I'm The Ex-Girlfriend of a Soldier Chapter 14

Translator: shiko
Proofreader: asuramaru

"Meize, I…… Haa………."

He furrowed his brows before straightening them and repeated over and over again. He let go of my face

"Right, I won't do it if you don't like it."

“Sorry, Yse."

I didn't know it'd turn out this serious if I didn't wash my hair. I usually let it be like this on days off. I don't want to wash up, I don't want to do anything. I just want to roll around. Something like that.

There was a sense of emptiness when the warmth on my cheeks disappeared. I avoided Yse's eyes, making sure it doesn't show. I had no idea when his hand would make a go for my head again, even if I managed to catch it all this time. I had to be careful.

"…..See you tomorrow, Meize."

The guilt rushed in as I hung my head down, sending him off without seeing his expression.

I thought I wouldn't be able to solve the problem because of the complicatedness of my brain but it seems that my studies were not in vain. I slightly stretched my shoulders, staring at the circles on the question sheet.

"Good job, Meize. If you keep going like this, you'll be able to pass the exam soon."

"Really?"

I stared at Yse, satisfied with the question sheet filled to the brim with circles. However, he handed me the questionnaire that he graded without doing much.

“What's wrong? Meize."

“No, it's nothing."

I fiddled with my pen, waiting for his hand to pat my head. But no matter how long I waited, it never came. Perhaps it was because of my refusal yesterday. Yse's hand, that was usually fiddling with my hair, never made a move.

I washed my hair today. I washed it with the most fragrant and expensive shampoo I had in the house.

"You don't have to worry, I won't touch you."

I don't know if he misunderstood my stare for something else. I laughed and became even more sullen.

No. You can touch me. That was because I didn't wash my hair yesterday, but I washed it today. I used a honey pack, too, so it'll be softer than usual. It'll be more enjoyable to touch.

But no matter how much I shout inside, he won't hear me. I hit my head on the paper, cursing the past me who didn't wash her hair. Nevertheless, I can't study well when there's something boggling my mind.

It wasn't like I was hungry for compliments or anything. But until now, I get a pat on the head whenever I get the right answer. Now that that's gone, I felt a bit sad.

Kuhub. I washed my hair really well today.

“Meize, this formula is wrong."

Are formulas important to you now, huh? I washed my hair really well today and you're asking to see the answer first, I've only touched the tips of my hair but it feels like true art. Why don't you try stroking my head one more time?

"This isn't like the sichma formula, you need the luzzle formula to solve it."

Do you think telepathy works? I stared at him enthusiastically but only professional comments came back.

You, you said you were sensitive to my problems yet why aren't you reacting? Receive my telepathic message.

"I know. I was gonna use it anyways."

I wrote down the new formula while pouting.

Right. What is life. Let's just study. I didn't even want to date you anyway. Let's just hope he made up his mind…… Wait a minute. Did he make up his mind?

Instead of using the formula, I stared at him blankly.

Right now, Yse likes me, how long will that last? Right now, we're rumored to be in a relationship with each other, but it's a fake one. While I depreciate him, he could get tired and meet another woman.

"Meize, if you have something to say, just say it. Don't stare. I get nervous when you look at me like that."

Embarrassed that he felt my gaze, I narrowed my eyes. I wanted him to stop furrowing his brows like that.

"You're handsome."

"Um?"

I'm sure he's handsome. He was also handsome before. He's more right now, more handsome. Sometimes his serious face scares me, but that doesn't mean he's hurt me before. He's beyond nice to me.

"And a good man."

"Uum?"

Handsome, kind, has a good job, he definitely has all the ingredients for women to like him. Of course, there must be many women who like him. And there must be some dashing ones amongst them, he could date other people besides me.

Ah. He could really have another lover.

A woman other than me.

It's not a shocking fact, but I never thought about it before. It felt like I was just hit in the head.

"She's good. That woman."

“Meize, what the hell are you talking about?"

“No. I just realized something."

There was a weird feeling in my stomach when I thought about Yse being with another woman.

If he has a lover, he'll smile at her the way he smiles at me. He'll touch her hair and stroke her cheek. He'll look at her lovingly and confess his love. And of course, there'd be no place for me to step in.

"What did you realize?"

"That you're very handsome and a good man."

That's why I didn't want to lose him to someone else.

"Even if you praise me like that, I won't tell you the formula. You have to figure it out yourself to improve."

