Alma 132 A Frank Discussion With Oneself

The place he had washed up at lacked both time and space. Reed couldn't distinguish the difference between here and there, for instance. Neither then and now. He was too close to what made himself who he was.

There was a limit to how deep one could dig into oneself and he'd reached it. Just as matter was composed of atoms, the essence of a being's soul was also composed of some unique unit that could only be seen with the assistance of advanced tools.

The stone heart was a tool created for that purpose — to peer into the world of the soul, much in the same way that an electron microscope was used to peer into the world of the atom.

Where am I? I-I don't understand. Is this where I was supposed to go, or did I fuck everything up?

Reed looked around and saw nothing aside from a pitch-black abyss and small, floating motes of light. They buzzed around innocently to-and-fro in random directions, akin to fireflies on a summer night. Faint strokes of light were left in their passing wake that contrasted greatly with the pitch-black background of the foreign place.

The streaks of light initially appeared like the random scribbling a child would've made on a chalkboard. Reed thought of them as funny little doodles until he noticed something about them.

Reed stepped backward in shock. They might've seemed random and meaningless at first, he quickly changed his mind after he realized what they were actually doing.

Ten thousand motes of light had slowly drawn an image of immeasurable size. The portrait they'd drawn was so large, it wouldn't have fit on Mulia's starry sky had it been transposed on to it.

An enormous face. His own face. It was up there, staring right back at him as if it were alive. Reed's heart throbbed violently as he gasped in pure astonishment.

"I've been waiting for the longest, Reed. So. Very. Long."

Reed raised his hands up nervously and said, "Who are you... friend?! And why have you taken up my handsome visage? I've come in peace!"

The enormous face in the sky laughed uproariously and said, "God, you're such a riot. You're at the bottom of your own heart, and you're asking me who I am? Really, Reed?"

"Well, I've got a lot of freeloaders inside of me, so it's kinda hard for me to discern myself from the rest of the shit in here."

"Hmm, that's a good point. I guess you're in the right to be a little suspicious. Don't worry though, I'm not another 'freeloader' that's hitched a ride if that's what you're asking me."

"I'm you, Reed. I'm you within you. Been within you for the longest, too. Since the day you were born."

"...You what now? You're some sort of parasitic twin? I'm not following at all. Can you, like, explain whatever you're trying to tell me normally?"

The enormous face sighed and said, "I'm your goddamned source of will, you rat-brain. In simpler terms, I'm your soul. ...Or rather, all of us, together, make up what you and other people call the 'soul,' if that makes sense."

"Look around you — every mote of light down here is a unique wish, belief, thought, or feeling you've come to think of as precious. Go on, take a look. Don't be shy, they all belong to you, after all..."

Reed wandered around and snatched a mote of light that'd flown within arm's reach. The instant he touched it, the pitch-black world transformed into a flash of light.

When Reed opened his eyes, he found himself in a sprawling garden filled with all manner of exotic, colorful plants. He knew this place.

"The Saphhire Garden?"

It was a somewhat famous botanical garden and one of few, truly unique attractions that Cem-Elle had going for itself.

"Hmm, so it takes a century for this little fellow to bloom? Talk about a late-bloomer, huh..."

"Feeling a connection with it, Ka'an? You know, it sort of looks like you... sort of mean-looking, glum, and shy."

"...I don't know what you're talking about. I'm noth— "

"But it's also a bit cute. It's like a pouting flower trying its hardest to act tough. Acting as if it has thorns, even though it doesn't."

"I think... it just needs a little love, that's all."

Reed silently gazed at the scene in front of him and smiled. The instant the memory ended, the world faded back into darkness.

He tenderly caressed the mote of light and let it go.

"So, whatcha think? Pretty nice, eh? That's me, in a nutshell. Everything that you love and believe in, concentrated in the purest form possible. There's no bullshit here.

None of the outside pressures and obligations that the world -- society at large -- has tried to burden you with.

I'm your beating heart, the thing that keeps you going. Makes you want to live for tomorrow and the future. I'm the one who paints your world with all the splendorous colors in your little world," said the enormous face.

"The color of love, for example. She's really brightened up your dull world, right? It goes without saying that without her, you wouldn't have even made it this far."

"Let's not forget the color of admiration and respect, either. You've seen, met, and befriended many incredible people who've shared with you their wisdom. People that have pointed you in the right direction during your bleakest days, no?"

"And the color of failure and regret, too. You've made many a mistake, haven't you? For the longest, they served as shackles, binding you in place. Chains of guilt that you made for yourself...

But you've finally broken them. For that, I sincerely thank you, weird as that may be. For all the grief they caused you, they also ended up helping you. It brought you on a journey to find me, right? I'd say that's a pretty decent silver lining, all in all."

Reed bitterly chuckled and said, "So why am I here and how are you supposed to help me? Where do we go from here? I had to go through a lot to get here, so this had better be worth the pain I endured."

The enormous face scoffed and said, "Of course it was worth it, you moron. Don't you get it? I'm free! That means that you don't have to rely on that bastard's soul to use Anima anymore! You've found me and as a result, you don't need to rely on that asshole ever again!

I... might not be as strong and developed as that bastard's soul, but I'm yours. He can't take me, as he did back then with his soul. The only thing the Mark of Responsibility requires to function is a source of will."

"But wait, I thought that the tattoo was something that belonged to him, though. It turned all nasty the moment he stripped me," said Reed.

"No, you fool, it doesn't belong to him. Think of it... as a light bulb, or another piece of machinery. And what do machines need to function?"

"....Power?"

"Yes, exactly! Electricity! Think of sources of will as glorified, super-special batteries for the Mark of Responsibility. Does that make sense to you? Please tell me it does, or I'm gonna cry..."

"It does, yeah. So, what the bastard removed the battery — his soul — off the tattoo, right? ...And you, my soul, can act as a replacement battery for it?"

The enormous face grinned devilishly and said, "Ding, ding, ding! We got ourselves a genius over here, Ma'! Do you see now why it was worth it to come down here, even if you had to work for it?

Ah, but don't get too crazy about it. Like I told you, I ain't as strong as that bastard's soul. That asshole has tempered his soul with Mark of Responsibility for thousands of years. As for me? I haven't even gotten to enter the Mark of Responsibility once since it manifested on you.

I've been secretly mooching power off it while I was waiting for you to come down here though, so I won't be completely useless. But don't go into this expecting to be able to do the crazy stuff you used to be able to do back in the day."

Reed groaned and said, "I had a sneaking suspicion something was up, but I didn't think it'd be this. Goddammit, why didn't you tell me sooner, you...!"

"I'm you, dipshit! What the fuck did you think was gonna happen when the asshole barged into here?!! Picture yourself, as a normal mortal, fighting a 10 foot tall, 700-pound silverback gorilla!

That was what happened to me the moment that asshole entered your body when the Mark of Responsibility first appeared on your body, almost three years ago!! I got thrashed so hard, I went partially comatose for an entire year until I recovered, you fool!

Had it not been for Lu'um and Lacrima holding my shattered body together back then, you would've died! You didn't even know about it, but they were forcibly keeping your soul from dispersingevery single night during your trainee days at the Spire!!

Ever wonder why Sweetcheeks suddenly moved into your room without reason?! Now you know, rat-brain! She and Lacrima have saved your ass more times than you can even count! Hundreds of times over, every single night while you slept. Keeping you from the brink until I finally recovered..."

Chapter end