LEGEND OF THE GOLDEN TIGRESS 487 The Tiger Rests

All the while Xing tried to remember if there was any indication previously, that he had remembered the past but she couldn't remember clearly.

'Could it be that day when I got cured, he remembered too? But, why did he lie that day?'

Chenglei brought Xing inside their courtyard and opened the room even she was forbidden to enter. Leaving her by the door, he lighted the lanterns bringing brightness to that dark room.

As the golden light of the lanterns, brigtened up the room, Xing was flabbergasted as the entire room glittering. The entire room had everything in gold.

But Xing's eyes fell first on a big painting hanging on the wall.

A little girl with raven black hair, wearing green, playing with a white tiger and cubs in pure white snow.

"Is that me?" she asked Chenglei who after lighting up the entire place, stood by her side. She knew it must be her, since who else could it be if not her to occupy this big a space in his room?

"It is me... When...? I look so little...," she grabbed his arm and asked all the while, her eyes, still on the painting.

'The painting is so pretty... I wanted to see how I look in his eyes before... And was I really that pretty? Am I really that pretty in his eyes?

But when did he see this? I don't remember me playing with tigers when he was living with us,... I used to play with snakes since he got scared of it... So how..? He imagined it...?'

" Xing! You are crying," he wiped her face with his hands and hugged her. He couldn't help but smile seeing her pouty face.

"You remember when I said that I met you before we met during the assassination attempt? Some time before the assassination, I saw you playing in the snow with those tigers. That image is still vivid in my mind, Xing. You said I smiled at you when I got down from the carriage as if I've known you my entire life right..? Not my entire life, but I had just seen you an hour earlier... But I wanted you for the rest of my life when I saw you at the distance when those assassins stopped my carriage. I've never seen anyone like you who would play with tigers like they were cats and I wanted to posses this extraordinary girl to flaunt with. I wanted to make you mine alone. And I did succeed, didn't I? I'm old now, and I have you in my arms and throughout your life, you only had me in your heart... Didn't I win...? " he spoke in his deep, proud voice.

Seeing her still in his arms, crying, he couldn't bear to keep on his act anymore. He thought of telling her everything and here she is crying. His heart couldn't take to see her cry. It's been a long time since he saw her crying.

" Why are you still crying? I'm here saying that I just wanted you to nurture my pride and you aren't even hitting me? Come on...Xing... Look at me..." he tried to get her look at him.

"Are you this happy that I remember you? I thought you didn't want me to remember you," he asked but she still was burying her head in his chest and crying.

"So...," she looked up, her entire face was red. He held her cheeks and gave a peck in her lips. He couldn't help it. He could never understand how she still looks like she is in her forties while he looked like an old man. People might me misunderstanding her as his daughter.

"What, my dear wife?" he smiled. He knew she liked it when she smiled and so he smiled more when he is with her. He didn't have to try hard to smile when he is with her too.

" Would you have smiled at me and protected me, if you didn't see me previous to that assassination attempt?" she looked in his eyes, still sharp and gentle... But now it was a little guilty.

"Ah, I know," she chuckled and some tears flowed through her cheek breaking his heart, " You wouldn't have. You'd have distracted the assassins to chase me and tried to save yourself," she hugged him close.

Chenglei stood still for a moment before hugging her back.

" Hmm," he agreed. As always, she knows him the best.

A sad yet accurate knowledge of his character.

That is exactly what he would have done if she was there. He was that dark. But in his fate, she wasn't there when he was attacked and he ended up dying after hearing his mother's words.

"I'm glad you saw me first. What would my life be without you? ," she wiped her tears in her sleeves. Of course she knew. It would have been terrible with her fate and all. She was just a pawn in the game of gods. And she'd have died a lot early.

"I'm glad you were there watching me, Xing. If not I wouldn't have survived, " he added. It is the truth.

"Yeah, whatever! What's the use taking about the past anymore?" she stopped crying and looked around. Chenglei showed her the other paintings he did. There were paintings of their kids, grandkids and even Ah Sheng. But in all those paintings, Xing was drawn at least in the background.

'This guy! ' Xing smiled, 'he pushed me out of this room and even in here he was thinking about me?' She was pleased.

There was a wooden box neatly secured with golden locks and Xing, the curious one she is, went straight to the box and Chenglei didn't want her to see his priced possession.

