Kara no Kyoukai Vol 1 Chapter 3

Panorama - III

calls home. Shiki’s apartment is quite close by, but my apartment is about

remind me of the lack of sleep mentioned earlier, and I stay close beside

“Hey, Mikiya. Do you think suicide is right?”

“Well, let’s put it this way. Say I had a terribly deadly retrovirus, such that

be saved, then maybe I’d kill myself.”

Shiki makes a disappointed face.

you, but I wouldn’t have the will to live while the whole of Tokyo sees me

path. An instant of determination, or a lifetime; I think you can tell which

easy choice. And when push comes to shove, I don’t truly think I have what

After that, we continue to walk in silence, leaving me to think more about

thing. It might even be called heroic, another one for the books. But choosing

the foolish thing to do. Struggling through the slings and arrows allows us

which I don’t think I could muster. I don’t say it though, since I feel like Shiki

“Anyway,” I try to conclude awkwardly, “Each person has his own

“You’re different, though,” says Shiki, as if reading my mind. Shiki said

there somewhere. Slightly taken aback, I couldn’t bring myself to answer it,

the bustle of people and the noise of engines. It sounds like we’re nearing

accompanied by the wave of people commuting home after a day’s work.

36 • KINOKO NASU

Shiki stops suddenly.

“What in th—“

it, c’mon” variety. Shiki’s apartment is closer, and it would be easier that

“It’s all right, really,” I try to say. “It’d be boring even if I do go there. Or

wasn’t anything, so this should have been the end of the discussion, and

“Strawberry.”

“Those goddamn ice cream cups you bought a while back. They’re still

“Well, I suppose I did buy them.” Got me there. I bought that on a hot

after all. Well, whatever. Not like it matters in the grand scheme of

choice but to follow. But I can at least make a feeble attempt to strike back.

discussion, makes Shiki mad but unable to retort back properly. It’s about

to have seen it proper to bestow upon Shiki the stubbornness of mules.

Harsh eyes look at me, and I respond with as serious a face I can muster.

something about that. I mean, you are a girl after all.”

“Hey, my mouth, my choice of words. Got it?”

Epilogue

I took the main avenue on the way home. It wasn’t a shortcut, and I

I decided to do on a whim.

more of them new, while others were abandoned husks, all commingled

was tired of looking at them day in and day out. While walking beside the

a ways ahead of me.

In the moment that that person fell, I heard a sickening sound. The wet,

anywhere near you. The kind of sound you never really get to hear often.

he or she was died the instant it hit pavement.

more clearly. All that was left, all that my mind could take in, was the

long, black hair, which still retained some of its living beauty.

The scene struck my mind with the image of a flower pressed between

what happened here. In the end, I suppose she chose the true slumber,

A throng of people had already begun to gather around, and Azaka and

“Miss Tōko, that was a jumper, wasn’t it?”

long since played out. Society had better things to do than psychoanalyze

they’d say one suicide is no different from the next. Kirie’s last wish, right

not to dwell on it for long.

a trend, huh? I don’t really understand what goes through these people’s

38 • KINOKO NASU

vision on an illusion of the light.

fly.”

40 • KINOKO NASU

The First

April 1995.

42 • KINOKO NASU

A cool breeze blows through the mansion, unexpected when it was just

want to take an evening stroll again. I’m putting on my shoes, when a voice

“Lady , please do come home early this evening.”

voice, as always, and make my way out of the entrance hall. Past the

house, and I’m finally out. Darkness lay beyond this point, there being no

any person except for me.

bamboo thickets surrounding the periphery of the mansion rustled in the

Walks through uneasy silences such as these are the only thing I derive

As the night grows deeper, the darkness draws closer. I think I walk

I want to think I’m alone. Either way, in this world, it’d be hard to be completely

avenue, taking a detour through a narrow alleyway.

It’s kind of pointless, really. No matter what I do, the mansion and the

house and it would cut down on my commute time, but looking back on it,

The alley is dark, save for one streetlight flickering nervously like a beacon.

