Chapter 2

Every afternoon after school from that day on, I would wait for Chu Shian to leave school so that we might go together, but after that night, he reverted to his original appearance. Respectfully, he assisted me at the time, I was also lazy in comparison to him.

I started studying hard after entering ninth grade, putting my life in risk to surprise people. Even my parents confided in me on occasion, concerned that I was under excessive pressure and that I was overstimulated.

Chu Shian even raised his eyebrows excitedly and inquired if I had suddenly lost my way and knew how to return.

This is my secret,that I aspire to attend the same high school as Chu Shian.

Experiencing my risky efforts and Chu Shian's tutoring, I was able to enter the best high school despite the fact that time was limited.

I went to practice martial arts with him over the ninth grade summer vacation because, after being beaten in eighth grade, I was initially determined to study hard, but later on, I was still temporarily curious about learning martial arts.

This is all at Chu Shian, my family told him to look after me, but he frequently let me go anywhere, later even helped me skip school, everything was negotiable, so easy to talk to, it made me second guess,I suspected he wante to study well and then crushed me.

Chu Shian enrolled in the same class as me, in the last class, at the commencement of the school year, which surprised me.

This wasn't proper; he was talented, and he belonged to the top class. This thought occurred so sudden that I didn't have sufficient time to consider why I was so agitated and disagree.

But Chu Shian refused to listen; conversely, he grinned and gently pressed my head, saying that this way he could continue to look after me.

Chu Shian's former classmates all said he seemed to dislike laughing,but I didn't think that was true. I got the impression that he preferred to laugh a lot, especially at the expense of bullies.

Chu Shian grew increasingly dazzling in any and every way throughout high school. There was a girl who liked him since middle school; it was a little mysterious at first, but it's much more conspicuous now.

When I saw someone confessing to him again, I gradually realized that I liked Chu Shian. Not desire, not envy, but jealousy, love, as well as unwillingness.

Chu Shian had always appealed to me, long before I realized it.

When I got used to his mere existence, when I was beaten for preventing the book he gave me from tearing, when I saw him in pain then broke down in tears, when I liked to stare at him in ecstasy...

I didn't sleep the entire night, my mind was a jumble, but it wasn't just surprise and more surprise.

Perhaps I have struggled to conclude for a long time, but it appeared that Su An's liking for Chu Shian is not a coincidence but a natural occurrence.

I accepted this result peacefully, even finding glee in the misery, thinking that, thankfully, this was a one-sided love with no outcome, just my own business.

The treason I committed in the past few decades of my normal life must have liked Chu Shian, though I never wanted to give up and never thought it would work.

Sometimes I would think endlessly, as if to torture myself, about how Chu Shian would like people later, how they would love each other, started a family, had children, and afterwards were happy for the remainder of their lives.

And I, the brother he adored most, stayed in the safest corner to observe him. That was good, I told myself over and over again constantly.

Chu Shian transferred to first class without warning in the eleventh grade.

Was he intending to avoid me? That is, my hands and feet became cold. Probably he discovered my mind, seeing as my technique was too poor, and he discovered it. He found it unbelievable, challenging to accept, and even disgusting, so he avoided me.

I couldn't meet Chu Shian when he wanted to avoid me, despite the fact that we used to be like shape and shadow.

Every week, as soon as the flag-raising ceremony got underway, I would then look at the row of his class; there were times when I acknowledged his face slightly tilted, but he would not look back, not once.

Only now did I see Chu Shian in the eyes of others, cold and indifferent, thousands of miles away from people who never fibbed.

I had the worst academic record; while I was thinking about it, I dropped to the bottom.

When the midterm exam results were announced, I was at the top but countdown, besides, Chu Shian remained firmly on the yellow board* and topped the list.

When the midterm exam results were announced, I was at the top but countdown, besides, Chu shian remained firmly on the yellow board* and topped the list.

*Yellow board : A board with the names of all the outstanding students of the school.

I looked at the exam pitifully and laughed out loud; Chu Shian was still the same Chu Shian; no one had the ability to affect him. But I had no reason or stance to feel sorry for, as I previously stated,that was all my fault that i liked him first.

My parents stood there looking at my scoreboard in silence for a long time before they took turns to communicate with me, but instead I sat on the sofa with my head bowed and didn't say any of it.

I also couldn't tell them that their child had a crush on Chu Shian and felt lovelorn, which is the main reason why his new grades suck... My father might break my leg in rage, my mother would cry all day, no one in the house would be serene, and the atmosphere would be super suffocating.Seeing that i was always silent,my father frowned and took a deep breath, helplessly waving his hand to tell me to head to my room.

I sat dumbfounded in front of the study table, sometimes I imagined my parents' tired faces, sometimes Chu Shian's somber, delicate, chilly face. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't even hear the door open.

When Chu Shian sat next to me with a book, I thought I was dreaming;like an idiot, peering at the person in front of. He wasn't quite the same as before, making people feel threatened, his eyes soothe and deep, like an unfathomably deep lagoon. He just stared at me, saying nothing.

I couldn't stand looking at one another for a minute, so I looked away and pretended to be cool and collected: "You're here again?"

"Your parents requested me to come here and advise you."

His calm tone and expression made me angry and resentful right away; he knew, he knew precisely.

Yes, I had no intention of allowing him to reciprocate, nor had I ever envisioned a response. But he could despise me, neglecting me as a bystander through a layer of paper windows? Watching me fall in, looking at me in pain, looking at me blankly, like a clown performing on its own.

I longed to scream, but when I opened my mouth, I realized that I couldn't even make a sound.

