LEGEND OF THE GOLDEN TIGRESS 438 Tears and Words

Xing wondered how she'd react after meeting Chenglei after long and how she should start the conversation. She was pondering about Chenglei's reaction after she gets there too.

But when she sneaked a look at him through the curtains, she was touched by the pitiful way he looked and she felt bad for him.

Guess he is stressed about this meeting as much as I do too.

When she got out of the carriage, he held out his hand for her but as she was holding the baby she couldn't give her hand and she could see the surprise in his eyes and it made her a bit aware of the situation she is in.

Bringing in a child to raise is a big decision and she has made such an important decision by herself and more over this child is the crown price of another kingdom. This will cause a lot of troubles if not handled properly.

But then again, she didn't have a choice with this child. He was forced on her by her friend for his safety and what else could she do? Throw the newly born child away to die?

She knew Chenglei is not that heartless and could understand her if she explained properly.

"Ooohh....aaaah", the baby cooed waving his little stubby hand looking at Chenglei.

Chenglei who was terrified looking at his wife donning a serious expression, moved his eyes to the sweet little child who looked at him with his big watery eyes blinking and his toothless mouth had a smile as he waved his little hand with his fingers all pink and small.

How cute...

Ah! It's a shame he is not our son.

Like a gust of wind that thought passed on his mind, unconsciously.

Chenglei winced as that thought passed through his mind and he felt a tug in his heart. He never knew he himself would think that way. He had heard that a man becomes father once he sees the baby while a woman becomes a mother right when she knows of her pregnancy.

Is that why I didn't have such feelings till now.? I didn't have such feelings when I saw my nephews and niece.

Is it because this child looks like me?

No... The second price looks like me too. I didn't feel that way.

No... It should be because, I see my woman with a child who looks like me, right?

Now I want one?

Do I really want a child?

'Maybe... ', he sighed. He felt a crushing pain in his heart.

It is a big deal isn't it? No wonder she got hurt. I was a fool to not realise that. But even so, I want a child only if it is Jiaxing's. That I am sure of.

Without knowing he was gently caressing the child's forehead with his index finger when the boy held his finger.

He has a nice grip! Chenglei smiled.

Xing who felt his refreshing scent oder to her, saw Chenglei's rare gentle smile. It was not the same smile she is accustomed to but a different one.... One that held, his fatherly love. She bit her lips and took a deep breath.

Who wouldn't want a child? He is a red-blooded man. He would be no exception. Didn't I know it already?

"This child...", she was about to explain.

"Let's talk inside", Chenglei gestured to get in. He had made this entire place as secure as possible but who knows who might be lurking out there. Its better to be careful.

Chenglei brought Xing inside the inn and led her to the upper floor with a big comfortable room. Xiao Mei wanted to run to Xing but was held back by her husband to let the husband and wife have a talk first.

Xing placed the baby on the bed that seemed new and looked around to see all the furnishings that are new and they were in Chenglei's preferred taste.

He didn't buy the Inn, did he?

" Did you have lunch yet?", Chenglei was standing by to door and asked Xing.

"Not yet", Xing looked at him and she saw the owner of the Inn bowing in front of Chenglei and accepting his orders.

He really did buy the Inn!

Chenglei asked her to sit in the small round dining table inside the room but the baby started crying for milk.

And before Xing could call for Cai Yue, the wet nurse, Xiao Mei entered the room and got the baby from Xing's hands and exited the room.

There was a sharp silence in the room until they finished lunch and and both of them didn't know how to start the conversation as they stared at the floor with enthusiasm.

" Li WeiXin is Yukiko's..."

"How are you...."

Both of them started talking at the same time and stopped as soon as they realised the other person is talking and to let the other finish the sentence.

But no one spoke again and there was a deafening silence once again. Xing felt her heart racing being alone with Chenglei and she could hear his heart racing too.

Should I speak first or let him/her speak first?

Both sank into silence.

Xing felt her throat go dry and she poured herself a cup of wine and took a gulp.

As she placed the cup in the table, she felt a warm hand embracing her hand,

"JiaXing...", Chenglei's deep voice filled with gentleness shook as he spoke.

"I wasn't fine without you, my love. I missed you a lot"

Xing gasped by the warmth on her hand that she missed for a long time. Her eyes misted immediately by the words filled with love and longing that entered her ears and she took a deep breath.

No, I can't cry!

I know he loves me. I know.... But still...

She looked at the man in front of her. The rims of his eyes were red as if he was holding back his tears and it seemed like he was waiting for her reply and that is the only reason he is not letting his tears out.

"You...", Xing could not control herself anymore and tears started flowing from her eyes. "Then why did you.... Say that... Right to my face....? Huh?", she said withing sobs.

"I'm sorry, JiaXing. I was extremely stupid, I'm sorry", Chenglei stood up and hugged her as he said that.

Xing gripped his collar tightly as she buried her head in his chest and she could feel the top of her head getting wet. He was crying too.

She tried to look at him but he held her head down until she calmed down. She could hear him sniffing and then he was rubbing her head with his sleeves probably to wipe his tears off her head.

Xing calmed down pretty soon, maybe because she had a fellow person suffering with her and pushed him away and stood up wiping her face. She knew she have to make it clear about their past.

