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Chapter 529: Crisis Event Classification (Part 2)
Chapter 529: Crisis Event Classification (Part 2)
"Don’t think you can get cocky just because you took down Qiong Qiong Qiong Qiong!" Tiny Tiny roared. "Only a wimp like Cuocuo Cuocuo Cuocuo would be scared enough to wet their pants! My Tiny Tiny’s Capability is on an entirely different level from theirs!"
"This whole sentence is completely devoid of intimidation and brimming with negativity..." Feng Bu Jue muttered.
"This armor-plated suit I’m wearing was specially crafted by Doctor Sui", Tiny Tiny continued. "Its performance dwarfs what those two wore!"
"So you’re saying your armor-plated suit’s specs are superior?" Feng Bu Jue replied. "What’s there to brag about? That’s Doctor’s capability, not yours! And didn’t you confirm earlier that Doctor made it because you’re vertically challenged?"
"Hmph... I know what you’re thinking right now—‘this opponent’s so weak, the three of us could take him down together’—am I right?" Tiny Tiny sneered.
"Not exactly", Feng Bu Jue said flatly. "I think Pili Dance Hero could solo you. Tap Monster Guest and I would just need to stand around and do backup dancing."
Ignoring the jab, Tiny Tiny plunged into his fantasy speech. "Mwahahaha! But you’ve miscalculated! I’ve brought elite troops developed by Doctor—the Iwnbb Combat Robot Legion!"
"What the heck is that?" Feng Bu Jue squinted, a bad feeling creeping up his spine.
"For your info, Iwnbb stands for I_Will_Never_Be_Back", Tiny Tiny added.
"You might as well call it ‘The Doomed Squad’! Does the creator even want this junk to come back alive?!" Feng Bu Jue shouted.
"Mwahaha! Feel the despair, you foolish heroes!" Tiny Tiny cackled.
"Despair? More like ‘absolute doom’! Even I think you’re beyond saving!" Feng Bu Jue sighed, utterly baffled by this antagonist’s existence.
To clarify... Though this universe leans heavily into absurdity, not all aliens are mentally deficient. The reason Feng Bu Jue’s current plot feels so painfully silly is entirely due to the System’s design.
After all, this was his first Freedom Explore Mode mission. Naturally, the difficulty was set to Newbie Level. Enemies had subpar intelligence, and earning Npc trust was laughably easy. To put it bluntly, even if Feng Bu Jue spent the entire mission as a spectator, he’d still reach the next plot node safely, complete with a safety house.
This applied to all Terrifying Paradise players. First-time Freedom Explore Mode participants faced the same lenient difficulty. Since these scenario worlds weren’t System-generated simulations but actual Multiverse realms, the System couldn’t adjust difficulty per player like it did for Common Scenarios. Thus, it standardized the challenge level.
This setting effectively prevented newbie players (yes, even full-level ones) from accidentally squishing a god’s pet cockroach on their first day, causing cosmic chaos, forced universe-hopping, and a flood of customer service complaints.
"Attack! Iwnbb Legion!" With his grand declaration, Tiny Tiny ordered his mechanical army forward.
The robots roared to life, charging in formation...
【Billie_Jean_Is_Not_My_Lover】
【Shes_Just_A_Girl_Who_Claims_That_I_Am_The_One】
【But_The_Kid_Is_Not_My_Son】
A sudden musical interlude—Michael Jackson’s classic Billie_Jean. Oddly, it jumped straight to the finale, obsessively chanting, "The kid is not my son!"
Pili Dance Hero sprang into motion, ripping off a hat-throwing opening move. The gesture unleashed a shockwave like a collapsing mountain range, shattering the robots’ formation.
Then came the main performance—a electrifying breakdance homage to MJ. His moves synced perfectly with the rhythm, especially the iconic crotch-grab twists. Each motion released explosive energy waves, detonating machines in localized blasts.
Thirty seconds. That’s all the time Cuicui Cuicui Doctor’s "elite" legion lasted before being wiped out. Only Tiny Tiny remained, standing in the street’s center.
"Huh... Stronger than expected", Tiny Tiny sweated buckets. "But trust in Doctor’s armor-plated suit—it’ll defeat you!"
His confidence wasn’t entirely misplaced. At least he’d survived that barrage.
【But_The_Kid_Is_Not_My_Son!】
The final lyrics rang out. Pili Dance Hero spun into a moonwalk, leaving afterimages. In an instant, he materialized beside Tiny Tiny, extending an arm in a dramatic side-point. The strike vaporized Tiny Tiny into gory chunks.
The music cut abruptly. Pili Dance Hero turned to his companions. "Where were we?"
Feng Bu Jue sighed, stepping forward. Tap Monster Guest shrugged, trailing behind. For these three, that massacre was just a casual roadside detour.
"Shouldn’t this be B-Class?" Feng Bu Jue mused, now striding confidently at the front.
"B-Level Crisis", Pili Dance Hero confirmed. "Referring to intergalactic destruction. These require the Universal Superhero Alliance. Standard protocol: led by a Galaxy-Level Hero, teams must have at least five members. City-Level Heroes are barred unless special circumstances demand specific abilities."
He paused briefly. "Next is A-Level Crisis—multi-galactic catastrophe. Fortunately, these are rare. On Earth’s timeline, they occur only once every three to five years."
"That’s way too frequent..." Feng Bu Jue grimaced.
Pili Dance Hero continued, "These crises usually stem from small groups of Super Criminals. Solitary perpetrators would need to be Frieza’s caliber."
"Wait... They know Frieza but not the Avengers?" Feng Bu Jue wondered.
"Born on Earth, you’ve surely read that manga, right?" Pili Dance Hero grinned. "Bird Hai Ming’s Dragon Sign is a classic!"
"Wait, what? Both the author and title are wrong! Why’s Frieza’s name the only one untouched?" Feng Bu Jue mentally facepalmed, yet replied coolly, "Ah... Some of it."
"Heh, seems I’ve digressed", Pili Dance Hero chuckled. "Anyway, A-Level Crisis protocols require a Cosmic-Level Hero leading a team of at least ten. Planet-Level and City-Level Heroes are ineligible unless exceptions apply."
"Got it. But you said seven levels—F to A only covers six. There’s..."
"S-Level Crisis", Pili Dance Hero nodded. "Catastrophes capable of omnicide."
Tap Monster Guest interjected, "Only one S-Level Crisis on record exists. That event forced the universe’s heroes to unite, forming the Cosmic Superhero Alliance."
"Correct", Pili Dance Hero added. "Survivors from that crisis became the first Supreme Committee members of the Alliance. But that’s a long story—we’ll save the details for another time."
As they spoke, they reached the towering Zhazhazha Planet Government headquarters. Over a hundred floors high, its Christmas tree-shaped structure gleamed in dark metallic hues—an alien marvel to Earthling eyes.
By now, Feng Bu Jue had abandoned plans and strategies. With these two interstellar powerhouses by his side, his tactical genius boiled down to one brilliant directive:
"Let’s kick down the door and storm in."
(End of Chapter)
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