"Su An."

He rarely called me by my full name, which makes me uneasy.

Chu Shian, indeed, placed the textbook in his hand on the table and pushed it directly in front of me, his eyes filled with emotions I couldn't understand, deeply restrained.

He smiled at me, and the words came out like a knife straight into my chest, just like before.

"There's a picture inside, of someone I like."

It was a ninth grade textbook, so he had a crush so young, and I had no idea. I lost my ability to think for a moment, only holding that book mechanically.

I even heard the sound of flesh tearing apart as soon as I opened it.

However, that person pressed every step: "After watching, we will talk again."

Actually, he didn't have to do that; essentially rejecting me would not have been as painful, if he hated me that much.

Chu Shian stretched the corner of his mouth in tension as I took out the photo, very strange, it was clear that the person about to be sentenced to death was me, but he was like a person who was told to wait for death.

The photo originated from the ninth grade graduation, and it was very well kept; the owner must have caressed it regularly, as the four corners were ruffled. I could see my breathing choking in the blink of an eye, and the photo fell to the ground.

I am the person mentioned above.

I'm not really sure when he got it.

I bent down subconsciously to pick up the photo and put it on the textbook in my hand; my hand was also shaking, and my entire body was stiff as a log.

In a flash, the faces of my parents and Chu Shian's parents popped up in my head, my body filled with joy and moreover fear and confusion.

My face was bloodless, and my only thought was to flee first; now I had no method for confronting him.

When I was about to get up and go out,Chu Shian moved, one of his hands on my bicep, his strength wasn't great, but I couldn't stand up, I panicked and elevated my head to face him, his eyes were pitch-black,conveying a very deep sense of oppression, like a thick net that trapped me inside and couldn't escape.

He dropped his voice and addressed me as "An An..."

My breathing became swift, instinctively interrupting his words, "I... Chu Shian... no... your parents, my mother..." I said words in a muddled and chaotic pattern.

But Chu Shian forced my shoulder down, as if he realized what I was planning to say; he didn't let me run away, and he didn't let me back down at all.

"I do like you," he said, his eyes strangely serious.

Everything was quiet.

My heart stopped in the briefest of moments and immediately started to pound.

He was expressing his love for me.

I was stunned on the spot, enthused, hard to believe, and disoriented with anxiety, when I heard him repeat,

"I liked you a long time ago, An An."

"Can't you feel that at all?"

I suddenly remembered being too lazy to practice martial arts during the summer break when I was in ninth grade. When I finished training, I squatted outside the gate, waiting for Chu Shian to emerge, when I heard the coach complaining, and the coach showed up to be very frustrated.

"You've always covered for Su An's laziness; what if Su An becomes weak and fails to fight back?"

How did he answer,Su Zhi An responded decisively at the time, saying, "I will protect him."

"He's a boy, can you protect him for the rest of his life?" exclaimed the trainer.

Chu Shian was silent for a short time before saying, "I can."

That I was always too slow to fathom and detect almost everything.

I felt like I was divided into two people, half of whom were having a blast and the latter was in distress.

Regarding my feelings for Chu Shian, I considered several options, all of which were basically the same: I could easily hide it for the rest of my life, no matter what my identity, a little brother, a close family member was also good, as long as I could be near him, I would always discreetly bless him. Then, when I ended my life hauling this secret with me, I never assumed another option.

It would be morally repugnant.

It would be the major crisis of two families.

"An An, I'm not forcing you, I merely wanted to let you know," Chu Shian's finger fondled the edge of my eye, interrupting my thoughts.

I didn't say anything because I understood him like he understood me; he said he didn't force me, but by hiding me, he was forcing me to take a choice.

I was confused and having a meltdown again because I was afraid he would eschew me, but I can't help but want to get close to him, ultimately tearing down all the barriers and making a decision.

Turns out he knew I liked him so much that even after knowing everything and couldn't choose, I would act as if I didn't know anything.

Chu Shian also stopped talking when I was passive, giving me enough time to think, like a patient hunter waiting for his prey to volunteer to come forward.

I still didn't know how to deal with the unknown consequences, nor did I know how to let go of Chu Shian, who also received the same feeling as me. Admittedly, I was only seventeen this year, with all the innocence and weakness that comes with youth, as well as the candor and enthusiasm.

The faces of the parents on both sides were intermingled with protective care, and Chu Shian alternated in front of me like *"riding a horse to see flowers."

*riding a horse to see flowers : to remind us not to decide to do something riskly

I'm not sure how long it took, but I sighed and said gently to the person ahead of me, "You won."

If there was a god, please forgive my greed for wanting Chu Shian.

I compromised, willingly lose because of him, stepped into the trap known as love.

Chu Shian's tense body relaxed mildly, he smiled, and his beautiful eyes shone brightly, almost compelled me to look at him without knowing anything

Seeing that the corners of his lips curled more, I watched this person little by little approach me, sooner or later pressing his forehead against mine intimately.

I nervously grabbed the armrest, my whole body was stiff on the chair, my cheeks and ears were all steaming hot, he suddenly laughed out loud, then stepped back slightly, staring into my eyes: "An An, you've got me."

I sluggishly extended my hand, probing step by step until I hugged him.

Holding him like that night of tears, his chest is still thin and weak which only could be seen in a teenager, however made me feel like I have the whole world.

Chu Shian has taken on a new meaning for me since today.

Boyfriend.

Is a one-of-a-kind existence, and it sounds very special.

Chu Shian is my Chu Shian from now on.

Just imagining it made me want to chuckle.

Chapter end