Chapter 34: Zonko's Joke Shop
Chapter 34: Zonko's Joke Shop
As the group of four finished their butterbeer at the Leaky Cauldron and stepped out, the rain had lessened.
"Let's head to Zonko's Joke Shop first!" Fred suggested, concerned that if they went to Honeyduke's Candy Shop, they might spend all their remaining pocket money.
"Alright," Albert agreed, shifting his gaze from the candy shop. In truth, he was also curious about what the joke shop sold that kept the trio so enamored.
Zonko's Joke Shop was located right next to Honeyduke's, separated only by a small house. Like its neighbor, the shop boasted large glass windows displaying an assortment of prank items.
The group pushed open the door, causing a bell to tinkle.
"Welcome," Zonko set down his newspaper and stood up from behind the counter, greeting the four young customers with a friendly smile. He was a wizard in his forties.
Albert closed his umbrella and perused the items on display. There were quite a few prank items to choose from.
"Self-Writing Quill," Albert murmured, reading the name of the quill.
"This quill is designed to help you with those pesky subjects," Zonko explained humorously, "It can write out most of the answers for you."
"That's handy," Albert commented casually, though he thought it unnecessary for himself. Offering such an item to him was like giving a model student a cheat sheet.
Next to it was a broomstick labeled 'Berserk Broomstick.' According to the description, when a witch or wizard attempted to fly it, the broomstick would flip, sending the rider tumbling headfirst through the air. It could also spin wildly, perform rapid stops that would fling the rider off, and a few other unpleasant surprises. The highest it could fly was 3 meters.
It was essentially a toy broomstick priced at 15 galleons.
Albert's expression turned slightly awkward as he turned to Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were busy selecting items at another counter. He walked over and saw a row of soaps with black spots on them.
'Frog Spawn Soap,' the label read. When used for washing, it would make the user dirtier instead.
Next to the soaps were teacups labeled 'Nose Biting Teacups.' Albert refrained from touching them, knowing that if anyone tried to drink tea from these cups, they would suddenly bite their nose and spill hot tea all over them.
Yikes! Even wizards wouldn't be spared from this prank! "What are you guys planning to get?" Albert asked.
"Stink Pellets," the twins replied in unison.
"I'll get some Hiccough Sweet and Squeaking Candy," Albert added, not wanting to leave empty-handed.
The Hiccough Sweet was a type of hard candy that would cause the eater to hiccup continuously for five minutes. As for the Squeaking Candy, it was shaped like a little mouse. Fred decided to try one, and as soon as he bit into it, it emitted a mouse-like squeak, as if he had bitten into an actual mouse. It startled him so much that his mouth gaped wide, and the candy fell to the floor.
"How does it taste?" Albert asked, curious.
"It's fine, just regular candy," Fred replied.
"What about you, Lee? What are you getting?" Albert turned to their friend.
"I want to buy this," Lee pointed to a frisbee with sharp teeth.
"That's the Fanged Flyer," Zonko picked up the frisbee and threw it, causing it to let out a howl as it flew. "Be careful when playing with this. Don't want to get bitten."
He then placed a piece of paper in the frisbee's mouth, and in the blink of an eye, it was shredded to bits.
That thing packed a punch! "Let me see if there's anything else," Lee scanned the prices and felt a bit disappointed. The frisbee cost 3 galleons—a bit pricey!
Before leaving, Albert bought two Inflatable Shrieking Skulls the size of his fist. When thrown, they would quickly inflate to the height of a person, let out a shriek, and then explode, covering the target in white powder.
Lee, on the other hand, purchased a set of Extendable Ears. These could stretch to any length, and when thrown, they would latch onto the nearest person's ears. While it didn't hurt, retracting them would create a loud snapping sound, startling the target.
As the four friends left the shop, they carried large paper bags filled with their purchases from Zonko's.
Lee also bought a bag of Stink Pellets, which intrigued the other three, as Albert usually bought those.
This was almost a must-buy item whenever they visited Zonko's.
"No, I'm not interested in that kind of stuff," Albert replied irritably.
The Stink Pellets would make your hands dirty just by touching them, and when thrown, they would explode into disgusting mud and emit a foul rotten egg smell.
They were practically a biochemical weapon.
"Just make sure you don't stink up the dorm," Albert warned them seriously.
"Don't worry, we'll be careful. We're getting these to get back at Filch," George said, still bitter about being punished to scrub the night pots.
"That place is awesome, isn't it?" Fred asked with a smile.
"Yeah, it's fantastic and so much fun," Albert nodded in agreement, then added, "You guys seem to really enjoy these pranks. Maybe you could open a similar joke shop in the future."
He recalled that the twins did indeed open a joke shop after graduating, and it turned out to be quite successful.
"That's not a bad idea," the twins' eyes lit up. Unlike Albert, they had never really thought about what they wanted to do in the future.
"I think you'll need to learn more spells, and some of these involve alchemy too," Albert picked up a candy and examined it as he reminded them.
"What about you?"
"I haven't decided yet," Albert was still contemplating his future.
He had no intention of giving up on his plans to enter the New York financial industry. With the experience and task rewards he was accumulating, he could easily max out his skills in economics and finance by the time he graduated. That way, he could make money effortlessly, which suited him just fine! Come to think of it, prophecy might be a good option too. He could predict lottery numbers and win a million dollars or so.
Yes, a Time-Turner would also be useful for that.
Speaking of which, those methods might be even more profitable than finance.
Albert realized that using magic to make money legitimately could be a good idea, but the only problem was that he might get into trouble if the Ministry of Magic found out.
Prophecy might be safer since no one would know he was a seer.
As Albert pondered his future plans, the group walked into Honeyduke's Candy Shop. Despite the twins being cleaned out at Zonko's, they couldn't resist browsing the treats on offer, planning to return and buy some sweets next time they had money.
(End of Chapter)
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