Spirit Immortal
/ Spirit Immortal 413 Forgiveness 3
Lady Seph watched Shin self-deprecate himself. In the past, she had consoled him in the same manner when Ariel passed. It took Shin many years to pick himself up. Time managed to numb the pain a little, and when everything seemed to be going well for him, reality had to come hit him like a horse cart. Lady Seph wasn't really a fighter and rarely was she ever called to the battlefield. The number of enemies she had slain could be counted with the fingers of her hands, and even then, it had affected her healer-heart tragically. Compared to Shin, Lady Seph had a far less body count. Thus, the Spirit Venerate couldn't even begin to imagine how painful it must be, to carry the cross of a dozen souls when he was just twenty.
Still, she couldn't just sit back and do nothing. Shin felt his backhand being stroked, and the warmth of Lady Seph's spiritual energy filled him up. "Shin, have I told you about the theory of evolution?"
"You didn't… But I know of it," replied Shin. He wasn't an ace student for nothing. Almost every book in Imperius Library had been flipped through, and every scroll scrutinised. Shin knew of things that most university undergraduates didn't and could potentially challenge some of the postgraduates.
Lady Seph smiled. "The theory of evolution states that all living beings, be it the birds or the bees. Humans or Spirit Beasts. They are all by-products of nature's selection. Each gene had been specifically modified to create a perfect being for their time. Their genes would be passed down from generation to generation, keeping the best aspects for themselves while phasing out the worst. So a bird that possesses a gene to grow wings would pass that gene down to the next generation, and from there the next generation would continue to mutate based on the environment that they are in."
"Uh huh..." The edges of Shin's lips twitched. He didn't understand why his master was bringing up the theory of evolution at this juncture, but he still listened in carefully.
"This process has been happening for millions, no billions of years. Even before humans first walked the earth. Billions of years, Shin. Animals, no… Any form of organisms. They have been struggling to evolve into higher beings for billions of years. Evolution… This process is inherently ruthless and in some sense, completely fascinating. If you look at the world through the lens of an evolutionist, suddenly many things start to make sense." The researcher mind of Lady Seph took over as she continued to narrate her story.
"To evolve, all organisms have the innate drive to leave behind progeny. That's why humans have the desire to have sex. Humans exist to make other humans. They fight wars because they want to become better. They develop new tools because they want to improve their standard of living. And… They kill because they need to grow."
"..." Shin listened on, his fingers digging deep into his cotton pyjamas.
"You might say that it's barbaric. Killing another human that is. Yet, no one bats an eye when a lion murders a competitor's cubs. Since we have become civilised, murder and harming another has become taboo, as it should be. After all, how could humans thrive in a community if we were to kill and pillage our neighbours? However, because of that, many start to forget that humans are still animals. We're just as barbaric as a lion or a chimp if not more so since we're standing at the apex. It is rooted in our blood. There's no denying that." The blonde woman looked Shin in the eye, her blue eyes reflecting off Shin's azure ones.
"You killing Star Face was the right choice. He was a menace to the fabric of society and more importantly, he was a threat to you. Humans make so many rules to govern themselves. Thou shall not murder, thou shall not steal, thou shall not ****… However, in the theory of evolution, there's one rule that really matters. Survival of the fittest."
"You're saying that..." Shin finally opened his mouth after Lady Seph concluded. "Me killing Star Face was meant to be? It was for me to grow and evolve?"
"Probably, yes." Lady Seph nodded, her hands not leaving the youth for a single second. She needed one more push to get Shin out from this hurdle, and the life-long scientist was ready to make the leap. "The grief you're feeling now… The sadness that you have been feeling… The sense of loss that dominates your mind… Overcome it and evolve. In this journey called life, in the grand chase to reach immortality, there will be losers and winners. If you live, you win. If you die, you lose. It's as simple as that."
"But this pain… It's unbearable..." Shin continued to resist. The void in his heart seemed to be bottomless. Sometimes, when he thought about Latina's crying face, Shin felt the urge to stab himself through his chest so that he could make it up to her. If not for all of the unfinished business that he had, he may as well be tempted to do just that.
"I understand how you feel. But pain is just a remedy for growth. You killed Latina's father. The only thing that you can do is apologise to her and move on from there. No matter what you do, you can't rewrite the past. What matters most is how are you going to grow from here. What can you do to become better, to enter the next stage of your evolution."
"Next… Next stage of my evolution?"
"That's right." Lady Seph stood up and knelt down in front of him. She took Shin's hands and closed them into fists. Raising up the left one, she said: "Are you going to wallow in grief forever?" Then she dropped it down while snorting. Taking Shin's other hand, Lady Seph smiled brilliantly. "Or are you going to improve yourself so that you'll never feel this way ever again? It's your choice, Shin."
