He only married me to show her that he already moved on Chapter 60 - sixty: Broken-Hearted me

I found him still sitting in the living room. I thought I can no longer see him there. He's in dazed.. sitting while looking blankly at the coffee table. And he didn't even notice me walking towards the door. I sighed when I was about to open the door but he hadn't even moved a bit. 

I shook my head and walked back to him. "Gabriel." I patted his shoulder. 

He looked up a bit startled when he noticed me standing in front of him. 

"Love.."

I hold my breath after hearing that word. "I have to go."

He stands quickly and looked at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm old enough to be careless." He looked at me directly to my eyes. 

"Are we okay?"

I chuckled at him. 

-'F.u.c.k.i.n.g shit! I'm hurting! I am in pain! Am I okay?'-

"Of course! What made you think that we're not okay?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just take care." he pulled me into a tight hug, but I didn't hug him back. I just patted him and immediately pulled back. The scent of him and this sweet gesture makes me want to cry and run out of him. 

"Call me if you need someone to drive you home."

I nodded. "I have to go." I said and walked towards the door, not bothering look back at him. I opened the door and sighed loudly. 

But the moment I take my first step, tears started to flow down on my cheeks. I covered my mouth to prevent the sobs that coming out from my throat and run towards the garage. 

The guards open the driveway when they noticed my car, and when I am outside the gate, I let myself scream as long as my throat hurts. I wanted to ignore the pain and tried to pretend that this feeling doesn't exist.. but I can't. Because the more I tried to be okay, the more I feel I am about to break down. 

Tears were blurring my visions, but I continued to drive. Sobs after sobs were escaping from my throat. It hurts.. It really hurts.. I don't know how to stop it. I don't even know how to control it. 

-'I thought we're okay! I thought he already stopped chasing her.. but f.u.c.k.i.n.g shit! I was wrong!'-

I opened the radio to distract me and focused on my driving, but even the DJ wants to hurt me more... 

***Looking back I could have played it differently.. learned about the man before I fell.. but it took time to understand the man, now at least I know, I know him well... 

Wasn't it good..  wasn't it fine.. isn't it madness, he can't be mine. But in the end he needs a little bit more than me, he needs his fantasies and freedom.. I know him so well... 

No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side.. And though I'd move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide..***

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. 

"I hate you! I already know that! Why do you have to tell me that!"

I screamed at the singer who continued her song on the radio. But she's right! I'd move my world to be with him, but still the gap between us is too wide! He can't be mine! 

And because I felt tortured with the song, I changed the station.. and my tears burst out more with the next song. Are there any song on this radio except these broken-hearted songs? 

***Every now and then I cry.. every night, you keep stayin' on my mind.. All my friends say I'll survive, it just takes time... 

But I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart... no I don't see how it can if it's broken all apart.. A million miracles could never stop the pain, or put all the pieces together again..

No I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart... No, I don't see how it can while we are still apart.. And when you hear this song, I hope that you will see.. the time won't heal the "Broken-Hearted Me"...***

"Broken-hearted me? Are you sure I am broken? Am I really broken?" I laughed at myself although I felt the million knives were stabbing my heart right now. 

"Why do I have to feel this? Why do I have to be in pain? And why does loving him is killing me inside?"

I pulled the car to the parking lot of my restaurant. I shook my head and dropped it to the steering wheel. I need to compose myself, because I know Noelle would surely notice my swollen eyes. 

I inhaled deeply and tried to calm my heavy breath. 

-'I can do this! You can do this, Madi!-'

Getting my bag, I opened the car and started to walk towards the entrance. I immediately walked my way inside the back office. I don't want to create any commotion with my employees. I know they would ask me when they all see me with red eyes and nose. 

When I opened the door, I saw Noelle talking to our head waiter, Tony. They both stand and Tony greeted me. I just smiled and he excused himself. Noelle has a deep frown in her face. 

"What happened, Madi? Are you okay?" she asked, concern were laced on her voice. 

"Yeah."

I simply answered and opened the mini-kitchen door. I get the pitcher of cold water from the refrigerator. I need some water right now. 

"I thought you're not crying when I called you!"

She scolded behind me. I didn't know she followed me here. 

"I didn't."

