LEGEND OF THE GOLDEN TIGRESS 429 The Stuck Drawer

Is it really?

Xing who was about to speak out realise how big of a decision is it.

On one hand there is everyone from the Heavenly realm who were with her for a long time and her extraordinary powers... On the other hand there is Chenglei... That man who had given up his everything for her - his title, his throne and his bright future in the court and stood by her side, helping her with Shihong.

In fact, in both case, she won't be losing Chenglei. She can have it all of she chose to stay in the Heavens and she just have to wait a bit for Chenglei to join her.

'Are you mocking me?'

His sneering voice echoed in her mind. He hated her powers now and he thinks that she is claiming superiority to him with her powers even though it has never been her intention, ever.

Should I really hold on to these powers still?

Yes! He gave up his everything for me and I should do the same if that makes him feel comfortable.

But...

What do I want really? Her thoughts wandered as she felt the urn in her hand. Her master got to great extents to warn her mother and that was where her fate changed from the one the god of fate wrote for her. Also Fei Lian did something he is not supposed to do and save my life and took care of me as I grew up. Those people didn't care about the consequences they might face to help me too. I wouldn't he alive if they didn't do what they did.

Xing always wondered may be it was because she ate in Fei Lian's place a lot when she grew up that she is able to control so much power in her mortal body. They do eat the produce from the Heavenly realm and it is much more nutritious than the food from the human realm. Otherwise it would be impossible for a normal mortal to have the ability to hold the power of the Prince in their body with or without the god essence.

Even the Heavenly Emperor was kind to her and she has taken advantage of his medicinal garden many times.

The mountain god, Mazu and many others have helped her in many ways too.

If she just gives up her powers and decides go to the human realm cutting all contact with those gods, wouldn't that be unfair to them?

Only after a long time did selfish Xing realised that she is now thinking about others while she is deciding for herself.

Ah! Since when did I start caring about others this much? Even when I was asked to ask for suggestions, I naturally spoke for my parents and brothers. If I asked for Chenglei's memory to return, would they have granted it?

She asked herself but she still couldn't regret what she did. Maybe she changed.... A little, tiny bit?

Ah... No!

I will decide for myself... And what do I want?

EVERYTHING!

Yes! She wanted Chenglei, her contact with the gods and also her powers.

I want everything just the way it is now! I would love it. My relationship with Chenglei is a bit bumpy but it can be solved by having a talk. I don't have any ego when he is considered and I will humble myself to whatever extent for him.

And Fei Lian cannot contact me as much as before but I could at least I could feel him at times and I could see him if I personally make a visit here so it is not that bad.

Is that too much of me to ask not to change anything?

But I really don't want to be living in the Heavenly Realm... No! I will not stay here and live forever. I just want to live for a while and then die and laid to rest.

So even though Chenglei and I can be together, I still don't want my life with him in the Heavens.

So that's settled.

And my powers....

Didn't they say I should seal my powers?

He he he...! ' I should seal' and not 'We will take back your powers' is what the Heavenly Emperor said.

So my powers are mine to seal and not theirs to take back.

If those powers are mine, why should I seal them just because they said so? I can promise them I won't be using it too much to change the will of the Heavens and not seal it entirely. They will have to agree since it's not like I pass it to my next generation.

There is not going to be one!

Or maybe I should ask for a medicine for my womb?

With those thoughts in mind, Xing started her negotiations. It took a lot of time but she had a lot of time to waste. She was in no hurry to return back to the human realm when her man doubts her.

-----

Meanwhile,Chenglei who searched for her an entire day, knew she won't appear in front of him. Still he was running around the entire mountain where ever he could search for her.

The sun rise and set as it usually does, the wind blew, the summer rain showered, Bees buzzed, birds chirped, wolves howled.

Yet she didn't return.

Everything was as it should be but all he felt was emptiness. Somewhat he was used to it... Before she came in his life. Before that bright, cheerful, quirky woman made appearance in a sandy desert making his life a blooming garden filled with happiness.

My love, where are you?

My life has become far more intolerable without you by my side....

Please come back to me...

Without knowing, he ended up in the pond that they previously went. Last time he was hiding in the bushes and watched her take a bath in her birthday suit. He didn't remember much more than that except a splitting headache. But she was there with him when he came to.