"..." Shin stared at his two clenched fists. Both hands had blood on their hands, yet the right seemed so much more alluring than the left.
'What I want to do?' Shin started to think. He thought of the people he murdered. Craig, Susan, Winfred, Star Face, Cyphia… All of the Dalits he so mercifully killed to rid them of the Allfather's brainwash. All of the enemies that tried to kill him during their journey north. Then… He saw the faces of those he loved. His master, Lady Seph. Emma, Ella, Elyse… All of the orphans. Isadore, Shizen, Elrin… Sister Bingying, Brother Huanyuan… Finally, the gorgeous black-haired girl that stood by him through thick and thin.
'I can't change the past… But I can write my future. I killed so many. I killed Latina's father. That's unchangeable. This pain will never go away, so I must grow with it, I must evolve with it. I must become better...'
Shin continued to stare at his two hands extensively. They were still heavy with blood and death. Shin didn't know how he was able to lift them up at all. But slowly, his right hand started to become lighter. His left descended slowly, like a sinking ship that had just broken its hull. It was getting heavier and heavier until finally… THUD. It slammed down on the bed. Lady Seph smiled and grabbed the right fist with both her hands.
"That's right, Shin. You have to evolve."
"Thank you, Master." The gaping hole in Shin's heart wasn't filled. How could it be? He was still suffering from the fact that he killed an innocent girl's father, sending her on a life of suffering. However, he did know how to make it right.
"I have to meet Latina..."
❖❖❖
Latina never liked cold rainy nights. The pitter patter of beads from heaven mixed with the deafening crackles of thunder made the chambers more lonely that it should be. Drawing a heart in the condensed glass window, Latina thought of her father. Latina remembered the old days where her father would lull her to sleep whenever the lightning bolt of Zeus blazed down from the skies. Garland was rough and didn't know how to calm a child. All his years doing mercenary work didn't help in childcare after all. Nonetheless, he still attempted to calm his daughter down.
Garland's wife, Latina's mother, died early on, leaving the coarse sellsword as a single parent. Garland didn't have any other skills so he had to continue on being a mercenary, earning as much money as he possibly could to hire a full-time nanny as well as pay for the expenses around the house. This meant that he had to leave Latina alone for months at a time. When she was younger, kids around the block teased Latina for never having a parent at home, which in turn caused her to carry a certain amount of distaste for her father's constant absence. To make matters worse, when Garland returned home, he would bring his mercenary friends over, heavily noise polluting her comfortable home.
So, Latina had mixed feelings towards her father.
On the one hand, Latina hated him for causing her so much hurt in her childhood. On the other hand, she had countless sweet memories of her father taking care of her. Teaching her how to fish. Hunting a wild boar just because she asked for it. Carving out a wood figurine of her mother and himself just so she could have a little company when he was gone.
They were all precious moments that Latina would treasure for the rest of her life. She'd always thought that one day, when she was older, Garland would at least stay home at let her take care of him. Though now… It was just a dream that could never be fulfilled.
"Latina, are you still awake?" Two knocks heated up the dimmed chambers, snapping Latina out of her trance-like state. A familiar voice, one that had got her through some of her darkest times, sounded out from the other side of the door.
"Yes..."
"Latina..." Natalie was hesitant to continue after hearing the young girl's lethargic voice, but she couldn't back out now. "Shin is here to see you." The middle-aged mercenary no longer referred to Shin as 'Young Hero.' In her eyes, the boy was undeserving of the title.
"..." A bit lip and a silent cry. Latina wanted to scream, but she held back. "Tell him to go away. I don't want to see him."
"That's what I said to him, but he's insisting..." Natalie knew how Latina felt more than anyone. She tried to chase Shin away and even wanted to punch him in his perfect teeth. However, this was serious. "He says that he has something to tell you about Garland. And… He has something to say about our future."
"..."
The two ladies were solely dependent on Shin's good graces. Yes, they have assisted the Alliance to find the Black Mask base and accumulated a certain amount of merit. However, if Shin wished to evict them back to Huuring City, not one voice of opposition would come to their help. The luxurious inn that they were put into, the job that was promised to Natalie, the schooling that Latina was supposed to receive. If Shin wanted to, he could rid them all of their luxuries with just a word.
Unwillingly, Latina left the comfort of her duvet and dragged her feet down the stairs of the inn. The two ladies were staying on the second level, and Shin would most likely meet them in the common room. Natalie escorted Latina down, her body never swaying a metre away from the girl. Right now, the thirteen-year-old could only count on Natalie to survive, and she didn't want to betray that trust.
"Let's go meet him… The man who killed my father..."
✵✵✵
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