She's That Knight Known as Zero 289 Am I Still Human

Her tears greatly shocked him, the one who returned was always calm and her eyes were always tranquil like a calm lake without any ripples. And so seeing her cry right in front of him, he was stomp.

The look of her back when they last came here, how she had enjoyed the view replayed in his mind. She was smiling back then, a smile from the bottom of her heart. But now, her tears sends ripples in his heart.

"Just who the hell am I? What the hell was I doing in the past? My movements and everything, all of them were so fluid," her first words shocked him so much.

The tears didn't stop as she looked down at her trembling hands, "Just how many lives have I taken for me to kill just like what happened yesterday?"

"That is in the p"

"NO!! THE PAST OR WHAT NOT!! I WAS STILL A MURDERER!! I AM NOTHING BUT A KILLING-"

She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence. Raven have pulled her into a hug before she could finish her sentence.

And it pained him even more as he felt her tremble in his arms, just how scared was she? How scared was she to know of her capabilities? Why didn't he see it then? Why didn't he look in her eyes even more?

Tears were visible at the edge of his eyes as he hugged her tighter.

"Am I still human?"

His heart was further broken upon hearing her pained voice asking if she was still human.

'Was this everything you have hidden from all of us back then? Are these the questions you keep asking yourself when you sat on your own looking at the things around you?'

Questions popped up in his mind, he couldn't find the words to tell her for he knows once he opens his mouth, his voice would choke.

"Tell me, please tell me. Am I still human?"

"..."

"Am I?"

"..."

"Was I a human?"

Finally her question changed, his tears almost dropped as he opened his mouth.

"How sad that even now in your dream you are being terrified. It seems you also didn't notice it, how you are currently in a dream that looks like it was real. All of this are just a dream. Once you wake up you'll know that you just had a nightmare, you never asked these questions and you never met me."

"You are Eureka and you are a human. Whatever you can do, that was done by your past life. Not you," after saying this with a restrained voice and no longer wanting to see her suffer more, he hit her at the back of her head rendering her unconscious.

Before she completely lose consciousness, she once again heard him say, "Everything was a dream."

She saw his face before everything turned black and a question appeared in her mind, 'Why are you crying?'

Raven's tears have flowed before she could finally fall unconscious. His heart was in pain as he carried her back to the castle.

Everyone was also shocked upon seeing her in his arms. No one noticed her leave the castle how come they were once again with each other?

But Raven didn't bother speaking, he placed her back in her room and with hesitation planted a soft kiss in her forehead, "Everything was but a nightmare."

*****

"Let's.... not let her remember."

The whole room was silent. The last decision was left to Raven before Eureka and Hikari was taken by the rebels. He called for a meeting early this morning and said that he shall give his answer.

Feena and the others thought he will tell them to make Eureka remember after seeing his worried look as he look at her unconscious while they return. Who would have thought that the day after that event their expectation was not met.

Indeed Raven also had that thought back then but after yesterday, he could no longer find it in himself to make her remember everything she had done in the past.

"Why?" Haruka asked him.

She can see how much he struggled in his decision. That is why she wanted to know how he came up with this decision.

He didn't respond, he silently stood in front of them.

"How did you come up with this answer Raven?" this time it was Akihiro.

The tears he was stopping dropped as he clenched his fist, everyone who was present was utterly shock.

"I don't... *chokes* I don't want her to remember. The number of people she had killed and the questions she asks herself when she was alone. This is the only thing we can do for her, the only thing I can do for her."

He looked at both his hands as tear strained his face, "I don't want her to ask herself once again... if... if she... *chokes* if she was still a human."

He dropped on his knees as he covered his face with his hands. He was crying, he just feel so much pain. His heart was stabbed multiple times yesterday, when she asked those questions.

He never felt so weak, not until now where he couldn't even stand firm and he could only cry. He felt so weak and incapable after seeing her cry and ask about her own humanity.

Mutsumi stood up instantly as she hugged Raven, the others surrounding him. Over the past five years, no, even before that, when Eureka was still with them. They never saw him in so much pain.

"What is it? What happened?" Mutsumi worriedly asked.

"She kept asking me, over and over again. 'Am I still human?' I understood then, that was not a question this person in front of me is asking. This had been the question she had been asking herself all those times."

In everyone's mind flashed Eureka's smiling face, her angry look, or when she's sad or melancholic.

It flashed in Akihiro's mind when she was called in his office the day after the conspirators were named.

("Then, what your children have, are not lives?" Eureka asked, she looked at him with the corner of her eyes.)

She was cold back then, so cold that it scared him.

'Yet she had no other choice. She was protecting something important to her. But who on their right mind would be fine killing so many people? Anyone would have gone mad.'

His mind was a mess, he can still clearly remember how cold she was. But even that coldness couldn't be accomplished in one night alone. It can only be exuded by a person after washing their hands with blood over and over again.

Each of them remembered the way she looked whenever she sat down alone looking outside the window, or sitting at a boulder looking at the scenery. What was going on in her mind back then?

"I was so close to her but I never noticed anything. I was so close..." Raven was still crying, his voice full of suffering.

No one could tell him anything, no words of comfort could be said to him. Cause even their hearts were in turmoil. The question they never thought they'd ask themselves have asked by her, inside her, multiple times.

*****

He was watching them as he clicked his tongue, "Human emotions truly are like glasses, it could break even for another person."

She then looked at Eureka who was asleep, "You sure are ruthless, you made them feel all these guilt and pain. But you yourself already had the decision for so long."

"You shouldn't have waited for their decision, instead you should have given this to yourself the moment you returned. Really, no matter what you do, you only give them pain."

"You must be unconsciously bringing them pain, in return of everything you have suffered in the past, don't you?"

He couldn't help but to shake his head. He then scratched his head after a moment of realization.

"I, on the other hand, seems to have been affected by you humans. Your emotions were so strong that even I have to feel pity towards all of you. I suppose I'll stay away after finishing this job, I don't want to be entangled with the human emotions you all have."

With a flick of his fingers, the letter addressed to Eureka appeared in his hands. And with a sigh he walked towards her room.

After this event he can finally leave this place. He first came hear to enjoy yet who would have thought that he had actually stayed longer to be used by another person?

He somehow felt exasperated because of this. For human's the amount of his stay were so long but for him it was but a fleeting time.

"Who would have thought that my boredom would cause me so much pain in the ass?" he kept complaining as he waited for Eureka to wake up.

Then he can finally be free.

~Author's note ^_^~

I had been thinking how will Raven reach his decision? I already have it in my mind, how Eureka will remember. But I felt it lacking if I just make Raven say that she should not remember just because of how calm her eyes were. I was stuck to this part thinking so many scenarios that I can think of, but nothing could match it.

Somehow I came upon the anime, 'Violet Evergarden'. Upon reaching episode 7 and 8, the idea came to me. It was already 1 am, people were already asleep, but I just up and took out my keyboard.

This part was created way before Eureka returned. Hmmm and the date is April 20, 2020. At 6 pm of this day the chapter "Leave him be then" would be published.

Edited on June 6, 2020... With this we are almost done with our first novel... But I still hope to see all of you on my next novels... ^_^

Chapter end