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BornAndTorn 10 Basic instinct 2
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BornAndTorn 10 Basic instinct 2

"What do you want to be when you grow up? A sweet childish voice could be heard saying in the distance.

" I am still young, why do I have to think about stuff, that will only result in headaches?" The person who answered was a boy about 12 years old, who just had his voice break.

" But you are twice my age and you won't get paid just for your looks looking like you do."

" I am not that worried, if the proverb is true, I will end up looking like my father, I could imagine worse."

" You will end up looking like that old bald fogey? Don't worry I will look like Mommy, marry a beautiful and very rich prince, if you behave nicely and buy me some ice-cream, I will, maybe just maybe think about you."

" Well then "my princess" it would be an honor for me visiting the noble ice-cream establishment with your highness. He grabbed her little hand and walked with her to the nearest truck selling ice-cream.

What a nice memory. When times were simpler and I was not the root of every evil, every mischief that happened to everyone who was in my life. Looking back, an outsider would call my life a godsend gift. Born in a rich family, in a country safe from war, gifted with the best education possible.

But what did I amount to in the end? Were the lessons on etiquette really necessary, considering I ended up, just working odd jobs and whatever I could get my hands on? Was learning moral conduct necessary, when I ended up just swallowing everything told to me either.

I was called an intelligent child and I would consider myself as such as well. Was it because I taught myself how to read, or because I started to teach myself math as well, before being interrupted by my parents to not learn something wrong?. Many children do that, that is not a trait that classifies you as a genius or an intelligent person.

What made me special, was that I could interpret how people feel and react accordingly to help them or hurt them more by using the right combination of voice and body language to get the points across.

And what is that emotional intelligence worth in the end? Craving for the attention my parents gave me I tried to do everything as perfect as I can and if I could not do something really well, I acted like I could not do that to save my life. I preferred to disappoint them once just not over and over again until I could do it perfectly.

It all changed when I met that one boy, he was just not playing my game. His reactions were outside of my expectations he just mocked me here and there and once stood in my way not letting me pass that's it. So how did I react back there? I cried, was angry at myself not him. I hated myself for not achieving what I wanted. Plagued by insecurities, I always preferred to rather get hurt and punish myself than hurting others unless I was cornered then I lashed out and hurt everything just so I could end it and calm down and focus again. The most ironic part is that this person ended up as one of my best friends.


In scientific terms, it might be a result of me being hypersensitive to feelings and noises. But after this situation, I just closed the world off, shutting off my brain, so I could just live in peace without hurting myself anymore. I did not hear any concern from my parents nor my sister. Having cut off part of my feelings, it felt great, but I just did not have the drive anymore, I once had. Fleeing into online games, I spent my team searching for recognition from other people. This ended up ruining any reputation, I once had and I just became a sloth in everyone's eyes. No matter where I looked I just saw disdain. But I still wanted to spend my life in leisure, trapped in that little bubble I created just for myself.

"Why are you still here, did you take us into your eyes at all? screaming at my face was the once little princess who grew up and became a ferocious tiger.

" I just wanted to finish the academy, then I am out of your life, is that too much to ask for?"

" TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? A disgusting, filthy excuse of a human dares to talk to me about that? You are not worth a cent of the fortune daddy spends on you every single month. Do you have any way to repay him? Did you hear what the other people say behind his back?. They say, his wife has to have screwed someone else, his "real" son would not be that worthless.

When mommy looks at you, she does not see her son, she just sees a failure, a waste of time. She keeps regretting sacrificing her beautiful appearance just for a result like you. You are reminding her of every little wrong that happened to her because you were the cause for it. The stress that raising you brought to her affected her beauty and health. She got addicted to alcohol to numb the pain, that your whole existence causes her and even to me you are not of any use anymore I already got what I wanted. You are out of the picture, you won't get any cent out of daddy's fortune if he dies. Every little money you still get is just the obligation he feels towards you. But you are just a leech, sucking till your host dies. So just do us a favour, just disappear. I never want to see your face again."

Looking back I did many things wrong, but everybody else just considered themselves first and I don't blame them, after all, I was the easiest target. I did not defend myself I just took it. Even my latest so-called girlfriend was someone, who was seeking shelter from homelessness in the winter. I offered her my couch, for the time being not expecting anything in return. I was just happy with having another human being in my life, a voice to talk to. This was the happiest time of my life. We talked about everything that we wanted. I began to open up, showing a bit of my vulnerability. But shortly afterward, she just left me with brownies and a little note saying "Thank You".

