Chapter 261: Lupin's Thoughts
Chapter 261: Lupin's Thoughts
The Defense Against the Dark Arts professor's office.
The room was dim, with little light, and Remus Lupin sat quietly on the sofa. The Wolfsbane Potion continuously suppressed his body, like a terrible spiritual entity, gradually draining his strength.
The full moon hadn't arrived yet, but he was already exhausted.
"Boil, boil, toil and trouble..."
The kettle in the corner began to whistle, spewing large plumes of steam. Lupin dragged himself up; he tried to avoid using magic before and after the full moon. After a couple of minutes, he made himself a cup of tea.
He tossed the used tea bag into the trash can, and a wisp of white steam rose from the cup. Lupin's eyes gleamed in the dim light.
"Sirius Black..."
He had always been a reserved person, rarely showing his true emotions. But with the dual fatigue of body and mind, his mood inevitably sank into a prolonged low, and he found himself thinking of Sirius Black again.
The wanted poster didn't capture his true appearance, and Lupin often subconsciously imagined the young Sirius Black, which made his feelings even more complex and sorrowful.
"Should I tell Dumbledore about Sirius Black's Animagus form?"
This question had plagued him for a long time, but he couldn't muster the courage to admit to Dumbledore that he had betrayed his trust during his student days, leaving the Shrieking Shack and wandering around with three others...
Dumbledore's trust was extremely important to him. When he was a child, it was Dumbledore who visited his home, convincing his parents to allow him to attend Hogwarts. In the first couple of years, Dumbledore or Madam Pomfrey would accompany him during the transformation. As he grew older, he convinced Dumbledore to let him complete the full moon transformation independently.
The chains at the Shrieking Shack were very sturdy, which was one of the reasons he cited.
Dumbledore agreed with some conditions: Madam Pomfrey would take him to transform but wouldn't watch over him constantly, occasionally letting him go to the Shrieking Shack alone.
He carefully maintained the secret, although two perceptive friends discovered it in his second year. The number of people who knew about his werewolf condition expanded to six: Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, Professor Mcgonagall, James, Peter Pettigrew, and—Sirius Black.
Once, James had a sudden idea to become an Animagus, as werewolves were only dangerous to humans. James thought he could transform into an animal and keep him company. This idea was quickly embraced by Sirius Black, and for a while, their enthusiasm remained high.
At the time, he didn't take it too seriously and even 'willingly' provided some figures, explaining how advanced the Animagus transformation was and how many wizards had failed over the centuries, with only a handful of names filling two lines on a piece of paper.
"I love your dry humor, Remus", James had said then.
In fifth year, things changed. After returning from the holidays, during the first full moon, he locked himself in the Shrieking Shack as usual—he was very adept at it. But when the full moon passed and he gradually returned to his human form, he opened his eyes to see two large animals:
A large black dog and a stag, which transformed back into his familiar friends, James and Sirius Black. They grinned at him, "We spent the whole summer hiding it just to see your surprised face."
It was hard to describe his feelings at the time—excitement and sadness mingled. They had hurt themselves crossing the Whomping Willow to be with him, and he was a bit resentful, worried about what would happen if he injured them. But seeing their smiles, he once again relented.
Another two months passed, and with the help of James and Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew finally succeeded. Having their company, his temperament during the werewolf transformation became much calmer, and he was not always irrational. This might have been because both James and Sirius, as Animagi, could suppress the werewolf, and no one was there to provoke him into a frenzy.
They began their adventures. Running around at night, a werewolf and a few animals! Looking back, Lupin still finds it hard to understand his own reckless youth, but at the time, they took pride in it and laughed about it.
He couldn't help feeling guilty for breaking the safety rules set by Headmaster Dumbledore, even though his conscience troubled him for a long time, he never refused to plan the next adventure.
The tea in the office had gone cold.
Lupin deluded himself, thinking: I will tell Dumbledore everything at the right time, including my hypocrisy and cowardice. He told himself this, but then thought self-loathingly, "Right, you should have told Dumbledore long ago, when Sirius Black tried to break into the castle."
But he subconsciously postponed this decision again and again, naively believing that Sirius Black had been thwarted and would never return.
"Perhaps he learned dark magic from Voldemort... but Hogwarts has Dumbledore, he won't succeed."
Lupin's face twisted with self-disgust as he picked up the cup and poured the cold tea into his stomach.
He thought of Neville and Harry, whom he subconsciously cared for. His attitude toward Neville was more one of pity; his parents were once his comrades, and although they didn't interact much, the Longbottoms were always friendly people.
He could see Neville's timid nature at a glance and hoped the boy could overcome his fears, but Snape's harsh treatment seemed to have only increased the child's reprimands. He didn't know how many times his comfort had made a difference.
As for Harry, he felt more like a nephew... though he hid this feeling well.
Right, he needed to teach Harry the Patronus Charm. Lupin perked up a bit; he should find a Boggart. He was very familiar with these creatures, thanks to the bedtime stories he heard as a child—his father was an authority on non-human magical creatures, and knew all about mischievous ghosts, Boggarts, and other ghost-like beings.
Even his parents' marriage was due to a wild Boggart...
Lupin suddenly realized that Harry would likely ask about his parents. How much should he reveal? And Sirius Black—seemed the more he said, the more wrong it became.
"Knock, knock."
A low knock interrupted Lupin's thoughts. He opened the door to see Dumbledore standing outside.
"Dumbledore—what brings you here?" Lupin asked, surprised.
Dumbledore said gravely, "Bad news, Sirius Black attacked Harry and his friends while they were visiting Hagrid."
"What!" Lupin's eyes widened, and his head spun. "Harry—did they get hurt?"
"Almost, almost", Dumbledore said. "Harry's best friend is now in the hospital, and no one can guarantee when the next attack will happen."
Lupin leaned against the doorframe, feeling all his strength drain away. After a long moment, he said dejectedly, "I will tell you everything I know, Professor Dumbledore, including Black's secrets and my deception... I only hope you will listen to the whole story without leaving in anger."
"That is precisely why I came to see you, Remus", Dumbledore said calmly.
(End of Chapter)
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