At least she must try to...
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" What you might have heard about me having a man in my heart before that day we met in the desert, is true", she said and expected his expression to change but he just looked at her and took a deep breath.

"I know, you did. And, I know it is me", he pulled out the betrothal letter and held her hand and placed it on her palm. He wanted to talk about the issue about her infertility first and how it won't affect their relationship, but she started to talk about the past.

Whatever! What the wife says goes!

"You know?", Xing was surprised. How did he know? In the past, no matter who told bim about their past, he won't remember. So what changed?

Xing opened the letter hurriedly and read it and her eyes widened.

"You wrote this... And?", she couldn't understand what he meant by giving a betrothal letter.

Didn't he give one like this for their wedding too? Althogh it was fake. But... How many times will he propose and send betrothal letters?

For Xing, his handwriting is something so familiar as he ways wrote to her in his true handwriting. Also his birth time and his parents name, she already knew. And none of the details were new to her.

"You really do know everything about me, don't you?", he was surprised by her reaction. She already told him that. And he thought it was a joke.

For Chenglei who was very secretive about his past, someone else knowing about his past was surprising and him revealing his past to someone on his own accord was unbelievable to him, since he forgot her.

Xing didn't answer him and observed the piece of paper, " It is old... When did you write this?", she looked at him for a second before observing the paper once again.

"Wait...do you remember writing this?", her amber eyes were filled with curiosity as she looked at him.

" Uh...? ", Chenglei was folding his hands over his chest and observing her. She was always a pleasure to watch.

"So... You... Where did you find this?", she asked as her eyes reddened and her fingers trembled and he knew she was filled with joy.

So he found it and remembered our past?

Chenglei's heart had a feeling that is associated with the colour green seeing her getting emotional knowing he wrote it before he forgot her somehow. And he didn't want to answer her.

I proposed to her in a grand way and gave her a wedding the kingdom has seldom seen and she is this happy about a piece of paper from the past? So for her the past me was better?

Chenglei frowned.

Xing didn't notice her husband getting jealous of himself once more and her mind wondered about the various possibilities that this letter surfacing just now.

Where could he have found it...?

"The drawer...?", she pointed her finger at him, "You found this letter from the stuck drawer didn't you?", she smiled and a tear dropped from her eyes.

"Ah! You always hide stuff in between the drawers. Why didn't I think of it before? I thought the drawer got broken. Ah! I'm stupid", she hit her forehead rather strongly with her palm.

" Wait... You placed it when I visited with my father and brother didn't you? It's been four years!", she couldn't help but smile as she paced to and fro with the letter in her hand.

Those days... They didn't know about the plans of gods are anything and their only hurdle was her father refusing to accept him.

So he wrote this and kept there for me to find and the dumb me didn't find it? I'm stupid... I'm stupid!

Xing cussed herself and she could feel a burning glare by her back.

"Why are you mad now? Shouldn't you be...", Xing pushed him to sit on the bed as she noticed him getting red with anger.

Didn't he remember everything? Why is he mad now?

"I don't remember anything", he harrumped.

Xing's happiness turned several notches down as she heard it.

So he still doesn't remember. I got too excited for nothing.... But... Still he knows he wrote this and why is he mad?

'This woman! Openly getting happy about the letter someone wrote... No... I wrote the letter. But it's not me me ... It's the me who forgot her', Chenglei was sulking.

"You.... Are you jealous of yourself, dummy?", Xing placed her index finger on his temples and he snorted and pushed her hand away.

"Aren't you getting too happy for the letter he wrote?"

Seeing her glaring at him he corrected himself, "I know I wrote the betrothal letter but... I don't remember ever writing that letter"

"But you could remember that my lover was always you now?", she asked.

"Now? So you've talked to me about this before?", Chenglei was surprised. Why is everything a mystery?

"Yes, but you forgot that immediately no matter how many times I explained that you are the only one in my heart", she said and rubbed her forehead.

"So what changed now...?", she mumbled.

Is it the portals closing and the gods promise to not interfere anymore?

Or is it because Chenglei found the letter himself without anyone's help wishing for answers?

It could be both!

"Whatever", she mumbled, "At least you realise I have no lover"

Seeing Chenglei still pouting, Xing couldn't help but laugh.

"Look at you", she laughed and she felt a pull by her waist and in a moment she was pinned on the bed by him.

"But you love the past me more", he complained. His breath intertwined with hers and there was merely an inch between their lips making both of them hot and wanting. She could feel his lower body reaction on her thighs.

"Of course I do", Xing pushed his chest making a good distance between them.

As much as she wanted him, this talk was more important of they didn't want any future misunderstandings.

Chenglei understood her refusal to get physical and laid by her side facing her. Yet still he wasn't willing to let go of her as he held her waist close to him.

"What good is the current you, Hmpf? If I really met you in the deserts for the first time in my life, I wouldn't have fallen for you", she curled her lips and was blunt,

" You get jealous of every man I speak to, you stopped me from helping people, you locked me up, you didn't even talk to me, you left our marital bed cold, you spoke cruel words to me, you called me a...."

"Alright", he stopped her.

He did act terrible to her.

He saw tears on her and wiped the tear from the corner of her eye, "I was cruel.. I apologise... But, why is the past me that... Special in your heart..? For you to endure it all?", he asked.

How good was I to her in the past for her to still willing to talk to me and forgive me.?

Chapter end