Be My Strength 328 I failed to protect her

...
Kai An went to the indoor swimming pool. He took off his shirt and immediately jumped into the pool. He knew that he had said some harsh words earlier but he was unable to hold it back. The anger that was growing within him overwhelmed him and he needed to cool down before he was ready to face his sister again.

"R*ped...Gang...r*ped…" thought Kai An as he swam furiously. He knew that it was not her fault but he could not help but resent her a little. He was angry. He was angry because even though he had been protecting his younger sister all his life, she had never trusted him enough to tell him about what had happened.

He did not know how long he was in the water but his arms were starting to ache. However, he welcomed the pain. It was better than the one he was feeling in his heart at the moment.

"Argh!" Kai An cried out suddenly. He had a leg cramp and he tried to swim to the side but he was too far from the sides.

'SPLASH'

Someone jumped into the pool and before he knew it, he was being dragged to the side of the pool. The person pulled him up and out of the pool before saying in a ragged breath, "I thought...I'm the only idiot in this house... but it looks like I'm wrong…"

Kai An coughed out the chlorine water that he accidentally swallowed when he was about to drown earlier before growling, "Go away, Callum…"

As he patted Kai An on the back to help him breath better, Callum sighed, "Seriously...You asked why your sister didn't tell you...Even I could tell the reason why she chose not to tell you…"

When he heard Callum's remark, Kai An pushed Callum away angrily before shouting at him, "What do you even know? You don't have a sister!"

Callum pushed him back as he pointed out, "Exactly! Which is why I can see from yours and her point of views…Look at yourself! You're like... 30 years old and you still lashed out like that. If she had told you when you were a hot-blooded 17 years old teenager, would you be able to control yourself? You'd have gone after those three without thinking properly!"

"I don't need her to protect me! So what if I go after them?! It's my right!" yelled Kai An.

Instead of being careful with his words, Callum pointed out where it hurt the most.

"She's your sister! As much as you want to protect her, she wants to protect you as well! Why can't you think properly! What could you do? You can't do anything to them now and you can't do anything to them back then!"

Knowing that Callum was right, Kai An yelled. He was frustrated by his lack of ability. It felt as if no matter what, there was nothing he could do for her.

"ARGH!"

The pain was eating him from inside and not knowing how to deal with it, he punched the wall a couple of times until his knuckles turned into a bloody mess.

Callum did not stop him. It was a man's thing to do and he knew that Kai An needed to release the pent up anger within him before he burst and did something stupider.

When he finally stopped and looked at his bloodied hands, Kai An cursed, "Those bastards! I want to kill them! She was just a child!"

"You are not the only one who wants to kill them...My brother...and I...All of us have a score to settle with them," said Callum as he clenched his fists tightly.

Kai An grabbed Callum's shirt and yelled in his face, "Hit me!"

"No!"

"HIT ME!"

Callum knew that Kai An was not thinking straight and he threw him back into the water so that he could clear his mind.

When Kai An got back up, he glared at Callum and in a pained voice, he cried, "You don't understand!"

"What? How could I understand anything if you don't tell me?"

"It's my fault! I should've gone home with her that day…She's such a ditzy girl...I shouldn't have left her with anyone else..." said Kai An before he laughed sadly. He leaned against the bloodstained wall and slowly lowered himself until he sat on the floor. All of a sudden, he felt as if all of his energy was drained out of him.

When Callum looked at him curiously, Kai An cried softly, "It's all my fault…I was too busy thinking of my d*ck…"

"What do you mean?" asked Callum as he sat next to him.

Kai An wiped the tears away from his eyes before saying in a low voice, "The day she was r*ped, I was with another girl...I remembered her calling me, but I told her I was busy...She must've wanted to talk about it but because I was so eager to lose my virginity that I ignored her…"

"Ah, sh*t…"

"Yeah, sh*t…" murmured Kai An before he wrapped his hand around a bended knee. On the most painful day for his sister, he was actually enjoying himself. He should have been there for her.