"Give me the keys..."

Xing held out her hand and Chenglei shook his head, refusing. He looked cute.

'This man... How is he this handsome? He gets more handsome each day. What should I do? People might already think I'm his elder sister or mother even... How dare he prettier than me? Who'd believe I'm younger than him?' Xing pouted.

"Don't play games with me old man, you know I will win. So just accept your failure and hand over the keys," Xing tried to reason with him but he was guarding the keys like a mother bear.

"Haha, old man. You asked for war, you got it!" Xing fisted her hand.

Some minutes and a scuffle later Xing with a grin, opened the box while Chenglei hid his face.

"I never should have brought you here," he mumbled. He really didn't want her to see those paintings. She'd definitely get mad.

Xing saw rolls and rolls of paper in there and was surprised. As she knew there must be something wrong for him to hide these paintings.

What could that be...?

She hurriedly opened one and was stunned. It took her some seconds for her to compose herself as her heart beat erratically. She opened another one and her face paled more..

"Xing..." Chenglei tried to get near her but she stopped him with a glare.

'Oh, she is angry! But I will defend these drawings with my life!'

"Destroy them... Bury them... No,no,no,no... Burn them, grind the ashes, mix them in water and pour it into the sea... Now!" she was firm.

Her husband has painted her in various attires, most of them, she wore during their intimate moments. There were some paintings of the 'private dances' she did for him.
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What if someone else sees this? I'll be ruined! And why do I look that alluring in those paintings? Am I that beguiling? Or is this hungry wolf's version? This man! He pushed me out of this room to paint me like this... Idiot!

"Okay," he said obediently, seeing her fuming and pulled her out of the room and locked it.

I'm sorry, Xing! I really couldn't help it. I won't destroy them all and will save some.... Eh... No, I will destroy them all. Your image is imprinted in my heart anyway. I don't need these paintings to remember how alluring you are.

Xing wasn't mad he did that paintings, she was more worried if someone else will find those paintings. This guy! This idiotic guy!

"Let's have dinner alone," Chenglei asked Xing and she agreed too.

During dinner, both had not much to say. They were speechless. Chenglei was posting about her decision and she had no intention of changing her mind. It is some decision she has made after careful consideration.

Xing helped him in Bath as usual and helped him dress as usual. For a long time now, she's been doing these kind of little things for him and he got used to it. He was someone who likes doing his work himself after all. But now he got comfortable with her doing it for him.

"You are very handsome, Chenglei"

As they laid on the bed, looking in each other's eyes, xing said with a smile. She knew he is hurting but she had no intention of backing off from her decision.

"And you are pretty, my moon," he said gently placing his hand on his cheek. He didn't want to let her go. She was like his shadow all these years, by his side and how could she suddenly leave?

"I love you, hubby" she smiled and kissed his palm.

"I love you more, wifey!" he kissed her forehead.

"I know," she took a deep breath, "I know for sure"

He was the one who loved her more. She knew it.

"I never wanted to have you as a possession," he wanted to clarify what he said previously. He didn't want her to feel bad.

"I know, silly! If you wanted me just to flaunt to others, you wouldn't have bothered going through all those troubles for me. I am not stupid..." she has a gentle smile in her face.

He hugged her close and placing his nose above her head took a good whiff of her scent. He really didn't want to let her go.

Seeing there was no sound coming from her, he got startled,

" Xing! "he cried.

"What?" she asked a little tiredness in her voice, "Sleep, " she added knowing he is worried.

"Xing...," he called her after some time. He didn't want to sleep. He wanted to keep looking at her.

"Do you want to cry? If you want, you can cry," she said looking at his eyes and he just stared at her in deep contemplation.

She was waiting, he knew. Waiting to get his permission. She wanted to leave but she still wanted his permission. Will I be ever able to? But I have to. After everything, she has the right to go as she pleases.

'Selfish woman! Deciding for herself!' he scolded his wife in his heart for sometime.

"I'm glad you are my wife, Xing," he squeezed her in his chest. "You gave me, my every happiness. And if this is your decision, I support it," he used every strength he had to utter those words and held back his tears.

"I'm glad you are my husband too, Chenglei," she hugged him and beige she knew it, it was her crying.

