on the floor.”

“So you didn't smoke them,” Miyako-sensei butted in.

Yahara's frame shook with surprise, “No, I didn't. I just took some that my dad had already bought.”

“Continue.”

Yahara was completely down, and spoke without energy in short bursts.

“After morning homeroom, I confirmed for myself that Miyako-sensei had discovered the cigarettes. I'd expected that Miyako-sensei would bring it up in long homeroom due to her personality. Then, just before PE, I had my chance to sneak into 1, 3 when nobody was around and plant the cigarettes and lighter in Junka's bag. After that, it didn't matter when they were discovered in his bag. Then I could gloat.”

His despair deepened and he hung his head.

“And Junka was supposed to get shamed and lose face this homeroom… what a shame…”

“Dumbass!” shouted Miyako-sensei as she pounded her podium, “Have you not reflected at all on how you got the whole class rolled up in something so trivial? You shouldn't be saying ‘what a shame,' but ‘I'm sorry!” Apologise right now to Iida, Suzaku, Junka, and everyone else!”

Struck by his own personal bolt of lightning, Yahara began to cry. He started bowing in all directions as he sobbed. I couldn't stand to watch it for another second, and turned away. Junka, having entered my line of sight, had opened to a page about rewarding lifestyles and was writing a postcard.

I had no idea why he would do that given the current circumstances.

Finally, came a declaration from Miyako-sensei, “What a pathetic sight, but that's why we'll say you learned from this. I'll chose to believe that you won't try to frame anyone again, Yahara. All y'all try to as well, and forgive him if you can. That's my request.”

Then rang the bell. Whew, that'd been one hell of an extended homeroom.

“But the stuff should have been planted in Junka's bag, so how did it end up in mine?” muttered Yahara.

Translator's Note:

I swear, as soon as I let my guard down, I end up accidentally looking up fetishes because my dictionary doesn't have ‘tickling' in it. Japan didn't gain its unsavory reputation for nothing. Not that it'd be 100% pure innocence in English, either, though. Innocent enough verbs, adverbs, and adjectives haven't been as innocent as their denotation (once I track one down) would lead me to believe. Is Junka just written in vernacular as opposed to literary vocabulary, and therefore leads to this kind of thing? I'm genuinely getting put off by this happening so consistently. It wasn't an issue at all with flamering, but maybe that's just because the Japanese medieval weapon porn is still relatively buried, whereas the high school stuff's front page prominent.

Editor's Note:

This chapter, I wasn't able to double-click to quick select the Japanese to remove it. Previously, I'd been able to do so without selecting everything, but wordpress gets worse and worse the more you use it, so I have to select it manually with the mouse now. This is also a filler comment.

Chapter end