"How am I supposed to make it up for her?" thought Kai An sadly as he buried his head between his knees. He did not understand how Kai Xin was able to go through this on her own. When she first started to learn how to walk, he would hold her hand and even when their mother told him to let her walk on her own, he would never let go.

Before their parents' divorce, she would always run to him whenever something or someone was troubling her. He wished that she was still the same, that she would run to him and tell him everything... that she would never hide her pain from him.

With a sad smile, he murmured, "When did she grow up to be such a strong woman?"

.....
Callum glanced at Kai An who was crying quietly.

After a while, he said, "You know...My father died because of sickness...Before he passed away, I'd stay with him at the hospital. When he laid on the hospital bed, he looked so fragile that I was scared. I was always angry back then. I was mad because the doctors can't save him. One day, he sat me down…"

He cleared his throat and pretended to speak like his father, "Xiao Xun...Bad things happen to good people sometimes. It's just a part of life."

Kai An frowned, "What? You are not making any sense!"

Callum scratched the back of his head. He was never good at explaining things. With a frown, he tried his best to explain,

"What I'm trying to say is that...Kai Xin...She did not tell you this so that you can get angry at yourself. Even if you beat yourself up, nothing would change. She was r*ped. It happened. Bad things happened to good people. Instead of getting angry, you should learn how to deal with it. Can you imagine how hard it was for her to bring up the courage to tell you this? Don't make her regret her decision."

As he listened to Callum, Kai An glanced down at his hands. At the back of his head, he recalled a scene that he was unsure whether it was a memory or a dream. In that scene, he was very young, almost a toddler.

...(flashback)...

Little Kai An's room was right next to his sister and in the middle of the night, he thought he heard her whimpering. When he went out of his room, he saw his parents' door was closed and so, he went to check on his sister.

When he pushed the door that was left ajar, he saw his father carrying his baby sister as he tried to coax her to sleep.

"Daddy?" Little Kai An called out as he walked forward.

"Sshh...Your sister is sleeping…" said Mr. Zhen softly before he went to close the door. Baby Kai Xin eventually fell asleep and he gently placed her back into the crib.

"She is cute…" murmured Little Kai An as he peered between the wooden bars of the crib.

Mr. Zhen carried him up so that the boy could see his baby sister clearly. As they watched over the sleeping baby, Mr. Zhen suddenly asked Little Kai An, "Kai An, when I'm not there, you have to protect your sister, alright?"

"Where you going?" asked the little boy as he looked at his father suspiciously.

Mr. Zhen sighed. He did not reply to his son. Instead, he held his son's small hand in his before asking, "Kai An, do you know why you are born first?"

Little Kai An shook his head furiously and waited for an answer from his father.

"So that you can get bigger first. If you grow bigger first, then you can protect your sister…and your mother..." said Mr. Zhen sadly as he looked at his baby daughter. He reached out and caressed her soft cheek as he wondered what kind of relationships they would have in the future.

"Daddy pwotects us?" asked Little Kai An.

"Daddy is a weak man...Daddy is too much of a coward to protect anyone…" murmured Mr. Zhen as a tear fell from the corner of his eyes. He knew that he made a mistake and he did not know how to amend it without hurting more people.

It upset Little Kai An to see his father in such a state. He reached out to pat his father's cheeks before saying seriously, "No cry. I'll pwotect Mummy and Xin. I strong!"

...(flashback ended)...

As he glanced at his hands, he thought that it must have been a dream. A very vivid dream. Based on what he knew of his father, that man would have never treated his sister so kindly.

"Dream or not...I failed to protect her…" murmured Kai An as he clenched them into tight fists. Suddenly, he remembered something and cursed before getting up quickly.

"What's wrong?" asked Callum. He thought that Kai An was calming down but he seemed agitated again for some reason.

"Naomi! She's meeting Luo Yin tonight! I can't let them meet!" said Kai An before he ran back to his room to change.

Chapter end

Report