Kingdom of the Weak 71 The Pi

By the time Remian arrived on site, Daring Drum was in a very, very bad mood.

He roared. He cursed. He swore. He used a lot of bad language that none of the humans except Remian understood. He squirmed and struggled valiantly…

All to no avail. DD was, to put it mildly, stuck. The pit wasn't very roomy in the first place. Deep, but not all that wide; the giant boar was stuck head-first in the hole, with his backside upended, legs pinned tightly in the shaft.

"Surrender!" Remian called down. "Acknowledge my claim as the Lord of this Fief, and we'll free you!"

Actually, looking at how the boar was stuck, Remian had to wonder if it was even possible to get the boar out of there.

[Never!] Daring Drum roared. [How dare you treat me as a common pig, to give in to the whims of humans! You…!]

The tirade went on for quite a while, with very colorful language (for a Wild, anyway) echoing around the pit and muffled by the boar's own bulk.

Remian let it go on for a minute, then decided to raise the stakes. "What's that, you say? You're cold? Hold on, I'll get you some fire!"

The roaring became even louder, but still to no avail.

"Fire!" Remian generously gifted his boar guest some. The fire lance was shot directly downwards…

[YEEEEOOOOWWW!!! My butt! My butt is burning!!]

"What's that? Not warm enough?"

[STOP! Stop this indignity right this…]

"Fire!"

[YOOOWWW!!]

"Is that enough, sir boar?"

[YOU WORTHLESS…!]

"Fire!"

[Stop! STOP! STOP!! I QUIT!!]

An awkward peace ensued amid the sound of burning meat and the smell of roasted pork…

[Get me out!!]

"Call off your forces first!"

[All forces withdraw! Now GET ME OUT!!]

"Right…" Remian looked about, and scratched his head. "Anyone have any ideas on how to get the boar out?"

"Bull!" a young boy suddenly shouted pointing. "Dada! There's a bull!!"

"It's Bellower!" Aren jumped. "The Burning Bull is coming straight at us!"

"We have to stop him…" Zania began.

"There's no time! Everyone run!" The fiery bull was close enough now that his flames lit up the night with a dim glow.

They scrambled to get out of the way. Carrie grabbed Remian and dashed northwards of the pit…

[HUMAN!!!] Bellower bellowed as he charged way ahead of his herd. Head lowered, he charged directly at Carrie and Remian. [YOU WILL FALL!! I shall become king, for I am the mightiest, the most glorious, the most awesome… URGHK!]

Sudden darkness fell. There was a godawful crash, and then an earth-shaking roar.

Bellower: [GUAWAAAAHH!!]

DD: [AAARGGGHHH!!!]

"Ouch… that's just…" Remian couldn't help wincing in spite of himself.

Flames erupted in a maelstrom, a churning pillar of fire exploding out of the hole as Bellower struggled and roared and tried to burn his way out.

As to the efficacy of such brave efforts, well… other than providing an interesting light show, the fire didn't help the Burning Bull escape from the hole at all. He had fallen in very much in the same manner as the boar earlier, and was likewise stuck in a most embarrassing position…

Speaking of the boar earlier, he was the direct recipient of Bellower's power, fury and horns…

"Should we… do something?" Mindy asked Remian, needing to shout to be heard over all the roaring and bellowing and burning going on.

"Like what? There's so much fire there, I don't think we can even get close!"

Mindy hesitated, but even she didn't offer any feasible suggestions. The pair of them stood by Carrie's side and exchanged awkward glances as fire, smoke, and oddly delicious smells accompanied the roars from the Frontier's biggest pork barbecue pit.

"Turn off your fire, and we can try to pull you out!" Remian offered.

[I WILL NEVER SURRENDER!!!] the bull-headed Bellower bellowed.

[YOU BRAINLESS BOVINE!!] Daring Drum howled from deeper down. He said a great deal more, but all of it was generally along the same lines. In the space of several minutes, DD verbally abused and insulted Bellower, his mother, his grandmother, his entire family and nine generations of their ancestors.

In response, Bellower turned up the heat and the pit became a veritable furnace. The delicious roast pork smell was rapidly changing to a burnt meat smell…

On top of that, the sounds were getting increasingly muffled. Remian didn't understand why, not at this time, and was not about to discover the reason for it until the next day.

"Should we… do something?" Mindy asked again.

"What can we do?" Remian shook his head. "There's nothing to be done. We'll just have to leave them be and wait it out."

"Right. Well, then, I'm going to bed."

"You don't HAVE a bed."

"Then shouldn't you build me one?"

"I had plenty of beds built at the western settlement, but then Spike smashed it…"

"Excuses, excuses!"

"Why don't you go build your own house and your own bed? I'm sure you can afford it by now!"

"What? Why? I'm waiting for you to build them for me!"

"Handle it yourself, please!"

They left the site just like that, while behind them, the roars coming from the pit were increasingly muffled as the fire burned on.

***

When Remian and company checked on them the next morning, the pit had fallen completely silent.

There was just a faint orange glow coming from the pit by now. Remian peeked over the edge and was startled to see what had happened to it.

The pit was filled with lava. It was only about half as deep as it was before, and all they could see of the new bottom was a layer of orange lava, still bubbling and smoking. Of the boar and the bull, there was no sign.

"No. NO!" Remian howled. "That was Tier 5 barbecued pork!! The furs! The bones!! What a waste!!"

"We can still dig in to the lava after it cools. Maybe there's something left?" Mindy asked, observing the lava. "I mean… the Burning Bull wouldn't get burned in his own fire, right? We might at least get some beef. He might even still be alive."

"Even Burning Bulls need air to breathe. Covered in liquid lava like that… he probably drowned." George observed. "But of course, we should dig out whatever we can after the lava cools. While we wait, let's get the shovels."

"Let's get the Lynxmice." Tim suggested in turn.

"And the wolfcats."

Remian silently observed the cooling lava and shook his head. "Here lie two great Challengers. May they taste good."

Meanwhile, there was still a giant tortoise out there somewhere, presumably on the way to challenge for the Lordship, but nobody knew how long he would take to arrive. Also, there was another Tier 5 they had to worry about; what were the chances that this Fryday, the Beast Wave would call Spike again?

At the thought of Spike, Remian turned and looked back at the 'barbecue' pit once more.

And grinned.

Chapter end

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