Now... She is nowhere to be found. She really disappeared.

Her hurt face before she disappeared came to his mind.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry for not trusting you, for not believing your love for me, for trying to suffocate you inside my Manor and my harsh words before you left me.

Please come to me and let me explain. I really don't care about that past lover of yours. I will never ever bring him up again.

I love you, JiaXing! I love you more than I love myself.

It's been a week since you left me and I miss you more each passing day.

Please come back to me. Let me apologise and let's live a happy life together.

As he sat there watching the ripples forming in the water, throwing stones into the pond, he saw something big surfacing.

As he watched the big creature coming out of the pond with a big splash.

The Azure Dragon....

Isn't this the god of water who previously got her inside the ocean back when JiaXing got sad?

Chenglei stood up hurriedly and bowed in front of the god.

Mazu saw the troubled and unkempt man in front of her and she felt bad for him and guilty... A lot of guilt shadowed her heart.

If only she didn't make those plans with her sister to make him forget her... Those two always had a good understanding and they'd have gotten through anything thrown their way and him forgetting her spoilt everything.

Their trust got broken and that created a lot of misunderstandings. Both of them are insecure thinking the other one might not want them.

"She definitely will return to you, little one. Just give her some time. Remember this, she only has you in her heart. Now go home and clean yourself up. She won't be pleased to see you this way"

Chenglei looked at the gigantic dragon in front of him speaking with a motherly love and nodded. And her words got etched to his heart.

'She only has you in her heart'

I know it well... I know...

'She definitely will return to you'

Will she though....?

Chenglei saw the dragon all scaly and scary. But the aura from that dragon was so soothing to him, he could easily trust her.

"Give this to that child when she returns. Do not forget and make sure it reaches her hands. This is really important for her and I can only trust this with you"

Mazu said and disappeared. Actually she was holding back her tears. After what happened at the Heavenly council, she was forbidden to even hug her. She wanted to at least pass this to her but she wasn't allowed to.

Fei Lian gave his last gift to that child too and even he was refused to engage with her except for taking back his protection on her. She really did it! She cut off all connections with the Heavens. But she is still refusing to come to her husband too.

Since Mazu felt responsible for what she started, she came to that child's husband where she might have a chance.

When she planned to break a rule and visit a mortal, she thought of meeting someone with a chance of accepting her words. That stubborn ox of a child will definitely not listen to her.

Please be well, my child! I will watch over you!

Chenglei got the chest she gave and started walking.

Home?

I'll wait at your home...

I don't want to return to the city without you.

Weeks passed as Chenglei waited for her in her house. By now he was pretty accustomed to that house and even cooked and cleaned waiting for her.

That goddess has given his wife a set of a beautiful peacock coloured dress with beautiful pearls attached like dew drops in the beautiful flower embroidery.

The Great importance of that robe skipped his mind. But it was a gift and he knew his wife loves that colour and he kept the dress safe.

Each day passed and oddly his nervousness reduced surprising even him.

He believed she'd return to him.

He got comfortable in this simple life in her house. She really is a weird one he thought as he found a bunch of silk pouches all filled with gold coins stuffed in the rafters of her house.

It reminded of squirrels saving chestnuts for winter inside trees and made him smile as he imagined her storing those pouches in those rafters.

There were some books hidden there too. Some books he would never ever read. He got nosebleeds reading one of the book. And she had a lot of them hidden there.

Is this where her abundant knowledge about bed activities come from? Surely she had tried most of these 'techniques' on him.

So it's not from her previous lover? I was wrong?

Wait... Could there be no previous lover?

Is that why she was that hurt when I spoke to her that way?

No... But everyone around her knew she was devastated about her lover...

Ah! Whatever! Her past lover won't intimidate me anymore.

I refuse to give up!

Then he remembered the stuck drawer and decided to repair it. She seemed to want to take a look at her mother's sewing kit.

When he tried to open it, he could immediately guess the problem.

Something has gotten stuck between the drawer and the table.

He carefully removed the drawer and what he saw was a beautiful and expensive piece of stationery paper. He has a bunch of those and he only uses it rarely... Like, never!

Even the envelope was made of that paper and had a beautiful painting on it.

This style.... Isn't it mine?

He opened the envelope and took out the single sheet of paper inside it.