I’ve been quite restless lately, even during these evening strolls. It’s all

expect it, and whenever I least like it.

anyone, and they couldn’t grow close to me. I didn’t know why exactly,

to say, I’m a misanthrope. I couldn’t come to like people ever since I was

not really. It didn’t stop them from thinking that way, though. It wasn’t 

long before my schoolmates got the picture, and within a month, people

Not that I didn’t like a quiet environment either, so that state of affairs

last. There is the one classmate who treated me like a friend, a person with

can attribute to him: annoying. So very, very annoying.



.

I follow him into an alley.

Inside the alley, it’s like an entirely different world. The alley is a culde-sac,

sunlight shone upon it even on bright afternoons. Honestly, it looked more

in this dead space, but not today. The walls of this alley just got a brand

smell of rotten food is commingled with an even stronger scent.

alley, and the sweet, sticky smell pierces my nostrils. In the center of it all

His arms were severed, and the legs became stumps around the knee area,

A world so different, even the darkness of night was being overwhelmed

touch the blood running on the ground, the sleeves of my light blue kimono

lazily across my face. My body shakes in utter ecstasy, as if in a trance. The

44 • KINOKO NASU

As summer vacation draws to a close, a new semester of high school

the students change to reflect the approaching cold of autumn, but apart

day in and day out.

Akitaka tried to get me clothes “befitting a woman of my sixteen years”,

school I go to allows you to wear anything you want, so I actually went to

of kimono, but if I did that, I’d have to spend the entirety of P.E. just to

one-layer yukata.

solution presented itself yesterday. During break time he approached me

“Not right now, no,” I replied. “But perhaps in a few more weeks.”

too?”

directly. “Without fail. There’s no need to worry yourself, however. I can

“Wow, I didn’t figure there was anything you could possibly wear over

I thought up at the moment, but not wanting to lie, I decided to buy

in my closet.

invited me, and I couldn’t refuse out of politeness. We had our meals at

just like us idling their lunch time.

when he suddenly talks to me. I had already planned to ignore him,

“Murder. It happened on the last day of summer vacation. It was on the 

western wing of the commercial district. There’s an embargo on the media,

“…That isn’t very nice, is it?” I say nervously.

hands and feet and left him there to die. The crime scene was a mess, and

is still at large.”

that?”

I’d say circulatory shock came first,” he says while chewing his food. Outwardly,

these are the sorts of things he really wants to talk about. I suppose one of

not too high a standing, however, else he wouldn’t be leaking information

“It’s quite alright…but Kokutō, this isn’t really a meal time topic, don’t

He offers only a simple nod in reply, barely even registering his faux pas.

I just bought.

autumn by hearing such a morbid rumor. The life that I thought would

46 • KINOKO NASU

It’s been raining hard since morning. The clacking of my footsteps on the

has concluded for the day, and not a single soul could be found inside the

activities, but the murder incident that Kokutō told me about had finally

Akitaka told me in the drive to school earlier this morning that it had

open. The suspect remained as yet free from the law, and whatever personality,

In fact, marking the suspect as male might even be too hasty right now.

that they were all taking a walk quite late in the evening. It really is quite

remote and far away town. Students stop hanging out after school and

the murderer has on the city is so tangible I can almost touch it. Even I’m

even go out to do my nightly strolls.

“Ryōgi?” someone calls out suddenly. I turn towards the direction of the

shirt, both of them quite plain and unsatisfactory. He must be someone in

“Yes, that would be me. What is it?”

looking for Kokutō?”

“I was about to go home. I have no idea how Kokutō factors into that.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, and you know it. That’s why you’re irritated. It

other than yourself. It’s become a habit for you, hasn’t it?” He chuckles at

times is a bit too much?”

satisfied smile I now realize looks similar to my own.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long now. Now that I have, it’s time

echoing in the dim, empty hall. It produced a vaguely disgusted feeling

entrance.

rain greet me. Akitaka, who was supposed to pick me up, evidently isn’t

me a ride, but he is obviously late. I’m too lazy to bother changing shoes

The rain looks faintly like a veil, and it makes the campus grounds look

of my breath visible.

had appeared at my side.

