Chapter 437: A Reflection of the Past (Suixui's Previous Life)

Chapter 437: A Reflection of the Past (Suixui's Previous Life)



Suixui lived an inconspicuous life in the Jingyang Marquis Mansion for several years.

When she turned nine, her grandmother suddenly called her over and affectionately addressed her as her "heart and soul."

Suixui was bewildered and at a loss.

She accepted her grandmother's sudden concern and care, as well as the jealousy of her other sisters, in a daze.

After being called by the nickname Suisu in the mansion for several years, she finally had a real name.

Xu Yuefu.

To be honest, Suixui was initially terrified.

Later, she felt a mix of emotions.

She was somewhat afraid of the way her grandmother looked at her.

However, when someone valued and loved her, life became a little more comfortable.

She no longer had to fight with dogs for food or endure the secret pinches and scratches from the aunts and maids.

At least, life was no longer as difficult.

Suixui thought to herself that she should be content.

After another year of adjustment, Suixui was unsure of her grandmother's true feelings towards her.

Her grandmother's attitude fluctuated between hot and cold, sometimes being overly enthusiastic and other times giving her cold stares.

Just after her tenth birthday, her grandmother suddenly called her over and said that for the sake of maintaining a good reputation, she would bring her aunt's family to live in the capital.

"Just a little bit of leakage from your fingertips, and you can gain a good reputation. You don't even need to meet them in person; just send them off casually."

"It wouldn't be right for people to say that you've forgotten your own family after gaining a wealthy life."

...

Suixui did not want to bring her uncle's family to the capital.

Despite her young age, she still remembered the kind of life she had lived in her village.

She survived solely due to her luck.

After spending over a year by her grandmother's side, being cautious and careful, Suixui bravely refused for the first time, "I don't want to."

Then, her grandmother took her to the Lotus Temple under the pretext of burning incense and made her kneel outside the main hall to reflect on her mistakes.

"With such an intolerant heart, how can others look upon you favorably?"

"Kneel here and reflect carefully. Only when you understand your mistakes can you stand up."

...

Suixui showed stubbornness for the first time and refused to admit her fault, so she obediently knelt there.

From morning until noon, her knees went numb, but she never thought about admitting her mistake.

Then, a heavy rain poured down, drenching her to the bone.

Just as Suixui was about to reach her limit, Madam He, who had come to burn incense, held an umbrella and sheltered her for a long time.

The woman looked a bit haggard but still had red eyes as she comforted Suixui, "Some things aren't that hard to let go of. Don't be so stubborn. Even if you don't like it, there will come a day when you can make your own decisions. It's better to endure some hardship than to torment yourself."

As Madam He spoke, she became more and more upset.

After a long time, the rain from that day became blurry in Suixui's memory, but she still remembered how Madam He, despite being deeply saddened herself, tried to console Suixui barely had any interaction with Madam He, but seeing Suixui kneeling there, Madam He felt pity and compassion, and so she kindly offered some advice.

For Madam He, this might have been an unintentional act of kindness, but for Suixui, it was like a hand that parted the mist, providing her with much guidance.

No one had ever taught Suixui how to behave; whatever her grandmother said was the law.

She was like a puppet in her grandmother's hands, moving only when her grandmother's hand moved.

Suixui rarely dared to refuse, but when she did, she was heavily punished.

She didn't understand how to be indirect and only knew how to confront things head-on.

After Madam He's advice, Suixui finally understood that there was another way.

In the following years, Suixui made her life easier by yielding and retreating.

She agreed with her grandmother's plan to maintain a good reputation by bringing her aunt's family to the capital.

However, she also intentionally or unintentionally put pressure on the Chen family.

After showing her cousins the splendor and excitement of the capital, she made them realize that their status wouldn't allow them to marry the high-born ladies they admired.

Watching her cousins' hearts break and seeing their drunken, heartbroken state, Suixui didn't feel a hint of satisfaction.

Revenge didn't bring back time or ease the pain in her heart.

