Be My Strength
/ Be My Strength 422 Another man who was broken by love
Kai Xin smiled as she watched DX making faces at Little Monkey. She then took a good long look at him. DX's appearance had changed since the last time she saw him and it had startled her slightly. To her, the time had barely passed… But to him… The effects of her coma on him for the last three months were evident. His handsome, blemished free face now had a couple of crow's feet at the corner of his eyes, as well as deeper frown lines on his forehead. His hair had lost the beautiful shine that it had, and he was sporting some white hair as well.
Without knowing it, she leaned toward him and kissed him on the cheek. Surprised by her sudden initiative, DX smiled and looked at her as he asked, "What's that for?"
Kai Xin shrugged, "Nothing… Just that… I love you…"
He smiled and leaned to kiss her back. The only difference was that when he kissed her, it was on the lips. Placing a hand on her sunken cheek, he gently rubbed her cheek as he said, "I love you too...You've suffered much… I've to fatten you up as soon as possible…"
She smiled, "Look at yourself. I've to fatten you up as well…"
As she held his hand, she asked sadly, "Why didn't you take good care of yourself?"
DX shrugged, "I did… I just got too busy taking care of a lazy pig who won't wake up…"
Before she could retort, he kissed her on the lips again. He lingered there for a few seconds before murmuring, "I miss you so much… Don't ever scare me like that again…"
"Mhmm…"
At this moment, Little Monkey suddenly burst out in tears and DX immediately turned to her to comfort her.
Kai Xin watched as DX held the little bunny up for Little Monkey to play with and she joked, "Looks like I have a strong contender for your affection now…"
DX smiled and he took her hand. Kissing the back of her hand, he said, "You're always the number 1 in my heart…"
Kai Xin sighed contently as she watched DX continued to play with Little Monkey.
After Little Monkey fell asleep, DX turned to Kai Xin. He had kept something from her and he did not know whether he should let her know.
In the end, he decided she had the right to know. With an awkward expression, he hesitated for a moment before he said, "Your dad came for a visit…"
Kai Xin's eyes widened slightly but she did not let her emotions show. She did not expect him to come and visit. She thought that at most, he would be sending Kai An on his behalf.
Too afraid to put hope on it, she asked nonchalantly, "Did he say anything?"
"He wanted to talk to you privately…" said DX. He took out his phone and plugged in the earphones before handing it to Kai Xin.
Right after Mr. Zhen received news from his son about Kai Xin's condition, he went to the hospital immediately. When DX saw him, he had wanted to stop the older man from going in. In fact, when Mr. Zhen insisted to go in, DX had nearly punched the man. He did not want Kai Xin to be disturbed by the man who had abandoned her.
However, Kai An had pleaded for his father. Even An Qi Yan pleaded for her ex-husband as well… In the end, DX relented, but not before he planted a recording device in the room.
If Mr. Zhen dared to say anything inappropriate, even if he was Kai Xin's father, DX vowed that he would make his life miserable.
As Kai Xin looked at the phone and earphones with a confused expression, DX explained, "I was worried that he might say something mean to you when I'm not there, so I recorded the conversation… I think… I think you'd like to know what he had to say…"
Kai Xin stared at the items on her hands. With hands that trembled slightly, she placed the earphones into her ears.
....
On that day when Mr. Zhen came for a visit, there was an uproar outside Kai Xin's ward as DX shouted at him to leave immediately. DX's action had shocked everyone as they had never seen him in such a state before.
However, everyone understood where he was coming from. His beloved wife nearly died and there was a possibility that she might not wake up for a long time. Even his newborn daughter was still in the danger zone. With everything that he had to deal with, no one blamed him.
After Kai An and An Qi Yan pleaded for Mr. Zhen, DX relented. To give them some privacy, Jack, who was awake, asked his nurse to push him out of the room.
As Mr. Zhen stood inside the room with Kai Xin, he was scared to see his strong daughter lying on the bed, motionless. To him, Kai Xin had always been a strong child and to see her in such a state scared him.
He slowly made his way to Kai Xin. As he sat down on the chair that was right next to her bed, tears welled up in his eyes.
He knew that he had disappointed Kai Xin numerous times, and after he found out what had happened to his daughter before, he had been blaming himself for not being there for her. Since then, he had always wanted to see her and apologize to her but he was too ashamed of himself.
Wiping his tears away, he took a deep breath. As he held her hand, he started to speak.