"You are my happiness"

For her, he was her happiness.

Everything that happened, good and bad alike, now looking back at it, felt like a dream, like a distant memory. At those trialling times, they felt as though it would drain their lives out of them. But they survived and now they are here, blissful.

Chenglei placed his hand on her cheek and kept looking in her eyes. Those pretty eyes were always so pretty and even after all these years, it still talked volume.

She really is happy!

She changed the fates of many and this nation for the better and for the past decades, she just lived in his home just like a woman who depended on her husband. She ever forgo her life as a Prince of Heavens to be with him.

There was absolutely no need for her to serve him, but she chose to be a virtuous wife.

There was absolutely no need for her to raise their children herself, but she chose to be a good mother.

Rather than standing up above a platform, changing destinies, she chose to build a home as a mother and a wife.

Of course, she couldn't entirely stay away from politics and would weigh in time to time but still, her priorities were her home and her children.

What was she better at? If asked, his answer would be, she was more better at handling conflicts with a sword than with a pen, an embroidery needle or a spatula.

But she chose the other path which was hard for her and yet she was really blissful doing it since it was her choice.

For her who was not given much choice in her early days, she really was happy with what she chose.

As for him,

All his memories of her were pleasant. Was there even a bad memory? He didn't remember. There is bound to be one or two here and there. They've lived and loved for almost six decades after all.

But in this last moments of her life, he could only be happy and pleased with his life. She brightened up his life, being the moon at night and the sun in the morning. She was the food he ate, the air he breathed and the water he drank. She was his everything. She is her everything. And forever she will be the only one in his heart.

"Sleep well, my love. I'll follow you pretty soon," he said in his heart and kissed her forehead. His eyes watered but he didn't let it out. It is sad, she is leaving but it is the way of life. And soon it will be him. Just like he vowed, he'd try to hold his life for a year before joining her.

" Sleep, my love, my moon and my wife, " he smiled. It was genuine. So genuine he felt the same happiness he felt when he saw her behind the bush that day as she looked at him, in that field of snow.

It is surprising his heart still races looking at her. Yes, he loved her. His love for her only grew more and more each passing day.

"Sleep, Chenglei. You have a long day tomorrow," she kissed him back. She was elated he is smiling the same way when he met her, the day he promised in the pond and a million times after. In fact, he had the same smile everytime he'd look at her.

Was there a time when he looked at her differently..? Yes, he did. But thinking now, she couldn't even remember his cold face. She forgot that as she saw his smile each day after that.

Yes, she loved him. More than everything else she had and everything she was offered. All she ever wanted was him and she got him.

There were many she loved, close to her heart. But she would have betrayed each one of them if she had to choose him or them. That's how she lived. That's how she loved. And that's why she was elated right now. He returned the same love she had for him.

"I'll look at you for some more time," he held her hand and placed it close to his heart to feel her warmth. It would be hard without her by his side from now on.

"I'm not going to sprout to a young girl if you keep looking me like that," she chuckled and he chuckled a little.

How perfect would that be, if that happens?

Xing calmly lied by his side and watched him watching her.

"You really pampered and doted me a lot. You took really good care of me when I was sick and endured my emotional instabilities at times. You protected me, provided for me and persevered adversaries with me. You are the best husband any girl would dream to have," she said.

" This is what any husband would do, "

He replied downplaying everything he did for her right till the end.

That's how he was... Never acknowledge his great love for her and dismissed as a normal thing.

Xing could say he was pleased, a lot and he is not depressed. She felt relieved too. The last thing she'd want is him losing himself after her passing. She would never want that.

He looked at her as if he was imprinting her image in his eyes and after a short while, fell asleep.

'How handsome! I'm glad your calm, handsome face with that gentle smile is the last thing I see this lifetime! My Prince, thank you for every happiness you gave me.'

'There were a lot of things I was good at, but I was happier, no , the happiest as your wife, as as a mother and grandmother, and consequently it was the life I chose. And I have no regrets. Everything, I did... I did it my way! And I'm glad for it. And I'm leaving with no regrets.'

'Yeah,I know you'll break, but still, I cannot live longer than you. So endure it for as long as you can'

'My love, I'll be waiting for you'

She closed her eyes, in his warm embrace and his blossom scented breath falling on her.

Like she always wanted.

Chapter end