“It’s alright. I have someone picking me up. You should hurry up and

“In a moment. I thought I’d stay here until your driver got here. If that

Without waiting for me to answer, he leans against the concrete wall of

to say. In fact, I planned on systematically ignoring him until such time that

A miracle. He’s actually quiet for once. I can only hear the sound of the

that, with a satisfied look on his face, he had already closed his eyes. I

singing under his breath. I know it was a famous song, but I couldn’t

Truly a miracle. Much later when I got home, I asked Akitaka what the

Kokutō didn’t speak. We weren’t even a meter apart. For us to be this

but the silence wasn’t at all painful. Strange. Why was this silence calming?

raced in my mind, telling me that if it stayed like this, he would come out.

“Yes?!”

48 • KINOKO NASU

oddly. I see myself reflected in his eyes. Looking at each other like that, it

a boy’s face, and a gentle disposition. He had black hair which he didn’t

glasses that even little children would find atrocious. He wore no accessories,

all-black ensemble all the time. It has always puzzled me why he always

“Where…” I look down, trying my damndest to think that the ground is

here?”

of school, and we held something like a farewell party for him. His name’s

wanted to do. It surprised me, seeing as he was one of those quiet, unsocial

knows a lot of people I don’t. The class sees him as a friend to everyone,

“I invited you too, didn’t I? I told you when we said goodbye to each

looked for you in the classroom, but there was no one there.”

there. That, and I thought Kokutō inviting me was just him being his usual

“Oh, so you were serious?”

gets mad, not because of what I said but what I thought he said. I’ve never

that moment on I sink into silence and wait with my mouth shut. I don’t

badly as this one. Not long thereafter, the car entered the front gate, and I

When the sun began to set, and it grew darker and darker, the rain

my head. The night sky overhead is in turmoil. The clouds that blanketed

/ 3 • 49

made my way to the riverbank in hopes of avoiding them.

the menacing metallic rumbling of a train. That means the train viaduct is

short upon reaching it when I see someone there.

Another train passes overhead, probably tonight’s last ride. The noise

rumble reverberates as loudly as if I was in a sealed room, and I have to

solemn sort of silence descends under the viaduct.

That might be for the best. Red liquid is spread all around the riverbank,

fifth. The weeds around here are overgrown, but the corpse it surrounds

with dismembered arms and legs surrounding it, twisted to look like flower

I’m starting to get used to this. I gulp, and I realize my throat is dry. Is

matter. This place is pregnant with death, and I smile wordlessly in spite of

almost too overwhelming, but I manage to hold it back. I gaze upon the

50 • KINOKO NASU

At the beginning of each month, it is customary in the Ryōgi dynasty for

In the past, different swordmasters would be invited to participate in the

stopped this practice long ago, and created within the manor his own

of the Ryōgi dynasty must bear a certain standard with the sword.

he made the sword dance like no other, and easily overpowered me. It

After this, I waste no time in returning to the main building of the manor,

the compound is immaculately treated, and makes no sound as my feet

On the way, I see Akitaka standing in a corridor waiting for me. Ten years

my childhood days. He is a dutiful and patient man, especially with me.

clothes.

“Goddamit, Akitaka, stop shadowing me all the time. I can at least change

up to my brother, you know that? Males succeed the dynasty, after all.”

There is no successor to the dynasty but you, for you are the only one that

The statement elicits a small chuckle from me. “A gift, is it? What I have,

Leaving Akitaka in the corridor, I continue to head toward the main building.

undress my training garments. I steal a glance of myself in the mirror,

effort to make my face look like a guy, but I can’t cheat that way with the

after year…the body that Shiki detests more and more with each passing

“It might have been better for me to be a guy,” I say to no one in particu-

lar. No one is listening, except for me. Except for him. The one inside me

All descendants of our clan are given two different names, two different

name, which belongs to yang, the positive. And then the feminine name,

been a boy, I would have been named Shiki. The reason we undertake

Ryōgi dynasty have a high chance of inheriting dissociative identity disorder,

someone like me.

