Alma 149 Ballad of the Symmetry

It was an old piece of music, Ancient Mulian in origin, that had apparently been discovered in the ruins outside of the Heavenly Barrier, in the desolate Shadowlands. There was something about it that caught his ear when he first listened to it a year ago, and ever since then, it had become a habit of his to listen to it when he felt anxious or afraid. 

There was something about the woman's voice in the recording that made him feel safe as childish as that sounded. It took him down a notch from the perch of anxiety he usually found himself on during his darkest days in the past. Back when he had still been struggling with his guilt and fear over what had happened during the Twilight War. 

Reed already had an inkling suspicion of why the song had such an effect on him, despite the obvious fact that he couldn't even understand the lyrics properly without a translator. Even without understanding the song, it still had a visible effect on all who heard it. It was the main reason why the song was incredibly popular with modern Mulians, even if they did not understand the lyrics, either. 

Lu'um had told him that the intonation and timbre of the song had a specific purpose -- to calm the heart and clear the mind, for the song had been created to soothe children to sleep. 

"It's a lullaby made for children to calm them down, though it had the same effect on adults, too. The verbal mnemonic that was used to create this song was is as old as our culture is, dear. 

...The first thing we set out to do after we learned that we could shape Anima was to master our emotions. Not suppress them or eliminate them, as that would impair our creative abilities in shaping Anima or 'Teotl,' as our people refer to it. 

Think of your thoughts, your will as the paintbrush, and the myriad of emotions you possess as colors of paint. I'm sure you understand what happens when you mix every color together, right? You get pure black. What can you hope to see when you're blind in the dark? Nothing.

An Anima technique someone created might take a different shape for another person if one is not in control of their emotions. There have been situations where the technique has even backfired on the user. 

If one is to master the art of shaping Anima, they must do so with a clear heart. 

If one is to master the art of warfare, they must do so with a clear heart.

If one is to master themselves and draw out their inner potential, they must do so with a clear heart.

This song is a gateway for that flowing, unbound mindset where one is not in conflict with themselves -- the natural discord between the heart and the mind that arises from the ebbs and the flows of life. 

Balance is key, my Ka'an. Always seek that balance. You'll never find yourself lost as long as you have it." 

To him, seconds, minutes, and hours blended into each other until he completely lost his sense of time. The murky darkness of the sensory deprivation chamber he was in had become his new world. Only the faint music of the ancient lullaby and the slow, heavy thrum of his own heartbeat could be heard within the chamber. 

Reed couldn't afford any mistakes in the coming operation at all. He needed to be at his peak and that meant more than being physically healthy. A sound and focused mind would also be required if he was to perform the best he could. A single distraction could spell the difference between life and death in a high-risk mission, such as the one he was about to head into. 

And there was much that had come to bother him as of late. Lingering thoughts, worries, and suspicions had started to accumulate in his mind ever since he had been imprisoned in Twilight Cem-Elle. 

Even now, he worried whether or not he had made the correct decision. His heart was telling him that he had made the right choice, but his mind was of a different opinion. He had traded much in return for his freedom and for what? 

A weak seedling of power, an unstable future, and a terrible burden of his own making. 

These were all things that belonged to him and him alone because they were of his own making. 

They were admittedly, not as grand and pleasant as the things he had offered him. That grand power and secure path without any failures or mistakes seemed infinitely better than what Reed possessed. 

Had Reed accepted and followed that man's path, he would have already been done with this entire disaster. He could have easily handled everything himself without Lu'um assistance, without Velvund's assistance... without anyone's assistance. 

With his profound knowledge and borderline god-like ability to perceive the future possibilities that lay ahead, Reed could have succeeded perfectly. He would have essentially been granted a golden path, one that was as optimal and perfect as possible. 

Reed knew that he had done the right by himself, but even so, there were nights when he thought about how things would have gone had he accepted and joined forces with him. 

Envy, regret, disappointment, fear, anxiety, and jealously bubbled up from the depths of his heart. As much as he hated that bastard's guts to death, he couldn't deny that he was but a speck of dust compared to him. 

This was a person, who at his prime, had nearly become a transcendent entity. He possessed a hundred lifetimes worth of knowledge, experience, and skill. 

It pissed Reed off how he had been so gullible. Some random hooded man entered him and... just made himself at home, like he owned the damn place. 

And Reed, the stupid idiot that he was, simply went along with it because the nice hooded man had given him a couple of scraps of knowledge. 

Some doggie treats to win the cute puppy's heart and trust over and keep him pacified. 

That bastard's patronizing tone and attitude were infuriating beyond comprehension. How he always acted as if he were his natural superior, like some older brother who owned him. 

Reed hated it. As if that were not enough, he had also been plagued with thoughts of a different nature. Fears born of the past and insecurities of the future.

He had always known that something had existed between them. Between Lu'um and that asshole. 

Then, what was he? 

Was he a rebound? Was he a replacement for him? Was he just being use-- 

Reed had always tried his best not to mind, but he knew that an enormous age gap existed between himself and Lu'um, on an order most would find to be unacceptable. He was akin to an infant compared to her who had, from what he understood, lived before even the Great Barrier War, more than five thousand years ago. 

He tried to picture himself, at nearly twenty years of age, trying to seriously date someone in their early teenage years. It genuinely sounded too horrifying even contemplate. Reed cringed at the mere thought of it. 

Who would ever want to do something that? Enter a relationship with an emotionally immature child who had not even finished developing? What was there to gain in such a lopsided, unbalanced relationship?

Reed tried to recall the last time he had a deep and meaningful conversation with Lu'um. 

While he had learned much from her, had he ever taught her anything? Could he say with certainty that he had, at least once, said something intellectually stimulating to her?

When he followed that train of thought an even darker hypothetical blossomed. 

That... he was being groomed. That Lu'um was trying to slowly influence him, trying to turn him into that replica of that bastard. 

What was he to her, really? Some basket case that needed to be saved and turned into something better? 

Playing the role of the lover, the mother, the friend, and... the betrayer. 

It made sense, at least on paper for Reed. If that bastard was that, the cold-hearted, scheming asshole, then what was she, who had once been his... lover. 

Was he supposed to be that she was this... saintly priestess who had seemingly decided to fall in love with a literal devil? 

No. Where there was smoke, there as fire. There was no way that two opposing people with different moral values could have ever fallen in love. 

That, in of itself, was a massive red flag that Reed had ignored for the longest. 

The godawful, irrational paranoia was overwhelming and was amplified by his deeply ingrained trust issues. 

Reed refused to believe any of it. He severed the blossoming flower of fear at the stem and burnt it into ash. 

Even so, he could not find the strength to pull out the roots. It would not be long before the flower grew back again. 

The lullaby song could not help with that, for he would have to do that himself. It was only a band-aid for a much larger problem, but it would do, for now. 

When the song ended, Reed opened his eyes, completely refreshed and at peace with himself.He looked calm and composed, even a little charming to the eye.

Reed took a deep breath, stood up, and walked out of the isolation room. 

It was time to do work.

Chapter end