Chapter 336: South Park Arc (Part 3)
Chapter 336: South Park Arc (Part 3)
Miami, Peruvian Pan Flute Band Containment Facility.
The quarantine zone was surrounded by barbed wire fences, with warning signs bearing the Department of Homeland Security logo embedded at regular intervals along the wire mesh.
Inside the camp, numerous blue and khaki-green military tents had been erected. A large group of Peruvian Pan Flute Band members milled about the area. They were mostly brown-skinned individuals, 80% speaking Spanish. Their clothing consisted of loose textile coats or short tunics, with wide-brimmed hats commonly worn. Their overall appearance resembled Mexican folk attire but with distinct differences.
Temporary orange watchtowers dotted the perimeter, each equipped with a soldier wielding a submachine gun ready to respond to emergencies.
Numerous brown open-top military trucks entered and exited the camp, unloading batches of pan flute band members under armed escort.
Amidst these detainees moved five white elementary school boys in fourth grade...
Four of them were the main characters of South Park: Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. To clarify, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were first names, while Cartman was a surname. His full name was Eric Cartman, but only his mother and a few school staff ever used "Eric" - everyone else avoided it since he was notoriously detestable.
A brief introduction to the group:
First, Stan. Compared to other characters in South Park, he was relatively normal. He had a girlfriend named Wendy they'd broken up and reconciled multiple times. In earlier seasons, he suffered from a peculiar illness where seeing a girl he liked would make him vomit - this had improved recently. His violent older sister Shelly wore braces and possessed terrifying combat power, capable of hurling pianos when enraged. Stan's father was Randy, South Park's infamous "King of Low Standards", and his uncle was Jimbo.
Next was Kyle, a Jewish boy notable for wearing a green hat. Kind and principled, he was computer-savvy. His father was a lawyer, while his overprotective mother was a ten-point anxiety case who could turn minor issues into apocalyptic crises. He also had an adopted Canadian preschooler brother named Ike.
Third was Kenny, recognizable by his orange parka with an attached hood that only exposed the center of his face. His speech was often muffled and indistinct. The character was notoriously poor, and in early episodes, he died in bizarre, Final Destination-style tragedies every single episode. Secretly, he was "Mysterion", a hero who frequently saved the world. However, his hedonistic side revealed extensive sexual knowledge beyond his years (one episode even had him dying from syphilis).
Finally came Cartman. His silhouette immediately set him apart from his three companions due to his obesity - a fact he always denied, claiming, "I'm not fat, just big-boned!"
Cartman was South Park's absolute worst human being. Malicious, greedy, cunning, and selectively ignorant, he harbored extreme racial prejudices. His self-centered worldview left him completely incapable of understanding guilt.
Though sometimes shockingly stupid, Cartman could also act like a genius. Well-informed and resourceful with excessive intelligence, he was aggressive and multilingual, often taking leadership roles during major events.
His many twisted beliefs included "Every Jew has a gold coin bag around their neck", "Humans can eat through their butt", and "Hippies must die." Strangely, his bizarre views frequently proved correct within the South Park universe.
The fifth child detained with them was Craig, one of the main four's classmates.
Craig wore blue clothing and spoke nasally. A frequent visitor to the principal's office, he was often seen waiting in the corridor outside. His signature catchphrase was, "Wouldn't it make me SO happy if I could say [insult] in front of [fictional lord]?"
Besides his sharp-tongued commentary, Craig's entire family shared an odd habit of flipping people off, likely explaining his frequent detentions.
Now... why had these five white children been brought to the facility?
Two reasons. First, they'd disguised themselves as Peruvian Pan Flute Band members to sell Cds, playing "London Bridge Is Falling Down" on street corners.
Second, the scenario's other characters had suffered another collective intelligence drop. Military personnel couldn't distinguish these white kids from actual Peruvians.
"Excuse me, officer?" Stan and his friends pushed through the crowd to approach a watchtower. "Officer, you've made a huge mistake - can we talk?"
Kyle added, "Could we have a quick word with you, please?"
The soldier in counter-terrorism gear glanced at them dismissively. "Back off! I'm not buying your garbage CD!"
"No, officer!" Stan insisted. "This is a massive misunderstanding. We're actually not Peruvians -"
The soldier shouted, cutting him off. "I said I won't buy your damn CD today!" He gestured wildly. "Do you understand English? I've had it!"
Suddenly, a real Peruvian Pan Flute Band member approached from the kids' side, asking the soldier in Spanish, "Buy a CD, officer?"
The next second, the soldier shot him dead.
The five children stared, mouths agape, at the corpse sprawled before them.
...
Meanwhile in the hospital, Feng Bu Jue's operation proceeded smoothly. Without asking anyone, he followed signage to locate the storage room.
While passing through a ward containing vegetative patients, he'd shamelessly swiped a large travel backpack to carry supplies.
"Bands, disinfectant, syringes..." After checking storage racks and cold storage units containing blood plasma bags (useless to him), he muttered, "Need to hit the pharmacy..."
Earlier, he'd noticed the pharmacy door guarded by a security officer reading a newspaper. The reinforced metal door clearly marked it as a high-security area storing morphine.
"Breaking through the door would be easy, but the corridor's too crowded", Feng Bu Jue mused. "Killing here wouldn't matter much, but if I alert South Park's lunatic police department..." His mind raced as he devised a plan.
He'd set a trap appropriate for this world's character intelligence levels, one that would clear the area perfectly.
(End of Chapter)
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