"Kai Xin… How did you end up in this state? Why didn't you take better care of yourself?"
After a while, he chuckled sadly, "No… It's my fault… I should have been there to take care of you…"
He gently pushed a stray hair away from Kai Xin's forehead before saying, "You might not believe me… But you're always my favorite child… I know that you resent me for not being there for you… I blame myself too… I love your mother so much that when she did not reciprocate, I ended up taking it out on you… You look so much like her that I can't bear to look at you… It's not your fault… I just… I'm just a weak man…"
He told her everything that he wanted to tell her.
"I didn't miss your birth on purpose… You are not supposed to arrive for another 3 weeks… That's why I was away with An Xin's mother. When I finally received the message, I came as soon as possible…"
He smiled as tears continued to fall and he said, "When I first saw you, I fell in love with you… You're so small but so feisty... But at the same time, I was afraid… I was afraid that you might leave me like your mother… I love her so much… I did everything for her but she never loves me in the same way. I was afraid that one day, you'd be the same… That despite everything I did for you, you'd leave me one day… Hence, I turned away from you… and I kept turning away from you..."
With his head low, he cried softly, "I'm just a coward… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
Tears were flowing like a waterfall as he finally talked to his daughter heart-to-heart. He knew that he was still a coward…
That night, a long time ago, he had an argument with An Qi Yan. He was feeling resentful toward her lingering feelings for Sima Erden. Whenever she was having a nightmare, he would wake up to comfort her, but the name that she would always call for was Sima Erden.
Finally unable to take it any longer, one night, Mr. Zhen left his house and went for a drink with an old friend of his. He got a little tipsy and coupled with his unstable emotion, in the end, he made the mistake that he could never undo.
Every time he saw his daughter, he was reminded of the mistake he made and he kept looking away from her. He did not want to touch her or had anything to do with her. To Mr. Zhen, he was afraid that if he touched her, he would dirty her with his guilty hands.
So, as a toddler, whenever she reached out for a hug, he would walk away from her. Yet when she stopped smiling at him, he lashed out at her and made her cry.
The guilt of his own betrayal was eating him inside and he slowly turned against his own wife. He did not want to admit that it was his fault, and he blamed her for pushing him away. When that woman got pregnant, Mr. Zhen knew that he could no longer blame anyone.
He had to take up the responsibility and he tried to give An Xin the love that he wanted to give Kai Xin. Whatever An Xin wanted, he would give it to her.
Since he was too afraid to face An Qi Yan and Kai Xin, as time slowly passed by, he spent most of the time with An Xin and her mother.
When he nearly caused Kai Xin's death when she was a kid, he knew that enough was enough. Despite his reluctance, he agreed to the divorce that An Qi Yan wanted. In his own mind, he thought that it would be the best if Kai Xin was somewhere far from him. He did not want her to grow up traumatized because she had a coward for a father.
"Please wake up… Dad loves you more than anything in this world… " cried Mr. Zhen as he held his daughter's hand tightly. 28 years… It took him almost 28 years to tell her how he felt. 28 years for him to hold her hand.
As he held her hand in his bigger, callous, wrinkled hands, he only realized now how small Kai Xin's hands were, and all the years that he could have had with her yet he missed out on caused him to break down further.
He was afraid that it might be too late now. Kai An had told him that Kai Xin had two cardiac arrests. Mr. Zhen was old enough to know that cardiac arrest was a serious matter and some people had died from it.
As he cried, he begged for God to take his life away instead. He did not want it to end just like this. He wanted a better future for his daughter... A happy future with someone that she loved, surrounded by people who loved her...
....
Kai Xin gulped as she listened to the recording. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat as she tried to control her emotion. Little Monkey had just fallen asleep and she did not want to wake the girl up with her crying.
After a while, she tore the earphones out from her ear and handed everything back to DX. Without saying anything else, DX merely sighed as he placed a hand around her shoulders and let her lean against him.
"He's an idiot…" murmured Kai Xin. She tried to hold her tears in but it was hard. Burying her face in DX's shirt, she cried softly while DX patted her on the back to comfort her.
"Mmhmm…" DX did not say anything. There was nothing he could say at this moment. Deep down, even though she had never said anything about it, he knew that his wife was always curious about why his father did what he did to her.
Why was Mr. Zhen kind to his other children but mean to her... She finally got her answer and it was not what she wanted. She wanted to lash out at her father, but after hearing what he said, how could she do it to him now...
Her father was just another man who was broken by love.
Chapter end
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