After realizing she couldn't find joy in it, Suixui decided to distance herself from them.

Coincidentally, her grandmother didn't want her to get too close to the Chen family either.

Her grandmother often said that they were family, and since she was a Xu, her future would be tied to the Xu family, for better or worse.

Suixui was like a well-behaved doll, softly agreeing and following her grandmother's instructions. As she grew older, she became more like an emotionless, thoughtless puppet.

On the day of her coming-of-age ceremony, she married into the Tang Mansion as the main wife of Tang Fifth Young Master.

Tang Fifth Young Master was a good man.

He was polite, well-mannered, gentle, and warm.

Despite his young age, he was mature beyond his years and extremely considerate towards her.

However, Suixui didn't like him.

Tang Fifth Young Master said that he was willing to spend his life with only her and would never seek anyone else.

But before their marriage, Suixui had accidentally seen him frequently disguising himself and visiting Pear Blossom Alley, where he kept a beloved concubine.

After discreet investigations, she discovered that he kept a slender and soft-bodied woman with a beautiful singing voice there, hidden among the commoners to avoid attracting attention.

One day, Suixui craved a particular type of cake and took a detour to buy it herself.

Unexpectedly, she stumbled upon Tang Fifth Young Master and his soft-bodied concubine passionately kissing in a secluded alley, their voices mingling with the water.

She didn't cry or make a scene and quietly married him.

Suixui thought that Tang Fifth Young Master wasn't so bad; at least he was willing to deceive her.

However, she didn't like them, neither the Xu family nor the Tang family.

She despised their ugly and fake faces but had to put on the same mask to deal with them.

After six years of marriage, she remained childless, and no one from the Tang family pressured her. Tang Madame, her dignified and elegant mother-in-law, smiled and comforted her, saying that their fate had not yet arrived.

At such times, Suixui would display a guilty and helpless expression, indicating her willingness to have her husband take a concubine to continue the Tang family lineage, despite her initial promise being broken.

Whenever this time came around, Tang Wu would passionately declare that he would never touch another, and he only wanted to be with her.

Suixui didn't know if he felt guilty when he said those words.

But she felt guilty whenever she said those words.

Because she loathed her current life and the people around her, she didn't want to be too entangled with them.

And so, she never had children.

Suixui thought that perhaps this was another form of Heaven's favor towards her.

Trapped in this square courtyard, with not a shred of freedom, she didn't want her children to live a life like hers.

So, she decided not to bring them into this world.

In the seventh year of their marriage, the Emperor passed away, and the Crown Prince ascended the throne.

The Crown Princess Consort was crowned Empress, and the fourth miss of the Tang family, formerly known as Tang Cefei, was granted the title of Virtuous Consort.

As the Tang family was the Emperor's maternal clan, they enjoyed great prestige and power. The Jingyang Marquis Mansion also benefited from this connection, and with their significant contributions over the years, the Emperor promoted them to Dukes of Jin.

In this year, Suixui finally uncovered the identity of the woman Tang Wu was keeping as a concubine.

Her surname was Che, and her name was Lingzhi.

She was the daughter of the maid who had almost killed Duke Ling.

Tang Wu had taken her in out of pity.

Che Lingzhi was skilled at winning people's hearts, and as she grew older, she became increasingly beautiful, gradually capturing Tang Wu's heart.

Men often held a soft spot for their first loves.

Tang Wu knew that Che Lingzhi was unsuitable for public appearances and even had to be kept hidden, yet he cherished her deeply, unwilling to give her up even for the sake of power.

After years of effort, Suixui finally gathered this information and shared it with the Empress during one of her visits to the palace.

After living in the capital for many years, Suixui knew that the Tang family's influence had become too strong. If the new Emperor truly wanted to consolidate his power, the first target would be his maternal clan.

And now, Suixui had personally delivered the evidence into the new Emperor's hands.

The new Emperor received the evidence, and soon after, Tang Wu was punished, and the entire Tang family was held accountable.

