A God's Apocalyptic Entertainment 120 Talking to one's self

The woman was shaking is fear but surprisingly not running away. Why would that be?

As I was thinking this she spoke in her trembling voice.

Was she afraid of me? What was going on?

"P-P-P-Please not my child."

She stuttered out her words and I wanted to say it was alright, but I couldn't do anything, my body wouldn't listen. It continued to move towards at her. And she continued to speak, trying to convince me to stay away.

My head moved down slightly and I finally caught sight of my arm. It was moving towards the trembling mother that couldn't move her body. I could tell now that I was closer, that like me she couldn't move. She could only plead towards the fear that was approaching.

She couldn't take her child and run as she wanted.

My arm that was slim and fair reached out towards the woman. This wasn't my arm; in fact it looked more like a female's hand. What was....

Something that was blocked in my mind seemed to break, and the memories I had been forgetting surface at breakneck speed.

"Ahhh..."

It came out as a realisation at first, but it wasn't long before it turned into my hysterical cry of pain.

"Ahhhhh!

But the sound wasn't produced, my body moved without my permission and continued. I watched as the arm grabbed the woman by the throat and crushed her wind pipe. I watched as I ripped out her heart and munch down on it. The feeling of happiness that spread through my body was overpowering.

Finally I watched as the body was discarded to the side, broken and destroyed, and I looked towards the little boy that had been clinging onto his mother. His face was stained with tears by now as his body trembled. His eyes were blank as he looked at me.

The mental trauma I had just given him would scar him for life. But he didn't have long to live either way.

His eyes lost their splendour as I closed my arms around his shoulders and just before he died, I could see the vile hatred that he had for me. I was a person that just killed his mother. I was a beast that should be exterminated. All his emotions that had stalled turned to hatred as he glared death at me.

His tears had turned to blood as I moved my face in closer and licked them. It tasted good. The feeling of joy spread through me as I started my meal.

I watched through to the end, screaming for it to stop, but it wasn't until his body was completely gone and I started to move off in a different direction that the light dimmed.

The blackness engulfing my screaming thoughts and mind.

********************

*Bang*

I crushed some wood as I shot up. Gasping for air I looked around and confirmed my surroundings. Looking at my hand that gripped onto a table I confirmed where I was.

I was sitting in the library; the shelves of books surrounded me, where I had dozed off. I slowly looked at the glowing light that was coming from above and gripped my fist. It was another minute before I finally loosened them.

Standing up from the seat I stretched my body before rubbing my tired eyes.

"It happened again, huh."

Who was I kidding, it would never end. Every time I closed my eyes I would relive a murder, someone I had killed. I would be filled with the emotions of that time and once again relive it.

The hatred, the anger, the torment.

It was why I couldn't sleep much these days. Ever since then I had trouble sleeping, I would wake up soon after I closed my eyes. It was sort of like insomnia at this point. Even though my body had evolved and I didn't need as much time for sleep, maybe an hour or two, it didn't help when I couldn't sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time.

Not to mention I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to keep going back.

A living nightmare, that's what it was, two words that truly can't be understood until it happens to you. What does it mean? You ask. Would it be something as simple as torture? Maybe dying? Or maybe some would think of an annoyance as living hell.

But the words truly have weight, the words that can only be understood when you wish for death over living. My body was stiff; I knew that if I didn't keep moving for a while I would soon return there.

I lifted my numb legs and dragged myself through the area, hoping to not wake Ella or Rose. They had been connected to me since then, and because of that fact they had trouble sleeping. You see when I went to sleep I couldn't influence the connection between us.

This meant that they would be crippled and frightened by my maddening nightmares, my living hell. This would keep them awake for extended periods of time that couldn't help but affect their sleep.

It was only recently that I was able to restrict and cut the connection between us, if for a while so they could get some respite. I didn't wish for them to pay for my crimes. Because that's what it was.

It was my crime.

It was my Fault.

No one else can be blamed for what happened, what an idiot I was. It wasn't Ella's fault for being who she is; it wasn't Rose's fault for not being able to stop me from doing something stupid. It wasn't Ella who tore those innocent people apart.

It was me.

"This is my penance."

This was my torture, my hell, my pain.

Nothing could make it better, nothing should make it better!

Even though Ella might have been angry about me cutting the connection, it had to be done.

"You deserve this."

I reached up to my face while I was walking around, I had to find something to distract my time, I had all these books. There had to be something that could take my time. And when I finally made contact with it, I felt the tears.

The tears I had shed while I was sleeping.

"You have no right to cry."

I have no right to cry. I have nothing to redeem.

I continued to look around for something, anything, and finally found something to read. It wasn't a very interesting book, just something to pass the time.

As I found a new seat and opened the book I already felt my heavy eye lids. I couldn't stop the inevitable.

"When ones penance arrives, they have no right to complain."

"Only lament the fact that they caused this to themselves."

I really have been talking to myself more.

Ever since I stabbed myself in the heart.

Chapter end