Selfish love Chapter 60

Mariza POV

I woke up with a hammering pain in my gut and again in a hospital bed smelling of iodoform- this particular whiff always nauseated me and that's what made me hate hospitals . More than its distinctive smell what made me hate it was the fact that kept symbolizing death- Some people might argue with that but hospitals are nothing but a reminder of darkness and death .

I heard a guy clearing his throat and that's when I knew that i wasn't alone . I tilted my head with great strength and saw Nate standing with a solemn expression on his face and when our gazes collided he quickly averted his eyes .

It was that moment when everything blurry in my mind started to clear and I realized that i fell pretty badly but that's not what freaked me out- the fact that my tummy pounded the floor with a bang made me sick to death .

Nate meticulously approached me and made a sorry look on his face- he was never the one to be empathetic or sorrowful, ''This too shall pass'' he muttered not looking into my eyes .

With all this pain in my tummy I managed to chuckle but it came out more like a cough, ''What?'' I said with a hint of confusion because as far as I was aware nothing had happened to me- I moved my arms to see if there was any fracture or something terrible then i touched my face but only could feel bandages there and an adhesive that made me retch . I even moved my legs but they were fine .

''What are you-

That's when I experienced epiphany and i immediately touched my tummy to feel something maybe a bump or a sign that the little life inside was still alive but I only felt a plaster on it and just a flat lifeless stomach .

Nate's eyes followed my hands and that's when he lost it, ''Hey don't cry or Joe's gonna smash my head in the wall'' he said with a freakish smile .

Had he gone mad? Why would I even care about losing that dickhead's child . If feeling satisfied about losing a rapist's child made me a monster then that's what I am because i couldn't even feel an ounce of sadness- I would have hated this child because i didn't have it in my veins to love a baby which was a result of a horrendous r*pe .

''I wish i could make a video of you having this bat shit crazy expression on your face'' I said with a hint of smile . That's when he really got confused and for a moment he remained still, ''You're fine with this?'' he said in shocked in a voice .

That's when i realized no one expect Valz was aware of the fact I was ra*ped that night and I also got pregnant by it but sadly now it again became a secret between me, Zolly, Perrie and Ryan and I definitely don't want to relive those moments again so i chose to answer sensibly, ''It's useless to cry over spilt milk'' I said trying to act depressed with a fake sad expression on my face .

His forehead creased a little but that was for a moment because he cocked his eyebrow, ''You lost you baby'' it seemed like he expected me to shout and cry like a maniac .

After Nate noticed sobriety i my reaction he let out an amazed laugh, ''You really are strong, damn it i thought you're going to make Joe beat the shit outta me'' he then saw my baffled expression and explained, ''That asshat said and i quote'' he cleared his throat dramatically before saying, ''If I see her crying- Nate I swear i'll bang your head straight into the wall'' he then chuckled before looking at Mariza strangely .

''Who was the father by the way?'' his voice was curious .

I was not going to spill the beans on this topic because talking about that baby and Ryan was something that angered me .

''Why don't we talk about what a man-whore you are'' I bit out in a loud tone . He smiled and shook his head, ''You can be savage at times''

I tried to roll my eyes but ended up increasing the pain in my eyes .

I desperately wanted to ask Nate about Valz but I feared about getting the answer- I was aware that he had lost his memory but losing memory didn't involve loving people whom you hated before your accident .

Why was he claiming Malifiya to be his mother instead of Katelas and why would he even call that sugary princess his girlfriend?

Thinking about it ached my heart but I knew I had to face it because life isn't always easy, you'll have to face disappointments, sadness, depression at the same time .

Our suffering brings us down to earth and makes us realize that everything isn't in our hands . It makes us realise that we aren't as invincible as we thought we were . We are all prone to feeling pain and we aren't in control of the things that happen to us . Our life must go on .

Chapter end