Tang, once the most prominent official, was demoted twice and ordered to return to his mansion for two months of reflection.

These two months effectively cut him off from the affairs of the capital, and any future involvement would require the Emperor's approval.

Meanwhile, Virtuous Consort was demoted to Green Concubine and relocated to the cold palace.

The new Emperor had been preparing to deal with the Tang family for nearly a year.

In the eighth year of Suixui's marriage, the Tang family's fortunes had drastically changed from their previous prominence.

Over the course of two years, the Tang family experienced ups and downs, and eventually, Tang could not withstand the pressure, leading to his decline.

Tang's eldest son lacked his father's capabilities and could barely manage the daily affairs of the mansion.

Tang's wife went mad, shouting, "Isn't she a lucky star? Why is she now a disaster?"

She must be a jinx!

It was at this moment that Suixui finally realized why her grandmother had suddenly taken an interest in her when she was at the Xu family.

She carried good fortune with her.

Suixui wasn't unaware of this, but she had always been afraid to admit it.

Now, she was certain.

If she was indeed a lucky star, could she make her wishes come true?

She didn't want the Tang family, the Xu family, or the Chen family to prosper.

So, when would they meet their end?

As it turned out, it was soon.

After Che Lingzhi's affair was exposed, the Tang family was held accountable, and the Duke of Jin's Mansion, which had marital ties with the Tang family, also faced difficulties for various reasons.

In less than three years, Che Lingzhi was sent away with a white silk scarf.

Tang Wu couldn't accept this outcome, and the shock drove him to madness. Soon after, he fell into the water and drowned.

The Tang family's decline was swift, and the Xu family's downfall was even faster.

Without the Xu family's support, the Chen family's life became increasingly difficult.

Naturally, the Tang family resented Suixui.

However, she no longer cared.

She pleaded with the Empress to allow her to leave the palace and become a nun at Changqing Monastery.

The new Emperor, considering her contribution to the exposure, granted Suixui's request.

After using the Empress's hand to resolve many of Suixui's troubles, she was allowed to focus on her cultivation.

As for the Tang and Xu families?

Suixui no longer wanted to be involved.

At this point, Suixui, not yet thirty, already exuded an air of old age, enveloped in a somber aura.

She felt that she might not live much longer.

Suixui didn't want to spend the rest of her life living a false and miserable existence.

So, she decided to be selfish for once and live the life she wanted.

In the autumn of her thirtieth year, it seemed to arrive earlier than usual.

By September, the weather had turned chilly, and Suixui needed a thick cloak to ward off the cold seeping into her bones.

After finishing her morning prayers, Suixui sat by the window, gazing at the scenery.

In the distance, she spotted a figure slowly approaching from the foot of the mountain.

The person took a step and bowed, their expression solemn and devout.

Suixui recognized the person as the Princess Qi.

Every September, she would come and bow all the way from the foot of the mountain to the top.

She didn't come for her own blessings but for her youngest son.

The sixth young master of the Duke Ling's Manor had injured his leg in his youth, and it was said that his temperament had become difficult. In recent years, due to the old injury, his health had deteriorated.

During these past two Septembers, as the sixth young master's birthday approached, Princess Qi would personally come and bow devoutly, praying for the gods to protect her child.

Suixui always felt envious when she witnessed this.

She wondered...

If her mother were still alive, would she also be a child cherished by her mother?

If she were greedy, she would wish that Princess Qi were her mother, but she knew that her mother would not be pleased to see her, having already passed her prime at the age of thirty, with half her hair grayed and a face full of old age, almost devoid of any vitality.

Suixui didn't want to live like that.

However, she was tired.

She was too rational, and after wearing the mask for so many years, she couldn't convince herself to believe that it was real.

Fakes would always remain fake, and no amount of wishing could make them real.

And she was unwilling to accept and face such falseness.

So, unhappiness and misfortune were destined.

However, at least she had secured a few years of peace in her life.

Happiness was a luxury, and peace was enough.

(End of Chapter)

Chapter end