that only few know. He also said it was a curse. He got the “curse” part

It is, quite simply, an abnormality. Fortunately, I’m the first in a long time

of my relatives ended up in asylums before they were even old enough to

eventually. The difference between dream and consciousness, the boundary

afflicted soon turns to suicide. But I was different. I didn’t become insane

I like to think it’s because me and Shiki ignore each other. To me, Shiki

simultaneously, aware of each other. In the duel between me and my

it’s a bit different from what people usually call a split personality. I

Father was proud, proud to have actually spawned a proper heir to the

succession, and I took his place. And really, I’m fine with that. I don’t bite

life. Not like I have any choice in the matter. Even if, say, Shiki turns

something called “Shiki” inside of me, and in the end, both of us are the

52 • KINOKO NASU

“So it’s true then? You and the Ryōgi girl have hooked up?”

just said. I go into a coughing fit after almost choking on the damn thing,

who heard that. Everyone seems to be busy minding their own lunchtime

“What do you mean?” I finally manage to say after gulping down my

“Don’t be playin’ dumb with me.” Gakuto’s face looks like he wants to

Ryōgi. Matter of fact, judging from the reaction you just made, seems

I can’t see myself so I can’t really say, but I think I might inadvertently be

The increasingly frigid winds and rapidly decreasing temperature signal

since I first met . The time and our tendency to hang out together

“I’m sorry to say that you have been misinformed,” I finally say. “We’re

“That a fact?” His continued disbelief exasperates me. That Gakuto’s

definition of irony. It goes against his thick-headedness and his entire tendency

pursuits. His status as the pride of the jūdō team attested to that more

that started way back in grade school that somehow sticks to this day.

the kind of broad to just let that go without a warning.”

‘Ryōgi’ one time just to see what happened, and she gave me a look as if I

her, so I ended up just calling her by her first name. Pretty boring, huh?”

delay. He looks really disappointed, leaving me to wonder what kind of

school entrance wasn’t a thing, either? This is a waste of time man, talking 

to you expecting details. Shoulda just shut up and ate my lunch back in the

“Wait, back it up. How the hell do you know about last week?”

but whatever. Your rainy day get-together was this morning’s hallway talk.

I let out a frustrated sigh and cast a gloomy look at the sky, silently praying

“They say this school has a lot of college entrants that turn out well,

blurt out half-jokingly.

work out of this here school,” he replies matter-of-factly. I’m about to make

when Gakuto chimes in again. “Seriously, though, there’s one thing that

way you wanna spin it, it just don’t seem at all like you.”

year level. I was told a more down-to-earth girl would suit me more, with

different but I recognize the same sort of subtle insinuation in what Gakuto

“Oh, come off it.  isn’t as scary as you make her out to be,” I say

claiming some elusive prize.

curious, is all. Scary chicks like that don’t come a dime a dozen, you feel

He must mean “hard-headed and obstinate” when he says “cold”,

only with reluctance do I finally concede.

“Then what part of her do you like? Her looks? What?” I have no idea

Well, it’s clear that  is good looking, no doubt about it. But that’s not

wound, some fragile part of her that’s on the verge of breaking and

her face, her thousand-yard stare, and you realize it isn’t just some convenient

54 • KINOKO NASU

“Well, she does have her cute sides,” I venture hesitantly. “If I were to

regret it immediately. It’s a big hit with Gakuto, however, who laughs heartily

“A rabbit? Man, that ain’t even half right and you know it. If she were an

like that. A rabbit is just…” he tries to find his words amid bouts of laughter.

dies from loneliness?” Another huge laugh.

All of a sudden, Gakuto’s laughter stops. “Know what? A rabbit might’ve

Now it is my turn to laugh, though I manage to suppress the urge.