Why is there a watermark of plum blossom in it, he thought looking at the paper as the sun fell on its back.

What he saw written in that paper made him tremble and the paper in his hand flew away and almost got lost.

It was a Betrothal Letter in his handwriting. Betrothal letter announcing his engagement with Tang JiaXing.

Chenglei was trembling as he checked the authenticity of that letter. He took a seat after pouring himself a cup of tea.

Her tea would have been much better!

He reread the letter multiple times. The letter had his original handwriting, not the one he uses now as Li ChengNuo.

His father's name, mother's name, his birthdate and birth time... Everything was accurate. Hers too.

I'm engaged to JiaXing?

Judging by the condition of the paper, he could say it was here for at least four years.

Noway! Just no way!

How could this be possible?

Is this another one of her pranks? That woman jokes about weird things....

No! She couldn't have gotten this much of my things and accurately copy my handwriting!

He opened every drawer in her house and inside another drawer there were a bunch of handwritten notes.

I wrote these too?

And there it was another letter, handwritten by him hidden deep inside a drawer in between her clothes.

And the content.... Those books he found from her raters weren't this articulate and artistic about the matters between a man and woman.

I wrote this to JiaXing? I wanted to do all these to JiaXing?

Well.... I still do and I've done most of it... Still....

What is going on?

The assassination attempt.... She knew about it and joked that she found him that day.

Is that not a joke?

The painting of the little girl I have.... Could that be JiaXing?

He could feel his head hurting. He placed everything inside the drawer and just slept in her bed. It smelt like him now.

What should I do? Who do I ask?

I don't care if it was really me or someone else.

But it should be me, right? I have hard evidence...

I'm happy....

I'm joyous...
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I wish it were true but I really don't care if it isn't either.

It could be that she made an elaborate prank on me...

No...

This is real. I'm the one in her heart. And that's why she was more hurt that I told her she is running to her lover.

How stupid am I?

Wait... I'm not stupid. I don't remember anything.

Why can't I remember anything if I wrote all these?

Why didn't she tell me she has only me in her heart...

Wait... Isn't that what the god said too?

And JiaXing told me... Probably....

I'm confused! And my head hurt.

Chenglei decided to not think about the possibility of him being her previous lover. He didn't care either way and waited for a month in her home for her but still she didn't return.

When she still didn't return, he returned back to the city as he heard there was a frenzy in the capital city by the Princess Consort and Prince Jin's disappearance.

He waited for months in their Manor but she still didn't return.

Chenglei still waited for her patiently.

I was the one who drove her away and I will wait for her to come to me by herself.

----

In a beautiful room filled with all furnishings to her desire, the black haired woman sat beside the window with her hair flowing freely in the wind.

On her lap was a baby... A boy baby to be exact. His short silver hair flailed alongside her hair and his emerald green eyes seemed to contain all the happiness in the world as she looked at him and her eyes were filled with motherly love.

His pink lips were glistening with his saliva as he was sucking his fingers and his stubby nose was pretty. The chubby boy in her lap waved his hand at her all wet with his saliva and cooed.

"You dirty, dirty boy! You want a kiss?", Xing spoke softly and planted a smacking kiss on his chubby cheeks making him smile showing his toothless mouth.

"How long are you going to stay here?", the voluptuous woman sitting in a chair opposite her asked as she admired the girl, no, woman sitting with that baby in her hands.

She had watched her grow up. From picking up girls to getting into troubles she had watched her.

She watched her blushing face for the first time when she came with that boy after her mother died and the next time she was troubled and yet made a mature decision making her proud.

But now, she looked like an adult with that little baby in her hands. Her hands that are calloused with sword is now gently holding a baby.

Her face has matured a lot and her every demeanour had become more mature and gentle that is so unlike the one she saw growing up.

Good for her!

"I'm paying you, aren't I, big sis?", she curled her lips.

"Sigh! Like I care about your money! You are a married woman... Not to mention, a Princess Consort, with a child, staying in a brothel. Do you even care about your reputation?", Lady Shaoyao spoke to her bluntly.

" Just what happened that day?", Lady Shaoyao's voice was laced with concern. This one just knocked her door one day and is staying here without telling her anything. She even made her stay extremely secretive and no one knows about her presence here.

What hurt her this much?

Chapter end