Beyond the Noisy World: The Long Lost Eight Sects Chapter 4: No Man is Good (2)

Ding Qi, “The problem we need to address is not about your mother but you. Now there seems to be two main things bothering you. One is your mother’s nagging and doubts about your sexual orientation which she believes is the reason why you don’t want to get married. The second is your assumption that no man is good. By my observation, you’re suggesting that a relationship with a man will hurt you. Is this right?” 

When speaking, Ding Qi couldn’t help but think of Liu Guonan’s mother. At the beginning, he had spent a lot of effort in convincing her that a psychological consulting was nothing like a community match-making agency.

Liu Guonan replied, “By your summary, it seems to be right, but the second problem is about me. It has nothing to do with others!”

Ding Qi, “As for the first problem, the goal of psychological consultation is to help you adjust recognition and behaviors so as to adapt the way how you get along with your mother and eliminate conflict in values from causing any bother. Therefore, it is still about you. In respect to the second problem, since you believe no man is good, then what about your father? Is he not good either?”

When he was saying all this, Ding Qi tried to make him sound as gentle as possible and at the same time monitored Liu Guonan’s reaction. She responded in no time, “My father is good. He is a good man.”

Ding Qi, “…but this isn’t in line with what you said. He is also a man, one of whom you believe are not good.”

Liu Guonan, “I don’t view him as a man. A father is a father. He can’t be my man. From my perspective, a man is…” She suddenly paused here.

Ding Qi felt that he would capture the key in no time, so he replied immediately, “I try to sum up for you. For you, a man who is physically male is not necessarily a man. It has to be someone who may have sexual relations with you. In your context, what you mean by ‘man’ is that, right?”

Liu Guonan nodded, “Yes! For those with zero percentage of having sexual relations with me, I don’t care if they’re man or woman.”

Ding Qi once again stressed, “The relationship your referred to is sexual relation, so you mean two types of guy, one attracted to you and the other attracting you, are not good. Other people, however, even though male in gender, are not within the range of your evaluation, right?”

Liu Guonan answered after some thoughts, “It seems so, but if all men are bad, how I can be attracted to them?” The process of psychological consulting could be reversed and repeated, something ordinary people would feel “stupid”, but those with mental issues didn’t see it this way. They thought the reversion and repetition was serious and significant.

Ding Qi finally spread a smile, “The so-called attraction is not necessarily like or dislike, but a kind of emotional input. When you’re interested in a person, you will consciously or unconsciously devote strong emotion in it. For example, if you’re convinced that all men are bad, then you will be focused on and devote your emotion into this belief.”

Liu Guonan, “That seems to be the case. Take you for example. At first, I wasn’t focused on whether you were a man or not.”

Ding Qi, “The first time you came here, I suggested that if you felt man are disgusting, I could transfer you to a female consultant. You said it was not necessary. I can see the reason now.”

Liu Guonan, “In fact, even if I think you’re bad, I won’t replace you with a female consultant… Usually, a man thinks I’m tricky while a woman thinks I’m insane.”

Ding Qi corrected her timely, “These are just opinions from just a few of whom you know. Don’t magnify these personal opinions to those of everyone. We don’t think in that way.”

Liu Guonan said, “Dr. Ding, I told you that I didn’t want to come here but I do so because my mother made me to. In fact, this is not true. I said that because I hate my mother keeping nagging and because I unconsciously want to do things against her wills. I’ve wanted to see a therapist though I didn’t know whether it would be useful or not.”

Ding Qi said sincerely, “Yes, I noticed that too. You came to see a so-called therapist partly in an attempt to prove that you aren’t sick and partly because you have contradictory feelings and expectation. You’ve held this view since you were in university and your mother has been nagging, but it didn’t bother your life or work so much. How come you are trying to find a solution now? I’m afraid age is only one of the reasons.”  

Liu Guonan’s shoulders were finally put down relaxed. She said with worry, “Actually my mother has kept nagging for many years. Though I find it annoying but not so unbearable since she is my mother to whom I should be patient. However, recently I find the nagging extremely unacceptable to the extent that sometimes my heart rate speeds up, I couldn’t fall asleep at night, and when in a crowd and they take several glances at me, I would feel they are discussing me in my back. Yes, Dr. Ding, it’s affecting my life…”

Ding Qi’s look turned grave. The counselee was indeed “tricky to handle” in that she kept a long psychological distance from others and highly defensive in her subconsciousness. Only until just did she ever reveal her real situation, which had never been suggested in the previous two consultations. He asked seriously, “You said you would feel others are discussing you in the back when people in a crowd look at you. You really think they’re bad-mouthing about you?”

Liu Guonan bowed her head and answered, “I know they might not be talking about me; I just think too much, but I can’t help feeling that way.” She talked, subconsciously reaching out to touch her sapphire necklace around her chest.

Ding Qi was relieved a bit, leaning forward, and said, “If you’re aware of it, the problem is not too serious, but you have to adjust yourself before the situation further worsens and causes greater issues. Now try to recall when the situation first started?... One more question. You were in different clothing for the three consultation but kept wearing the same necklace. Is there anything special about it?”

Raising two questions in a row, especially when the latter one was obviously off-topic, was a taboo in the consultation process, but Ding Qi believed, based on his sharp observation, the necklace had been factoring in the problem.

Liu Guonan turned shocked at once, “Dr. Ding, you are amazing! I remembered. Ever since I bought this necklace, everything went wrong.

At the time, I was shopping with the three girlfriends who were also my classmates in university. I saw this necklace in a shop. We all tried, and I was the last one to try. We all like it very much but they didn’t buy because of the price. The salesperson said I looked beautiful in it, so I bought it.

Later on, I went to work wearing the necklace and found that some of many colleagues always looked at me. The same happened when I was in a crowd. I felt a little panic…”

Ding Qi, “But why you keep wearing it?”

Liu Guonan paused for a while, “Why not? It cost me more than 8,000. Why should I care others’ discussion?”

Ding Qi smiled and said, “But you feel uncomfortable in it. It is exactly this unsettledness that makes you unwilling to take it off, isn’t it?”

This was a very contradictory mentality, but it did happen to humans. Liu Guonan replied with some hesitation, “Yes.” She looked at a loss.

Ding Qi thought about it and suddenly asked another question, “Liu Guonan, do you think you are beautiful? Do you think you’re more attractive to males compared with other women? If you trust me, be candid in answering this question. It’s indeed personal and I as a consultant will always keep it to myself.”

In this third round of consultation, Ding Qi finally made a breakthrough and managed to help Liu Guonan open her inner world. The seemingly abrupt question was a key. Liu Guonan, looking grieved and at a loss, began to pour out all her feelings and under Ding Qi’s constant guidance, they finally found the root of the problem.

In Ding Qi’s “Mind Book”, information about Liu Guonan was becoming complete and clear.

Chapter end