“Nah, nah, it ain’t about that. I just remembered that there’re rabbits

After thinking on it perhaps a moment longer than I should have, I

“Boy, of course it’s bullshit,” Gakuto says, stretching his arms and leaning

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - II • 55

On the day the finals for the second quarter ended, I saw a very unusual

Inside my desk was a letter, which automatically makes it a bit weird,

surprised me. It was  brazenly asking me out on a date. The letter said

about it was vaguely threatening, almost like an ultimatum.

waited for the next day to come, with all the dread of a samurai who had

I’ve been waiting for what must have been an hour in the place 

I finally see her walking towards me from quite a bit away. The first thing I

autumn leaves. It actually goes well with her bright red jacket. Though I see

at her from this distance. The walk that animates her makes her features

a contradiction not unlike the one you would find on a puppet, a puppet

“Yo, Kokutō. Been waiting long? My bad, man. Losing Akitaka was a pain

The second thing I notice is that she pronounces my name weird, and I

that’s not even going into the way she’s talking now. It leaves me stunned

really is  or some sort of elaborate but dumb prank by Gakuto.

have noticed my mouth now hanging half-open. “Unclenching your ass

weirdly. The same eyes that always looked like they were staring at something

“Um, I—I just wanna check,” I stutter, laughing in my head as I do so.

She raises an eyebrow at me. “You were expecting maybe the school 

principal?”  laughs, leaving a suspended grin on her face afterwards.

to you where we go.”

of her final statement, she strings me along by the arm across a variety

shop after she gets bored. I try reasoning with her, see if she wanted to

immediate and resounding “No.” She’s probably right, anyway. Going to

She talked. A lot. Quite a contrast to the usually quiet  I knew. It’s

Given the state she’s in right now, it made me breathe a sigh of relief that

up with , she says she wants to eat, and so after much wandering,

The second we go inside the restaurant  attracts attention with her

places her jacket on her seat and sits down, I decide to ask her the obvious.

“Only in my case,” she says in between furious chewing of hamburger

absolutely nothing. I mean, you could change how you talk right now and

“I’m sure I’ve got you absolutely confused right about now.”

“I guess I have some explaining to do. This is the first time you’ve seen

same wavelength on this one.”

“It’s what you would call a split personality. I’m Shiki, and the one you

or anything.  Ryōgi has always been one person. The only difference

While she says this, she puts a wet finger to a paper napkin, writing her

Shiki that means “weave”. Another  that means “ritual”.

wasn’t keen on the idea, so I took over in her place. You get me?”

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - II • 57

met before that, but when we talked at the orientation, she said she didn’t

other similar reason, but I guess now I can kind of understand.

so big a difference between today’s Shiki and the  I supposedly know.

much the same, in fact, that doubting the veracity of what she says seems

“But why tell me?” I say.

her juice but immediately puts it down. She doesn’t really like cold things.

things she wants to do the most. But until now there’s no one I could direct

with disinterest and just a tinge of regret, as if dreading the fact that she

she’ll do should I move.

what  thinks right now. I’m not gonna go Charles Whitman on you.”

the saying of something important. “Though…we are beginning to be

“’Out of sync?’ Does that mean you and  got in a fight?”

like that. See, whatever I do, it has to be something we both want. ’

would have gone about it entirely different, though. It’s not really in her to

without really thinking, focusing more on what she’s saying, partly because

Shiki laughs. “See, I like that about you.  thinks otherwise. That’s

The way she worded it, I don’t know if  doesn’t like that I don’t

believe it’s the latter though, for the sake of my pride at the very least.

on the table.

Putting her jacket on, she makes her way to the door with a happy skip 

in her walk, leaving with only one thing to say:

After parting with Shiki, I start to make my way home. Once I reach the

sunset. Though it’s still a relatively early time, there’s a lot less people in

I must be tired after talking (not to mention window shopping) with

greeting to my parents. I was planning to inhabit the kotatsu for a good

friend, had already usurped the table. Wordlessly, we initiate a battle for

end, however, I am no match for him, and while he lies down, half his body

“You must be busy these days, Daisuke,” I say while eating some of the

“Yeah, real busy, what with five murders in three months. Sorry for

police station, and I only get one hour of R&R before I need to get back, so

My cousin Daisuke is a homicide detective in the city police, an irony

would put a man so unfit for the position of solving crime is a mystery not

that happens, a convenience that seems to be proving its worth with every

“How’s the search going?” I ask.

suspect finally threw us a bone, even if it does seem intentional.” Daisuke

“What I’m about to tell you is confidential, Mikiya. You’re not entirely unrelated

Daisuke then proceeds to describe the situation with the second and

loose-tongued, I listen to his story. The second victim was vertically sliced

halves was stuck to the wall.