"Then what happened to your eyes and your nose? You cried! And don't give me a f.u.c.k.i.n.g excuse that you sniffed all the black peppers in your house before you get here! I won't buy that, Madielyn!"

I chuckled at her. That's my old excuse back in college. I tried to walk back inside the office and past her but I felt her hand in my arm. 

"Madi, is there anything you wanted to share?"

I just shook my head and gave her a half-smile. 

"Madielyn.."

"I'm okay, Noelle-----"

"No! You're not okay!" I gasped when she snapped at me. "Come here!" she pulled me back to the office and pushed me to sit down on the couch. 

She also seated beside me. "Talk."

I chuckled at her. "I told you, I'm okay------"

"F.u.c.k.i.n.g shit, if you're okay!" she snapped again. I looked at her and her eyes soften again. "Tell me the truth, Madi. What happened?"

I sighed and looked down to my hands. "Well.. she's pregnant."

She frowned. "Who's pregnant?"

"Stacey."

"Stacey? Wait.. Stacey as in.. Gabriel's ex-girlfriend?"

I nodded. 

"And so? What if she's preg------' her eyes widened. '----don't tell me she's pregnant with.... she's pregnant with Gabriel?"

I nodded again and smiled at her. 

"Ohh... are you okay?" she asked and take my hands. 

"Of course, I'm okay! Why would I not be okay?" I laughed at her. 

"Madi.."

"I'm okay, Noelle! See.. I'm laughing! If I'm not okay... I can't laugh right now.. instead I'm crying!"

And I just found myself laughing.. laughing uncontrollably.. laughing the pain that were now eating me inside. I laughed so hard until there were stupid tears that flow in my eyes.. till I can't stop it anymore. I laughed... then after a moment... I also found myself crying in the middle. Then the laugh died.. it replaced by sobs.. a loud sobs that almost ripped my throat. 

"Ohh.. Madi.." I saw her wiping her own tears while watching me. 

I brought my hands over my face and I let out the cries that I've been holding for so long. My shoulders were shaking when I felt her arms around me. 

"It h-hurts N-Noelle. It hurts." I said between my sobs. "

"That's the thing about pain, Madi. It demands to be felt."

"I - I thought were o-okay! I - I thought he... he feels the same! H-He showed me care, he s-showed the feelings that I - I longed to feel. I love him b-but it hurts!"

"What happened? I thought you said you're doing okay these past weeks?" she rubbed my back. 

"Yeah."

"How did he get Stacey pregnant?"

I pulled back from her hug and get some tissue from the tissue box on the coffee table. 

"She's two months pregnant. That's when the time Gabriel doesn't go home at night. That's the time when I don't know where he is. I thought he forget about his revenge with her. I thought he allowed me to get inside of his world... but how stupid of me to assume!"

And because I'm busy letting out my thoughts, I didn't notice that she's on her phone and texting someone. 

I never knew I could feel so much pain, and yet be so in love with the person causing it. 

"Madi.. you cared so much for him, that's why your hurting. When you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve."

I looked at her with tears and small sobs from my throat. 

"Then why are you staying?"

"B-Because I love him."

"You're the most stupid and fool I've ever met, Madi!"

I laughed bitterly. "Don't you think I know that?"

"Then why don't you let go? Why don't you leave while you're still in love, while you can still feel the pain? Don't wait till the moment your heart become numb! If you're hurting, then why don't you open your eyes? Gabriel is Gabriel, Madi! He won't change himself just for you! Because if he would, he did it a long time ago, for himself not for anybody!"

I didn't say anything, I brushed my hair up and wiped my dried tears with my hand. And then the door opened and the look of concerned Sandy came to our view. 

"Oh my Madi.." she run towards me and hugged me tightly. And my tears started to flow again. 

"How did you know that I'm here?" I asked her when she pulled back. 

"Noelle texted me. I'm just near this place when I received her text. What are your plans now? Don't tell me you're still going to be their third wheel?"

I chuckled again. "I am not their third wheel!"

"And what? Stacey is the third wheel between you two? Come on, Madi!"

I sighed and wiped the new tears. Sandy is right. I am actually the third wheel between them. Because he only married me just for her. I can't even accuse him of cheating even when we're married, because she was the real reason why we're just pretending as a couple.

Chapter end