She got a job somewhere else, changed her number and lived a happy life somewhere without me. And there I was again succumbing to my old lifestyle, I just ended isolating myself from the world again as much as I can.

No matter how you look it, people preferring themselves first or what's important to them, is just the same as me the reacting the way I did. For every person involved it just was their very own basic instinct.

Chapter end

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Catalogue
152 The useless scale 2
151 The useless scale 1
150 Never Forge
149 Company 3
148 Company 2
147 Company 1
146 Giving face 2
145 Giving face 1
144 How to provoke your enemies 101
143 Reality
142 The end of a dream 4
141 The end of a dream 3
140 The end of a dream 2
139 The end of a dream 1
138 Not a single lie
137 No restrictions
136 Schemes and Schemers and one really annoying NPC
135 Absolute truth 2
134 Absolute truth 1
133 The interview 3
132 The interview 2
131 The interview 1
130 The wheatstone 3
129 The wheatstone 2
128 The wheatstone 1
127 Finding Moirai 3
126 Finding Moirai 2
125 Finding Moirai 1
124 Ambition?
Chapter 123
Chapter 122
Chapter 121
Chapter 120
Chapter 119
Chapter 118
Chapter 117
Chapter 116
Chapter 115
Chapter 114
113 The true winners
112 Friendship blossoms by punches to the head 2
111 Friendship blossoms by punches to the head 1
110 A fistfight in a world of magic
109 The last supper
108 Who you are 2
107 Who you are 1
106 You call yourself villains?
105 The meat puppe
104 Scavenger
103 Weapons
102 Freedom or Death
101 The value of money
100 100 ways to die
99 I will make a man out of you.
98 A deadly test 2
97 A deadly test 1
96 Becoming a real NPC 2
95 Becoming a real NPC 1
94 Unwanted attention
93 The scapegoat 2
92 The scapegoat 1
91 Orders have to be followed
90 Tactical Warfare
89 He who sleeps still sins.
88 Baptized by fire 2
87 Baptized by fire 1
86 Bad blood
85 Living nightmare
84 Bony growth
83 A "good" idea 3
82 A "good" idea 2
81 A "good" idea 1
80 Behind the smile
79 The true monsters arrive
78 A brand new world 2
77 A brand new world 1
76 The Churches ambition
75 Patch Notes for Version 0.2
74 Explosion
73 Expansion 2
72 Expansion 1
71 A bloody newbie
70 When past becomes present 3
69 When past becomes present 2
68 When past becomes present 1
67 The pact 2
66 The pact 1
65 Ripple effects 3
64 Ripple effects 2
63 Ripple effects 1 .
62 The official end of "For Gods favour"
61 An "exchange"
60 A good villain
59 Laura's anatomy
58 Jack of all trades, master of none 4
57 Jack of all trades, master of none 3
56 Jack of all trades, master of none 2
55 Jack of all trades, master of none 1
54 But should no
53 Men can dream
52 A disciple?
51 Rude awakening
50 Eyes of disgust.
49 Up the ante
48 Reap the whirlwind
47 Sow the wind
46 A better choice
45 Mayhem? Beneath us!
44 Message
43 Who is he?
42 Mysteries and Theories.
41 What lies beyond?
40 Digging a hole 2
39 Digging a hole 1
38 DIY 3
37 DIY 2
36 DIY 1
35 Of Ice and Men
34 Rocks vs Magic
33 Hitting with rock bottom
32 Ants Adventure 3
31 Ants Adventure 2
30 Ants Adventure 1
29 Lessons learned the hard way.
28 Footloose
27 Make Pawlow proud.
26 Down the rabbit hole
25 The wrong path
24 That thing
23 The cocoon 2
22 The cocoon 1
21 Chaos ensues 5
20 Chaos ensues 4
19 Chaos ensues 3
18 Chaos ensues 2
17 Chaos ensues 1
Chapter 16
15 Necessary research.
14 What you wanted to know and what should not be known 2
13 What you wanted to know and what should not be known 1
12 Metamorphosis
11 My name
10 Basic instinct 2
Chapter 9
8 Even more bugs and a queen
7 More bugs
6 A bug
5 Dehuminized
4 A cruel Fate 3
3 A cruel fate 2
2 A cruel fate 1
1 Prologue The observer
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