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - II • 59

marking left on the body. The fifth was arranged such that the arms and

“Obviously someone with some sort of mental disorder,” I say, trying to

“Too obvious, though. This guy has some sort of point to make here.

“Hmm. I don’t think there’s any meaning in them all being killed by a

“But?”

next one might be a break and enter job.”

and heck, this case is giving him. I know he’s barely had any time to himself.

inside houses next if he doesn’t find anyone outside to kill. I hope the brass

not, though.”

wound. “As for why I told you all of this…we found this in the fifth

bag from his pocket; the kind used to preserve evidence, and inside is our

to school.

that he dropped this. Or it could have been intentional, some sort of message.

a visit in a few days,” Daisuke says, almost like a premonition for an ill omen.

The First Homicide Inquiry - III

vacation ends. The only special thing that happened during that time was

other than that, there was nothing else of note.

I could tell she was trying to stay away from other people as much as possible.

has left, but it would always be Shiki that waits, just like today. I keep her

I think.

the classroom in a deep red light. The bright light makes the shadows that

exception. She leans against the window before she begins to talk.

“Not really.” I reply with the tone that implies skepticism at where this

“Well, congratulations, now you know. ’ a misanthrope, been one

right? You think every random Joe you meet on the street loves ya, just like

you too, right?”

kid, you’re scared of ghosts. When you grow up, you get scared of other

“Right. But that ignorance is what’s really important, Kokutō. It never

could be killing puppies in his spare time. You don’t suspect. And since

fake that is, it’s important, since you’ll be able to love other people too.

The sunset paints her face red, and her eyes acquire that peculiar gaze

predator hiding its intentions from its prey. Right now, I can’t tell which

“But it was different for me. Since the day I was born,  had me

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - III • 61

was a kid, she learned how ugly people can be on the inside, and so she

disinterest.”

“But weren’t you lonely like that?” I muse.

sure, but alone? Never.” She tries her best to look like she really means

been trying harder and harder to deny her abnormality. Denial is what I do.

her sinister smile betraying the brutality beneath.

At that moment, the sun shone in a peculiar way, making her face take

“Not really, no. Probably the furthest I’ve ever thought in that vein is

“I see. But for me, that desire is all I have,” she declares, as her voice

“What do you mean?”

back, I welcome with open arms. It’s my sole meaning and purpose, and

always tried to suppress me. She always tries to kill the black stain in her

you, right? ‘People can only express the emotions they know?’ Well, the

She finally stands up from the windowsill, and without making so much

fear, in my heart.

leans close to my ear, her murmur as audible as a shout, “is killing me. She

And with her prankster smile grimly signaling the end of the conversation,

62 • KINOKO NASU

motions as usual, and of course this includes inviting  to eat lunch

“Wanna grab a bite with me?”

put on until now, and yet with her voice wavering, she reluctantly accepts,

 always liked going to the roof, and so we head there. We climb the

surprise and anger is boring a hole in my back. I know the reason why she’s

it’s not like she hasn’t unconsciously been sending signals for me to back

When I open the door to the roof, we find that we’re all alone. It seems

sky.

“I’m alright. If you want to eat somewhere else, however, then you are

As always, her sarcasm-drenched politeness doesn’t really bother me.

finished two sandwiches.  hasn’t even touched hers.

inaudible even in this deserted rooftop, and it was so sudden I wasn’t able

“You said something, ?”

same angry glare she had on earlier.

never ‘thoughtless.’”

 finally breaks open the wrapping on her egg sandwich; the

was fitting somehow.  sits silently now while eating her sandwich in

can practically feel the wave of angered expectation she’s generating, so I

asked her to eat lunch with me.
&ldq

Chapter end