He said sternly, tapping the formula I had written down with his pen. But through his dark hair, I saw that his ears were redder than before.

If he goes out with another woman, I won't be able to even look at them. We're friends right now, but our relationship is a little vague. Yse likes me, and right now I'm shaken by him. Who'd tolerate a lover who has this kind of history with a friend? Even I can't.

“You know what, Yse?"

"What are you trying to say, Meize?"

“Please pat my head."

Yesterday, I didn't let him pat me, acting like I'd die if he did. I thought it'd be embarrassing if I asked him to do it the next day, but it's not as bad as I thought. My mouth dried up because of my nervousness. Swallowing my saliva, I stared into his pretty red eyes.

“Head?"

"Yup. Pat my head. Like usual."

He tilted his head when he heard of my strange request but didn't refuse to do so.

I hesitated a bit before I felt his big hand on my head. I stared at him. He stared back at me before stroking gently, as he always did.

“You didn't let me do it yesterday. I wonder how the wind is blowing today[1]."

[1] Meaning 'what happened' and things along that line

I was dissatisfied with his words, I wanted him to tell me it felt soft. Feeling the comfort of his hand, I put down the pen I was carefully holding.

I didn't have to worry anymore. I'm satisfied with even the littlest of touch.

“How is it?"

"So, Meize, you're saying a lot of strange things today, what's really going on?"

I had work to do. Something very big by my standards.

"I think I like you more than I thought."

"Wait a minute, Meize, I think that expression of yours is a bit dangerous."

Maybe he's embarrassed. His hand, which was petting my head, stopped momentarily. Without even knowing, I took his hand and carefully lowered it. Then, I looked straight at him with my hands wrapped around his.

“When I think of you with another woman. No, it's really unpleasant. I just want you to smile at me, touch me, and I want you to tell me that you only like me."

"……."

"However, I'm still not confident in being someone's lover and completely giving them my heart. I pretended to be nonchalant, but the breakup was scarier than I imagine."

If it were in the real world, I wouldn't be such a coward. But doing it in a world where I'm practically a stranger has always scared me. Whether or not my heart still beats for Syukr, the feeling of solitude, was more painful than I thought.

“So, this is all I can say."

"……Say what?"

He asked in a short but slow tone. His voice was quieter than ever, so just listening to it gave me a goose bump. However, before I knew it, the comfort had made me tear up. His red eyes seemed more comforting than scary.

"I like you, Yse, but I'm scared. When all of this is over, when you're done with me, I'll be alone again. In the end, I can't say that I want to date you."

"Then don't. You're allowed to do whatever you want."

His thumb wiped away my tears. I wonder if the tickling sensation was because his thumb brushed over my eyelids at times. I let out a shallow breath without knowing it was because of something else.

"Nevertheless, this isn't healthy for you. You'll get hurt because of my wounds…."

"Who's going to get hurt? It won't cause me damage."

He cut me off and pulled his hand away from mine. I felt my chest tighten and I opened my mouth slightly. My heart was beating faster than usual.

“It's just an opportunity.”

Through his red lips and white teeth, I saw his red tongue. I unconsciously swallowed my saliva, feeling like Eve who was being whispered to by a snake that tried to tempt me to eat the fruit of the devil.

“Meize Hazelnut, I like you more than you believe. To the point of happiness. And to the point where I don't want to miss this opportunity.”

“Yse, I can't return your feelings. This is only the start of my feelings. Maybe it's better to find someone else."

It was unpleasant to think of him with someone else, but that was all. No, it's honestly a drop in a bucket compared to his feelings. Perhaps even floor level. I was more afraid of love itself than I was of loving him.

When these feelings disappear, or, I don't know if it's going to fire up, but if it's going to start getting awkward, it's better for me to sort everything out in the beginning. It'd be good for Yse, too.

“I wouldn't have approached you if I had been okay with being with someone else. And I can't even think of going along with what you're saying."

He let out a low chuckle as his hand caressed my cheek. I look at his black hair, feeling as if I were bewitched by it.

"I swear, Meize Hazelnut, you are my most precious person. And this fact will never change."

Sorry for the rather late update, I have no excuses other than I got really caught up with otome games and my motivation has hit a new time low :')

the new chapter will come out soon, so will the chapters for ⟨The Emperor's Dog.⟩

Thank you for your patience.

Chapter end